I think we're seeing the consequences of surveillance, honestly. Like they're policing themselves this heavily because they've never had privacy before, not from their parents, not from their peers, not from advertisers, not online, nothing. And with all that constant and conflicting criticism, there are no consistent rules for when they're going to be attacked so they're responding by making elaborate, false rule-sets as a coping strategy. LIke "maybe, if I act this way, I'll finally be safe" but it doesn't work so they get more desperate.
Add on all the school shootings in the US, inaction on climate change, and a pandemic that was allowed to rip through schools unchecked, kids and young adults have a deep sense that their lives are disposable. And they're right! Our society is systematically hostile and abusive to children in so many ways! However, the only child abuse society gets riled up about is pedophilia. Adults act like pedophilia is the only kind of child abuse that counts as abuse.
And that's why I think we are seeing kids stretching the meaning of pedophilia. They are looking for language that encompasses all of the kinds of abuse that they're experiencing. All of the emotional abuse of children is normalized, quite a bit of physical abuse is normalized, and the lack of privacy, agency, and bodily autonomy is all socially enforced. The truth is that all of these other forms of abuse can and do lead to sexual abuse, too. These kids are on to something, but it's getting deflected and warped by the fact that they still live in the dangerous environments they've been abused in. I think more specific language will be empowering here and will also bridge the gap between the current generation of young people and other anti-violence movements.
So if you are a child or young adult who resonates with any of the above, I want you to know that as a child abuse survivor, I believe you when you say that you've been abused. I think the anxiety about fandom websites and queer people and kink is misplaced because strangers don't usually have the structural power and access to you to hurt you but I know that there are people in you life who do have that power and I'm worried about you. I think ao3/queer/kink are just the issues that you feel safest speaking up about. I see you speaking up and I think there's more going on.
So what I can do for you, as a random stranger on the internet, is give you some resources and language so you can start to articulate your experiences and find solidarity with others.
Some terms you might find helpful:
Here's a copy of the UN's Convention on the Rights of the Child. The US has refused to sign this but it's still a good idea of what the rest of the world believes you deserve and what we know will help you thrive.
Here's a copy of the power and control wheel for child abuse. Power and control wheels are commonly used in many forms of victim advocacy to help map abuse. To be clear, we count these things as abuse because we know from research that they are traumatic. Many laws have not been updated to include all these forms, so you'll notice that many of the things on this wheel are completely legal even though we know they are harmful.
Additionally, I'm including a zine I found on peer support for suicide ideation. I know that growing up, my friends and I were always told to tell a trusted adult but we didn't have one and ended up trying to help each other through some really awful shit. This is a guide written by someone with a similar experience and it details ways to informally support someone who is feeling suicidal.
