91 with happy!

“Tell me you need me.”

A year doesn’t seems to be a long time but in a relationship it sometimes feels like it is, more when half your relationship you’re wondering if that person is even going to make it home at night. Being in love with Happy is really difficult. The fights, the runs, the guns, the croweaters, the retaliations… everything turns what should be easy with love and mutual support harder and harder every second.  

We were on what I would call a rough patch, a year old rough patch, my old man was not even coming home at night sometimes and I would go to the club house the next morning with old mascara still staining my cheeks asking the boys around if Happy was alive, if he was okay. He would come out of his room looking at me with those rough looks I’ve grown accustomed to and grunt at me.

“Go home woman” those words making the wedding band on my finger weight more and more every second that passed in this man’s presence.

I had grown accustomed to being alone, to being surrounded only by people the hours I spent working. It was getting harder and harder to get home and be the happy person I became when this household was nothing but hope, love, and strength. The cold side of the bed, the drawers that were becoming more and emptier were destroying my soul. I shouldn’t have done what I did but my heart started becoming heavier and suddenly whatever I had built with Happy was long gone, and the touch, the affection and the look in this man’s eyes every time he looked at me made me feel something.

Suddenly the nights were not so lonely, my skin began burning by just the look of one person and I knew what I had to do, my marriage was doomed, my marriage ended over a year ago but I was still crawling back to the ashes of something that once was the best thing that ever happened to me.

“You can’t leave” he said in almost a whisper, the wedding band not feeling heavier anymore. Not being there anymore. His dark eyes looking at me with a lot of emotion but not the emotion I had grown so close to love. “We promised something, we made…”

“You destroyed that before me” I said putting the bags even closer to my shaking body “We haven’t been married for a long time Hap, there’s no love left in between us and you know that”

“No, that’s not true” he said looking at me with anger

“I tried, I tried. I tried even with you smelling of other women, I tried even with going to bed and waking up alone, I tried so hard Happy but I’m done now, I I….I even found someone else” I said, his dark eyes furious in front of me, his strong arms pulling me to his chest.

“Tell me you need me” he said, his strong scent filling my nostrils, the scent I used to love so much.

“I don’t need you” I said pushing him away from me “I don’t love you anymore”