how the hell do people work full time AND work out. and also eat. i feel like a dvd player

fun fact! did you know that you can gain extra ‘forbidden time’ by staying up late in the night? but Watch Out

hire me for just whatever

[fills out a job application] i can do whatever and am good at anything, my biggest weakness is i love too much

hate how most of my problems are abstract or systematic i wanna fight more of them with a sword

in the past, you could find mouse holes in every home. tom and jerry is not just a silly cartoon for les enfants but a transcendent vision of post-capitalist jouissance. every skirting board had a perfectly ovular orifice, where even the vermin formed their nuclear domicile. today even this lowly maternal aperture has been swept aside. you will never again encounter such a beautifully proportioned mouse hole, due to la wokisme

will you just let me be silly for a sec. there's this dread so ancient in me

libraries are astonishing. books??? for free??? with the BONUS knowledge that people before you have held the exact same story in their hands and shared this experience with you across the constraints of time but to each reader it meant something unique??? phew wow. wowie

Your son is a valedictorian? Pretty cool. My son can hurt people with his mind

hey sorry your girlfriend erased you from her brain. yeah she didn’t want to absorb your soul so now she doesn’t remember you at all. however her mouth does still remember how to say your name even though she has no idea you exist. yeah she called for you when she was dying but on a conscious level she doesn’t know about that. sorry

everyone more pretentious than me is an insufferable poseur and everyone less pretentious than me is a clueless philistine

romantic and sexual partner.

im not familiar with that movie but ive heard of its homosexuality

“lesbians are coming out”, a poster by see red women’s workshop, 1982

listen. chipmunk. i have nothing against you or your chipmunk family. if you want to build a home underneath our window, that's fine and i support you. however. you can not just sit there chipping for an hour at a time to alert the children that there is a cat napping in the window. the cat was napping in the window before you moved in. she was there while you were scoping out the place. you cannot be suddenly sounding an alarm bell because the cat is still there.

🐈‍⬛ - zzzZzzzzZzzzzZ

🐿️ - chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip. chip.

Cats are like because I love you here is my tummy . awesome

here’s my one whole discourse post for pride month. you fucks will never ever ever wean off the radfem shit if you keep trying to give “cis men are evil” nuance. no, it’s not bad because they could be closeted or questioning, it’s bad because gender essentialism is a fucking brain poison and it makes you stupid

this is “not all men” cloaked in progressive-sounding vocabulary

harry potter blog.

“Each dot represents 5,000 hogs.” World Geography. 1948. 

untapped infinite hog supply in the ocean

Each state is lined with an impenetrable wall.of swine. We are trapped

We’ve lost canada and mexico to the hogs already