When Ashley gets home from work, she usually spends a few minutes with Joan, our nanny, to swap stories on the twins. It’s pretty mundane stuff that comes across less like anecdotes and more like game stats: FED% (number of ounces consumed divided by the number offered); MIC (minutes in crib); TF (technical foul–the number of times a baby pooped or peed on the supervising adult). 

That being said, sometimes the stories are comic gold. A couple days ago, Ashley shared the following nugget with Joan:

“It was so funny last night. I was wiping Greyson’s bottom and he giggled. And I said, ‘Whaaaaat?!’ So I wiped again and he giggled again. It was really cute.”

It’s not a funny story; it’s only kind of cute. There are episodes of Full House that would seem raunchy by comparison, yet Joan was in stitches. Perhaps she was laughing politely and just oversold her amusement. At least that’s what I would’ve assumed if I didn’t know the truth. 

She wasn’t laughing at Ashley’s story so much as she was her watered down retelling of it. You see, Joan had already gotten the actual account that morning…from me:

“So, I’m in the kitchen fixing some bottles last night, and I hear Ashley call out from the nursery–totally deadpan, 'Well, I found your son’s new ticklish spot.’

"And I say, 'Oh yeah? What’s that?’

”'His taint.’“