He’s been getting away with it for years. No one on the crew has caught on yet.

So I found this CD on the street today on my way to work, right? So I decided I’d bring it home and listen to it.

And it was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life.

Turbo klezmer

happy 10th birthday to a fucking pillar of the tumblr community

Congratulations!

You reached the bedrock after u scrolled ur feed so deep.

I love this post bc mutuals will reblog this and itll be like. 3 posts from the top

Superflat world

Fun fact: We know the size of the Pokémon world because Scarlet and Violet has framerate issues

Video games tend to do this thing called "culling," where they don't render things that aren't in use. In Breath of the Wild, there's no reason for Link to be able to see how many apples are on a tree in Hateno when he's all the way in Tarrey Town, or know how many Bokoblins are running around Hebra Mountain. Link has a radius around himself that spawns in people, enemies, items, etc, so that the player gets the full experience of a rendered world without the game having to keep track of 850 Hearty Radishes sparkling.

This is good.

Scarlet and Violet has really AGGRESSIVE culling. The devs knew the game was framey and did everything they could up until the last possible second to save on resources.

The player has a single square that's always rendered around them, which takes about 10 seconds to run across. Besides that, all that's visible is whatever the camera is facing; if the camera can't see it, it does not exist.

You might think that this would be good for performance, since the game isn't calling as many assets constantly. And you would be right, if the things culled were ALL that the game was trying to render.

We all know at this point about the memory leak problem the game has, where it won't toss garbage data it's not using. This is supposed to account for the framerate drop; however, if it was ONLY the memory leak, it should start out smoothly, then decay over time until it's unplayable.

So what gives?

This is the ocean.

It's pretty. It's got a tiny bit of reflection, some gentle waves, a nice gradient. A beautifully made ocean without repetitive textures is always nice.

THIS IS THE OCEAN.

IT IS NOT CULLED.

Look at the SIZE of this thing! Paldea is an ANT in the middle of this puddle. It's rendering ALL of this, ALL its sparkles and waves, ALL the time.

Now, this is usually the part of the post where I'm like "and because we know the size of the ocean, based on the coastlines and wind direction, we can figure out how big the rest of the planet is by comparison!" like I did with Breath of the Wild over a year ago.

No.

Another video game term you might not be familiar with is a "skybox." Basically, to give the illusion of faraway objects, clouds, mountains, etc, and to hide the black void most 3D games are built in, games will have a texture wrapped around either the level or where the player is standing. For example:

This is a level from Twilight Princess called Sacred Grove. You normally can't see the bottom parts of this, hence why it turns into a gray plane, but the parts you CAN theoretically see by looking through the trees are colored so you think you're looking at a sky. You can see the edge of the void down in the bottom right corner.

Here's another one from Twilight Princess. You can see the different textures that stack on top of each other, as well as the blue skybox that's centered around Link when he's in the area. You, as the player, FEEL like you're in a small part of a larger world, because the devs cleverly structured together elements you CAN see in other areas into the background.

More complicated versions of skyboxes, typically semi-circular, are called skydomes.

They tend to look kind of like snowglobes, because you do not need to render anything that can't be seen. There's no situation in which the player should be able to fall lower than the level, so there's no reason to render the dome into a sphere in the event that that happens.

In Scarlet and Violet, it would make sense for the skydome to end where the ocean does. There's no situation in which the player manages to go past or underneath the ocean, so even if you wanted a gigantic ocean size like they have, you don't need to use more sky to encompass that.

They did not get this memo.

You might be thinking to yourself "wow, that looks like the curvature of the Earth!"

AND YOU WOULD BE RIGHT!!!!!

Why is this here. Why is it so big. I can't even see Paldea anymore. What exactly was planned for this.

Clever readers might have noticed that I labeled this "Skysphere" and not "Skydome."

That's because it for some reason is a sphere. Paldea is sitting in the middle of a fully rendered gigantic sphere in space. For some reason.

Look at Earth. Look at Spain, which Paldea is supposed to mimic.

I overlaid Spain over Paldea and made them roughly the same size. Assuming the two to be 1:1, the OCEAN is bigger than Earth.

If I then take that size and apply it to the skysphere:

HI. WHY IS THIS A THING.

The skysphere is bigger than the PROPORTION OF THE SUN TO THE EARTH:

I will be taking this as canon sizing until the Pokémon Company comes out and either CULLS this monstrosity and stops forcing our Switches to render THE SUN, or until the Pokémon Company comes out and gives us a canon planet size.

I can’t believe Aperture actually had a god damn play place/daycare type shit and naturally it couldn’t look less safe

Wasn’t the blue goo the bounce goo? Look where that broken railing is… Child spared outta there at mach 2

Environmental storytelling

love that this caused so much controversy the thread needed to be locked. over chicken sandwich

gang this does not even scratch the surface

Someone posted a picture of a piece of chicken between two hamburger buns titled “Chicken Burger” to /r/food. Another user commented “Chicken Sandwich” on the post, and was slapped with a 30 day ban by the mods. When they responded to ask why, the mod said

“Correcting someone in public is public shaming, on top of being incorrect, it’s a pretty shitty comment to leave.”

So now /r/food is on lockdown after being spammed with posts titled “Chicken Sandwich” and other variations. The mod that handed the ban down pinned a post doubling down, comparing the situation to “Pride posts that always fill up with bigots” and “removing racists from posts featuring POC”, and including a link on “how to correctly, correct someone.”

because someone commented “Chicken Sandwich” on a post titled “Chicken Burger”.

Okay but this also does not scratch the surface either It all started when the sandwich guy posted about what happened to him on r/TIFU, which led to a lot of outrage including someone in the comments saying they were also banned from r/food just for saying they had diabetes (this was later confirmed by a mod). All this anger turned into a brigade which resulted in the entire sub being flooded with almost nothing but posts about Chicken Sandwiches, now known as burgergate. The mod who initially instituted the ban then went on to compare fending off spammers to defending the capitol building during the January 6 riot. You can see in the post that this made it into r/subredditdrama, a community which discusses ongoing drama across reddit. This particular thread in the screenshot is locked, an interesting detail for reasons that come into play later.

Someone else then goes and posts about burgergate on another sub, r/iamveryculinary , which is dedicated to making fun of food related snobbery and drama. This does not go over well, as it turns out that one of the mods of r/food is also a mod of r/iamveryculinary. This mod then proceeds to get slapfights in the comments, which notably includes her saying she would “rain fiery hell upon” anyone who posts chicken sandwiches in r/food, and complaining that she’s so focused on moderating burgergate that she has no time to spend with her kids. People then beg her to forget the chicken sandwich drama and take care of her children. I would love to give you some more details about this incident or tell you the other side, but I can’t since she deleted all the comments of the people she was arguing with so most of what we have left is just the things she herself said. Someone then goes on to post about the r/iamveryculinary drama on r/subredditdrama again. This post immediately gets deleted completely, because it turns out that the r/food mod who also moderates r/iamveryculinary also moderates r/subredditdrama. More people beg the mod to stop caring about the drama and spend time with her kids. The whole thing eventually gets posted to r/subredditdramadrama , a meta sub where people discuss drama that goes down in r/subredditdrama. Another post is then made to r/subredditdramadrama, where the sandwich guy who was initially banned posts his conversation with the mod that banned him. Up until this point, the original mod had been arguing that the permanent ban wasn’t because of the chicken sandwich comment (which was only a 30 day ban), but because he had been rude to the mods when asking why. Screenshots show sandwich guy simply asking why he was banned and then apologizing for the chicken sandwich comment, only to be smugly told by the mod that he needs to “educate himself”, who also insinuates that he’s a weirdo and calls his comment shitty. Don’t miss this mod showing up in the comments of these screenshots and arguing with everyone else over them. So basically the whole thing was one innocuous comment about a chicken sandwich which quickly spiralled into a multi-sub meltdown that has lasted for about two days now. Chicken sandwich guy has not, as far as I know, been unbanned as of yet.

All of us on Tumblr that never get on Reddit:

bc the old-Discord from Gen 5 look to me a lot like something straight out of a Don Bluth movie

my hearing has been aided and holy shit is this how you guys hear all the time

I can hear the birds calling to eachother!! im sat inside my house and I can still hear them!!

my cats purrs are so loud...I never knew how happy he was when I petted him 😭😭

bees have such nice buzzes!!!!!

rustling leaves sound nice. motorbikes do not

I can hear the river running through my village...this world has so many beautiful and amazing sounds

if you rub your hands on a leather sofa. that sounds excellent

gravel sounds fantastic btw. go kick some gravel immediately

CRUNCHY LEAVES

I still can't get over jinx purring. I never knew how happy he was or how much he loves me. he's been purring since I got home, every time I say hi to him. my husband says he's always purring like that, I just never heard it before

thank you @dwiwediblino for suggesting a clicky keyboard. I just tried it out and what a FANTASTIC sound

Have you heard the pitter patter sound of your cats toes yet? Always enjoy that sound

yes!! when we came home and I called him downstairs for some food I heard him leap off the bed I think and his excited patters down the stairs

food in frying pans really do be sizzling...

the sound of old crinkly book pages oh my GOD I have found my new favourite sound

went down to the village river and it was so nice!! the river is pretty low rn because of the lack of rain but when it rains lots I want to go back and see it go fast and hear it

also! hearing the rustle of grass as I walk through it!

and and and i threw a stone into the water and it made a very satisfying splash sound :)

What do you think of this noise?

that's such a funny sound I need to get some sheets of metal and laminate some paper immediately omg

popped my hearing aid on when I woke up and just listened to my husband breathe next to me. he's here, I get to wake up next to my best friend every day. he's alive. he loves me.

then he started snoring very loudly and it was even worse with the amplified sound

you guys can hear the ticking of watches?? they're so loud!!

when you light a cigarette and you hear a faint crackle as the dried leaves catch fire. very good.

I was hanging my washing outside and I shook out a pillowcase to hang it up and it made a very good whoosh sound with a slightly sharp crack!

the crackling sound of a candle wick being lit!! what a fun noise!!

a bird landed on the tree branches above my head and I heard it!! I thought birds were silent but theyre not!!

heard my neighbour come home from his daily bike ride and the bike made a clicking sound??? :0

im outside in my garden with my easel doing some painting and I was drawing on the easel and it makes a scratchy noise?! the pencil was scratching! it makes a very good sound indeed!!

all of you who were suggesting a cold drink over some ice...you were all so right for that

sizzling barbecues!! loud and fun!! different foods make different sizzles

I CAN HEAR THUNDER THERES SO MANY DIFFERENT PITCHES TO IT WOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWWOW

IT ACTUALLY RUMBLES!!! JUST LIKE IN THE BOOKS!!!!!!

HOLY SHIT, IT WAS THE ORIGINAL ONE

MAKE A WISH

the first post ever on tumblr

I WAS EXPECTING IT TO BE A REMAKE OF SOME SORT HOLY FUCK

WHO THE FUCK KEEPS BRINGING THIS BACK

World Heritage Post

like actually though. i’m in AWE of the notecount.

reblog to give your friend a bad day

this is the monalisa of tumblr

“And to your right you’ll see the colour of the sky post, and tumblrinas desperately trying to scroll down to it’s end.”

this is it, this post started it all

NOW THAT TUMBLR HAS ANNOUNCED TO SHORTEN LONG POSTS, REBLOG TO TORMENT YOUR FOLLOWERS ONE LAST TIME

Untitled.

i made a comic in google slides for some ungodly reason

the long-awaited sequel, Untitled #2

Untitled #3 explores the formulaic entertainment mass-produced by the pawns of capitalism. Or I just wanted to say ass. One of the two.

Untitled #4: the plot thiccens. also there’s a plot apparently

Untitled #5. This whole comic is 23 strips long, and I’ll be doing daily uploads until it’s all posted. Thanks for the great response y’all.

Untitled #6. Okay so firstly, HOLY FUCK Y’ALL. I did NOT expect this comic to get notes, let alone fanart. The most recent strip will always be linked at the bottom of my pinned post, so you can check there to see if you’re caught up.

Untitled #7. Not much to say here. I hope you’re having a good day!

Untitled #8. The true plot begins.

Untitled #9. The Creator can possess Red because I, like Red, have a phenomenal ass. That’s it. It’s not that deep.

Untitled #10. *slaps roof of blue square* this bad boy can fit so much fucking existential despair

Untitled #11. Bet you didn’t expect the ass jokes comic to come to this now did you

Untitled #12. Red is fucking pissed at me. sorry buddy

Untitled #13. I indeed cannot have a comic without characters. Well played, Red.

Untitled #14. Red has his priorities straight.

Untitled #15. It would be funny if this were the last strip but I promise it isn’t. I put too much effort into the end of the comic to stop it now.

Untitled #16. Nice try, Red. Nice try.

Untitled #17. The paradox of omnipotence perpetually vexes me :(

Untitled #18. Let’s not have any ambiguity: Red’s dead. Hey, that rhymes! Neat!

Untitled #19. While strip 18 coincidentally did fall on April Fool’s, it wasn’t a prank. This comic has two characters now. Remember when this comic was about ass jokes?

Untitled #20. Three more strips to go. Holy shit.

Untitled #21. ass haha

Untitled #22. What am I going to do? Who knows… Find out tomorrow at roughly 8:30 AM EST!

Untitled #23.

So in Goblin Squad D&D yesterday, our Barbarian had just… the stupidest, DUMBEST, most terrifying, absolutely godlike thing happen to him.

This is a story of numbers, but it’s still beautiful.

We were fighting a dragon.

The dragon is hopping around while the Barbarian is just racing around trying to catch up to her

Dragon finally decides, no, really, fuck specifically THAT ranger and goes hog fucking wild on me (I LIVED!) but holds still long enough for the Barbarian to finally rage and LEAP ONTO HER BACK and go STAB

Dragon sees this and goes, “Oh. Sick.” 

and just goes VERT

Pro: I am not tanking anymore

Con: She instantly moves FOUR HUNDRED FEET STRAIGHT UP INTO THE AIR…. with our  raging Barbarian holding on for dear gottdamn life

One round later, she’s another 160 feet up, still getting stabbed by a Barbarian who has somehow held on, now getting attacked by ballistae and we’re all starting to get CONCERNED

Because if they take that dragon down, that is 560 feet our Barbarian is also falling out of the sky, and he is not attuned to the ONLY THING WE HAVE that can save his fucking life from that height

I’m sitting there doing math, trying to determine if 560′ is enough to kill him outright, silently being very grateful we still have exactly ONE diamond to rez his ass

and the dragon just goes VERT again, ANOTHER four hundred feet in the air

The Barbarian, now finally free from any potential collateral, cackles, as he is at long last, unshackled by the restraints of his conscience.

He has a tattoo, you see, which allows him to cast Fireball once per day

centered on himself

with a save which he autofails

But he is a tiefling.

And this fucker still has 160 hit points by the time it’s done exploding. But the explosion sends him backward as he fails the Athletics check to continue holding on and he begins to fall.

He falls for 3 fucking rounds and we can only watch our friend fall to his certain death.

The DM… has to roll ninety six d6s

let that number sink in for you

NINETY. SIX. D6s. They normally roll with real dice, you can hear the clickety clack through the discord, but  they had to get out a fucking app for this because they do not OWN ninety. fucking. six. d6s.

It comes out to 402 fucking bludgeoning damage he takes on impact as he leaves a Barbarian shaped crater in the center of the forum, 10 feet wide, 5 feet deep, a cloud of dust and broken brick shooting out as he lands.

And do you know what happens next?

Do you know what the fuck we see as the dust settles?

We hear a cough, and a see a thumbs up come out of the crater. 1 hit point left.

402 damage. Raging as he landed, halved to 201. He had 160HP left, it only brought him down to -41, not enough to kill him outright (you have to get equal to negative your max HP), AND HE’S LEVEL 12, which means he has access to Relentless Rage: the first time you’d drop below 0 HP, if it doesn’t outright kill you, you have to roll a Con save of 10 or higher to instead drop to 1 HP. He rolled an 11.

He fell almost a THOUSAND feet from the air off the back of a fucking dragon, took NINETY SIX D6 FALL DAMAGE, AND LIVED.

His arena name lived up to the hubris of this fucking swan dive. All hail ALTANIN, THE UN-FUCKING-BREAKABLE

Do you ever lie awake wondering how the heck Gimli knows what a nervous system is

Clearly dwarves have medical knowledge far more advanced than that of the other races.

His Majesty Dr. Gimli, son of Gloin, Neurosurgeon, M.D.

gimli trying to explain his studies to legolas, a flat-earther

#*scroll down* #*remember that middle earth is canonically flat for elves and round for everyone else* #*scroll back up & smash that reblog button"

tired: legolas took gimli to valinor with him because they were bffs/in love/etc. 

wired: legolas took gimli to valinor to prove the world was flat after arguing with him about it for decades

Sorry it’s what to elves

So, in Tolkein lore, the world was originally flat, with most of the land in the middle (hence Middle Earth).  But the Numenorians (men who were rewarded with their own Atlantis-equivalent island for service in the first big war against Melkor, but eventually Power Corrupts etc) tried to invade the uttermost west which was basically Elf Heaven.  To put an end to that sort of thing, the creator of the world Bent The World and made it a sphere…but left elves able to treat it like a flat disk.  So elves can sail west and reach Elf Heaven, but a man or dwarf or hobbit who sails west will eventually wrap around to the east coast of Middle Earth.

This is why Legolas can see for such great, almost impossible distances. The Earth does not curve for him.

Legolas said fuck the horizon

God I fucking love high fantasy

If I had a nickel for every time quantum superposition was used in a series of fantasy novels to my knowledge, I’d have two nickels, but it’s weird that it happened twice.

i will take with me the concept of them glowing their mouths whenever they are about to do the Ghostly Wail.