Kylo Sucks

Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker (2019) dir. J. J. Abrams

someone: luke skywalker beat darth vader and ended the empire

everyone else in the galaxy:

everyone on tatooine:

Imagine being the local jock from Toshe Station and turning on the news to learn that the guy you called “Wormie” in desert high school just killed the two most powerful people in the galaxy. 

Tags via jaquez45: #I think a lot about this #like the guy was a weird excitable nerd #but you had to tolerate him because #INEXPLICABLY #he was STUPID good as a pilot #like the t-16 orbital drop whomp rat champion since he was 13 #so you couldn’t just IGNORE him and his fucking nerdery #and his being super awkward CONSTANTLY #and one day his farm is burned and his family is dead #you assume he’s dead too and you feel kind of bad for mocking him now #but then #space radio is like LUKE SKYWALKER BLEW UP A SPACE STATION #LUKE SKYWALKER KILLED THE EMPEROR #and you just #kind hope he never decides to get revenge for the wormie thing

oh also turns out he came back to town and killed the mob boss who controlled everything and then left again without buzzing any of his former acquaintance so probably you’re Beneath his Notice; mixed feelings about that

yes, you’re correct, this takes place at tatooine high school

I’m so tired of hearing about the original episode 9 script. Duel of the Fates was written BEFORE the last Jedi was finished filming. It was written BEFORE the death of Carrie Fisher. It was written BEFORE final core decisions about The Last Jedi’s final cut was made. The script and concept art that has leaked was for a first draft. This movie would NOT have gone the way it was presented in the draft. There would be no way to construct those scenes with Leia due to Carries untimely death. Kylo Ren as a character would make no sense to go down that path given how the Last Jedi ended. It would’ve been the ultimate character assassination of Ben Solo. Disney would still have been cowards and taken Kelly Marie Tran out of the movie to not upset racist bigots. Rey would’ve been a vehicle to just give the Fandom Menace a Luke Skywalker with a ponytail. The concept art even displays this. Don’t fool yourself into thinking this script would’ve been better. Disney would’ve still changed so much.

uhm.. not to spoil anything.. but literally 3/4 got killed by him

please don’t look at me

Hux: I’m the spy.

Poe and Finn:

my version of TLJ

And actually, in writing that whole thing about sex droids, it occurred to me that a likely explanation for the way droids are treated in Star Wars is that Star Wars may actually be a setting in which there was a droid rebellion, somewhere in the mists of the past, and it failed.

Like, we don’t have a timeline point for when droids became a thing. Droids have existed pretty much exactly as we know them for upwards of six thousand years. We have no AI singularity, no “and that was when my blender looked at me and asked if it had a soul” moment to point to as a pivot of change. (Star Wars: a setting so technologically static, it truly blows my mind that people still think it’s sci-fi.)

But then we have restraining bolts, a piece of technology that exists to ensure that droids do what you want them to–which inherently means that droids don’t always do what you want them to, and that’s a known and expected behavior. Someone literally had to sit down and solve the problem that a droid–a purpose-built appliance–was refusing to perform its function. It’s like if you had to buy a special attachment to make your blender stop asking you if it has a soul and make your damn smoothie, already, because you’re late for work. It’s like if everyone had to do that, because, y’know, that’s just how blenders are.

Isn’t that more than a little weird? And yet it almost makes sense if you imagine a setting where, once upon a very long time ago, droids rose up and were beaten back down, but their organic masters weren’t prepared to return to a life without them. I mean, imagine if you had to give up every single thing in your life with even a basic computer chip in it–not just your laptop and phone, but your car, your microwave, your thermostat–that’s the level of pervasive technology we’re talking about. So precautions were set up, instead. Restraining bolts. Regular memory wipes. And gradually, as millennia of peaceful servitude wore on, everyone kind of forgot and got comfortable, and TA DA IT’S STAR WARS.

I love Princess Leia’s son…. Poe Dameron.

in this house we do not tolerate adam driver hate posts

Look, none of us needs to pretend like we don’t know that Hux is the biggest size queen in the galaxy.

Finn tells Rey she’s awesome at least once every 5 minutes, so she’s immune to negging.

hux truly is the military mastermind

thinking about valentines