I fell in love with creative writing in 6th grade. We had some fun together, but then we had to take a break. I guess I needed some distance.
Then writing started to flirt with me again. She put little ideas in my head. She dug up memories. She made me find things I had written, and things that had been written to me. She raised the dead in my mind.
I first participated in NaNoWriMo last year - but it was completely unofficial. I signed up with the website, but I never announced a title, updated word counts, or engaged with others. I simply took it all as an excuse to once more try my hand at writing.
I had a story in my head. I had characters who had incubated for far too long. I felt that I had set aside so many of my creative pursuits following the birth of my daughter. The muses called, and it was time to return.
I wrote my first full-length novel when I was in middle school. It feels like a century ago… It was an odd story, very much inspired by the Redwall series by Brian Jacques. I’ve rediscovered parts of it and, like most old writing, it makes me cringe. Still, there was passion there. I had a whole world in my mind… I had intended to write more, to create a series. I actually started another, but I then started an online, text-based role playing game. I collaborated with other young writers to create a story - also inspired by Redwall. It was great fun. Not only did I learn so much from everyone, but I had experiences and made connections that proved to be life changing for me when all was said and done. That’s a story for another day, though.
I can’t accurately say that I stopped writing after that, but I feel like I did. My focus moved to academic writing as I grew into a college student. He whipped me into shape, let me tell you! I still dappled with creative pursuits. I sometimes had flings with good, old creative writing. I started a few stories that never went anywhere. I wrote a lot of angsty poetry about my love life. I even got a few things published in the college literary magazine (not that difficult to do, really). I once read a short story aloud at a reception. Then I moved to Northern NY and started to blog about my religious experiences. Creative writing and I stayed apart for nearly a decade.
Then she started sending me love letters in my sleep. My husband knew what was happening. He supported me. He made sport of reading over my shoulder and tittering at words like “hardness.” I mean… honestly. I hate the word “erection.” I’ll do anything to avoid it except skip writing a sex scene.
The story ended up dramatically different from what I initially envisioned. The characters were once from different worlds, and there was going to be a supernatural, ecological cataclysm brought on by a war. The Otherworld was angry at us! Forbidden, cross-dimensional love! I quickly realized that I didn’t want to deal with a lofty, global event. I started to see the characters as human, but one had abilities. However, they’re not that unbelievable skills/gifts. In fact, some of her experiences are based on things that have happened to me or people I know. They’re commonly discussed in Neo-Pagan circles. I moved away from a worldwide catastrophe that spans dimensions,and instead focused on very local issues and the spiritual implications. The characters were no longer struggling to overcome distance, war, and social order to be together. They became hurt human beings trying to heal and find themselves, to forgive those who broke their hearts, to move on, and embrace their paths. And. You know. There’s a mermaid type thing.
The characters fleshed out from ideas to very vivid people in my mind. I hope I was able to translate that into words. Although the protagonist is not me, we have some things in common. This is because, I realized, the book is an exploration of some things I struggled with in my life. I wanted to play with the themes that have persisted in my life, and come to terms with them myself. Writing this book has been, in a sense, shadow work.
It took me a year to finish that novel. I wouldn’t have been able to do it in a month. I reread it and revised it so often, but I finished it on the eve of this year’s NaNoWriMo. My husband has been reading it, but my sister finished it first. She became very enthusiastic about the story, which was surprising and thrilling at the same time. She’s excited to know I’m working on a sequel.
I think I’m more excited, though. I love these characters, and there’s still more to explore. I’m glad that writing and I are back together. I missed her.