clocking in for another day at the i dont wanna factory

me and the five other people that didn’t see the northern lights are throwing a party and you’re not invited btw

dnd campaign where everyone plays a different murderous narrator of a decemberists song

gang not everyone can be the titular mariner of the mariner's revenge song. expand your horizons. what about the evil milf forest queen? the deluded singer of we both go down together who commits murder-suicide with his "lover"? the shankill butchers? the guy who resented his kids so much he killed all of them? the rusalka? whatever's going on with the guy in the culling of the fold? don't limit yourselves

I know some rad fuckers.

Bernard Hill as King Théoden in The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

you should be able to say “fuck if i know” to customers

YOU hate JK Rowling!

TRUE SIGHT

ohhh everyone wants to go on and on about supporting women’s wrongs but when i, kipperlilly copperkettle, envy the tragic past of my peers so much that i desecrate my teacher’s grave and drug the student population of aguefort and kill my party’s cleric (twice) in service of reviving a corrupted rage god—

Mentally floating face down in a river

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU'RE A PINK PONY GIRL AND YOU DANCE AT THE CLUB

Red

i like Raphael bg3 but unfortunately i dont think its for the same reasons anyone else does. he swoops in so fucking confident like "hello my baby mice (/derogatory) you wish you could kill me. you fucking wish. anyway sell me your soul or die in an unsexy tentacle explosion."

and then he sort of follows you around for like 3 acts. all quiet. spying on u. hoping youll call him. waiting by the phone. and then when you finally do run into him hes like "haha so, you miserable worms (/derogatory), have you considered i can save you and i have this really cool donkey kong hammer you want? sell me this insanely OP crown and ill give it to you. please. haha it isnt like i need you or anything, baka."

and then you break into raphaels house. hes cucked bc his girl Hope wont get with him, and she looks at you for 2 seconds and decides youre it instead. you run into his sidepiece, who is literally just a horny mirror of himself, and you can either kill or fuck the horny mirror of himself. the pathetic horny mirror of himself will absolutely tell you raphael is shit at sex. you lie to raphaels librarian, kill all his guys, rob his house, break out his girl, steal his head henchman to your side, and then fucking kill him. youre like, four sadboy adventurers with worms in your brains and you were level one like two weeks ago, and you straight up obliterate raphael and leave his house to his angry girlfriend in the will. you steal his fucking diaries. and you dont even die in an unsexy tentacle explosion.

raphael is trying so hard to be cool and hes absolutely not. he sings his little song and stalks around the shadows, but hes so uncool i think im a little obsessed actually.