goodbye old title.

airpod baby

I LOVE YOU AIRPOD BABY !!!QQ!!!!!

i need to be doing some work but i love my phoen ❤️❤️❤️📱📱📱

70 percent of mistresses quit when he's just about to dump his spouse

google docs babygirl you are so fucking stupid

may I add:

plaaastic

Some atrocities from the notes

here's one I got that really confuses me

There's SO MANY in the notes oh my god

WHAT IS THIS 1997 Microsoft Word had a spell checker that worked just fine!!!

i hate to be the one to break this to you but they put machine learning in the spellcheckers for no reason and made them useless

my friend took in a stray and she’s the cutest kitty ever but he named her oil so whenever he sends a picture of her me and my other friends look like we’re roleplaying as the US military

in our defense this is oil

has anyone else been seeing the tweets about a lotion from sephora that attracts spiders

catholic guilt vs protestant belief in your own inherent superiority, fight

wait no I just remembered a few hundred years of history I take this post back

you’re sitting across from me in a shitty diner in anywhere, america, and i watch you pour too much creamer in your coffee and i think “i love you.” you look up, catching me staring, and for a moment i think i’m brave enough to say it, but i take too long and the moment passes. i take the balled up straw wraper and flick it at you, pretending that was my plan all along. you laugh. i never want to go another day without hearing that laugh. i think i will have all the time in the world to say it.

op are you okay

yes im married to her now

this is the kind of quality content I expect from the internet

what is the truth

they’re married you asshole

u right, my bad

thats their lesbian daughter

Reblog if you support the gay papertowel dads and their lesbian paper towel daughter

Can’t you guys read it says strength has no gender. That’s their nobinary kid whose name is “Strength”

Next time someone asks me to explain Tumblr I’m going to show them this and say “No.”

Things are happening on reddit

has anyone seen my sharp rock? i left it in the river for 100 years for safe keeping and now i can't find it. its many uneven edges have sentimental significance

when I was around twelve I used to sit at the family computer and send hatemail to a white french dude named Jacques who was a self proclaimed communist on Tumblr. This was back in the day when you didn't need a blog to send anon hate. I had no real beef with him but I just didn't like his tone. used to send him "SHUT UP Jacques" periodically. and he'd answer every single one of my asks like "who is this?? show your face or I'll fucking kill you" and I'd be like "now now, that doesn't make sense, jacques" all haughty and he'd get so fucking mad at me. One time he posted a selfie and I sent him an ask claiming I was a psychologist and that his hair parting suggested that he wasn't a communist at all. and he took it deliriously serious and went off on a 2,000 word rant. I can remember going to stay at my grandparents over that weekend, so I didn't even respond to the rant until I came back. I could've chosen to end it there, but when I returned, I sent him another ask which was like "psychologist here again: if you were a communist your hair parting would be in the middle. evenly distributed. All behavioural signs point to someone who doesn't take their own values seriously." and he went ballistic. really swearing at me. all caps type beat. he never turned the asks off, btw. which always made me wonder if he didn't know how to, or if he didn't want to cause he was convinced he was fighting a war, and this action would ensure he lost it. anyway this went on for weeks until one day I completely forgot about him like he was some kind of childhood imaginary friend I'd conjured up in my loneliness. but yesterday I happened to recall the whole scenario, because my buddy was like "remember when you were twelve and I came over to your house, and you showed me on the computer how you'd been terrorizing this random French guy for days on end. And you were laughing like fucking crazy. and I said it wasn't funny because he probably had problems, and you were like 'oh.' and you looked a bit guilty for a second, but then you went and got a grapefruit from the kitchen and threw it out of the second story window at my kid brother, who was playing in the street, and then you started laughing again?" Well. when she put it like that, needless to say I felt bad. so Jacques if you're out there I'm sorry I was such a little shit. you had totally normal hair, and you only wanted people to share stuff. If it's any consolation I know every day of my life that I'm probably going to hell for the sick things I have done

ok so for those of you who don’t know, there’s this twitter account of a japanese local hero mascot named dentman who went viral recently due to this tweet

but yeah he saw the tweet. and his response went viral as well (which is how i found his account)

and he just has like. hourly posts reminding you to brush your teeth

oh and his rival? his name is mr. mutans. whenever dentman posts he makes a post of his own, ofc

but THAT’S NOT ALL. literally while making this post i found a THIRD ACCOUNT that’s all about taking your meds

safe to say i’m losing my mind

anyway the point of all this was that people are ALREADY beginning to draw them ship art 😭

and the reactions are everything

I CANT ADD ANY MORE IMAGES BUT TRUST ME THIS IS SO FUNNY

toxic one-sided dentman yaoi wasn’t on my 2024 bingo card but it DEFINITELY IS NOW!

ah shit they're gaining on us. we gotta jettison some weight. throw all those stolen boomerangs out we don't need em

On it, boss!

Bad news, boss!