WE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR PHONE!

i cant get over the king charles portrait. they made that thing to age in his place. that painting hangs in the house of a too-friendly family you find in the post apocalyptic wasteland who inexplicably has a ready supply of fresh meat. if mario jumped into that painting he wouldn't find a charming platformer he would be flayed and hanged like a medieval criminal by an unseeable force in a droning red void. that painting is a color blindness test for people who work in IT but believe in the divine right of kings. that painting is going to weep the sequel to blood. after he dies charles is gonna crawl outta that thing like sadako.

this painting is what ultrakill speedrunners see when they close their eyes. if you showed this to the romans who flogged jesus theyd think this painting is excessive. this painting is the blood cavern from space funeral. it's the color out of space.

jegus tapdancing christ it is actually that bad

So the artist is Jonathan Yeo. His statement:

Listen. Buddy. I hate to be mean to an artist but when i first saw this I physically recoiled. If this had been done in another style and the background still matched the color of the coat I don't think I would have liked it but... this looks like it was composed of raw meat. Dude. WHY.

(I went and looked up the artist's work, and his style does overall involve a lot of this sort of heavily textured use of color. But none of the others hit me this way. He has one of Idris Elba that's a bust portrait and he isn't wearing any clothes, and the background is the same color as his skin, but like... there's more contrast in the portrait shading so it doesn't feel like Idris Elba disappears into it, and it's just not as upsetting a shade.)

LOOK at this thing. It's even more vivid in person, and it's HUGE.

Actually I'll say that the contrast between Charles's head and the rest seems like it's better in person. But it's still overwhelming and kind of upsetting.

Thank you for the explanation, and the artist's name! I couldn't tell if the bloody overtones were deliberate or not, so I looked up some more of Jonathan Yeo's art for context - and I'm glad I did. He's worked in a lot of mediums, but let's focus on the portraits, because they're fucking great...

I love these. Zoom in; each one is technically masterful but also very empathetic, delicately filling in exactly the minimum details necessary to convey the sitter's character and humanity.

So let's compare the portraits of Idris Elba, Helena Bhonam Carter, and Dennis Hopper:

To the portrait of Sgt Geoffrey Pattinson:

Okay so the blood-red staining every inch of a warmonger's portrait is 100% intentional and means exactly what we all think it means, Yeo just can't say that out loud.

Okay so I was all like "Oof what war crimes did that old guy commit" but he got his portrait painted because some Duke got misty-eyed over a D-Day ceremony:

I'm not sure that it means what this thread think it means, given that it says right there that Yeo was with the Royal Drawing School.

That portrait made me think of "The Picture of Dorian Gray" (1945) whose before-and-after pictures had extra shock value since they were Technicolor in an otherwise black-and-white film.

the portrait from The Picture of Dorian Gray is precisely what King Charles's portrait reminded me of

An interesting demonstration of how the human brain works.

But also something of a lesson regarding perception, and the unreliability of subjective perspective versus objective reality.

You can be extremely certain about how you perceive the world, your "lived experience," that which you "feel it in my heart." But that doesn't mean it's actually true. And it doesn't mean we have to endorse it, or ignore or outright deny objective reality.

That's a "you" thing, not a "we" thing.

shout out to the sound designer who was like "I know exactly what kind of music to whip out for this one!"

I've never actually seen this before, and WOW is that cool!

Wha-

I hate hate hate hate how dog friendly everything is in the city now. Barring medical necessity, there is no reason to bring your dog to a restaurant, there is no reason to bring your dog to the grocery store, there is no reason to bring your dog to the nail salon. Dogs do not need to go everywhere you go why am I being forced to be around dogs all the time

tell me in the tags the shoes you wear most often because why not

all philosophers are wrong about everything. i checked.

yk how it is, reblog for a larger sample size pls!!!!! ^_^

@idolizm

Teafication

YT link

Transcript below provided by : @/divorcetual ! thank you !

here's a fun parchment fact for you re: reusing a surface: sheepskin was often used for legal documents because it's hard to scrape out a word and rewrite without it being obviously damaged, unlike good quality calfskin where it can be undetectable that something has been altered

this has a lot of potential for fiction tbh because you could have the success of a crime hinging on whether a particular charter was written on sheep or calfskin, and therefore impress all your readers with your knowledge of the relative qualities of different types of parchment

Your knowledge on parchment is truly some of the most useful information I've ever absorbed about the middle ages. I'm writing a medieval fantasy novel where the main characters are gathering information to make a compendium of sorts so there's a lot of writing and craft involved. I'm glad I know to do research on medieval writing practices, I wouldn't have thought to check that before!

lmao i'm glad my yelling is hopefully improving the quality of future historical and fantasy novels, even if only in regards to their codicology 😆

Surely I wasn't that high last night:

i love you im glad you exist im so happy you’re alive

Rb to tell prev you love them ur glad they exist and you’re so happy they’re alive

fat little girls deserve the world tbh society is so traumatizing to them

fat little girls can do whatever they want forever actually. btw. it’s law now.

if a fat little girl punches her bullies straight in the nose that’s direct action and also a win for feminism

You have to build a nether portal there. It’s the only valid thing to do

lmao thrice

tw // blood

my chemical romances your vivids