@wereralph

im so glad this is on brand for me

when doctors ask if i have any history of cancer in my family and i have to say that yes my grandmother had 2 types of gastrointestinal cancer and they're like oh wow okay so we'll keep an eye out for that but i'm like no it was probably just all the nuclear radiation and they're like ok hm ok what the fuck do you mean and it's very weird seeing the look on american doctors' faces when you have to explain to them that believe it or not atomic bombs were dropped on this earth 2 generations ago and it did have consequences

also

NYC had to settle for millions for the NYPD doing this just last month

Their policy was changed back in 2020 to allow religious head coverings that don't obscure the face

I AM FUCKING HYPERVENTILATING

“ew thick water gross and weird” ITS NOT FUCKING FOR YOU!!!!! “ew why buy pre-cut vegetables when you can cut your own” ITS NOT FUCKING FOR YOU!!!!!! “I don’t need a device to help me put my socks on I’m not lazy” ITS NOT FUCKING FOR YOU !!!!!!!!! “Why drink liquid meals when you can cook them” ITS!!!!! NOT!!!!!! FOR!!!!!! YOU!!!!!!!!

ablebodied people literally cannot fucking cope even for 1 microsecond with the fact that some things aren’t about them and it’s hilarious

This is not a comprehensive list of everything that these items help with.

Regardless, all of these things are for disabled people and it is

Listen to me on this okay

These all promote people’s independence and help them function!

Chillout about something not being useful to you.

Are we supposed to get rid of glasses because they don’t help you personally??Are we supposed to stop giving people insulin because you would go hypoglycemic?? Are we supposed to get rid of hair ties because you’re bald??

Regardless, all of

these things are for disabled

people and it is

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

this is my fav type of post

banned from the clock app for making too many alarms. you set too many alarms girl! banned from clock app.

thing that happened to famous singer-songwriter andrew hozier-byrne

Baby lion

(Source)

always thinking abt them <3

Smooth as babies bottoms

Source

THE END KILLED ME LIKE

“yeah just a little funny thing to do; add this little butt to an aerosol can and it farts haha!!!!! excellent”

Two seconds later

ASS FLAMETHROWER. LET MY ENEMIES BURN IN THE FIRE OF MY ASSHOLE

Share for wider audience ⚡

Follow above!

i just took my beautiful daughter Clairitin out to dinner and the contemptuous SJW’s at the taco bell have slipped testosterone in with her Crunchwrap Supreme

My daughter Clairitin's crunchwrap supreme combo meal was LITERALLY just laced with hormone replacement therapy by duplicitous Taco Bell skanks and youre calling this satire. Okay.

When I was a kid my family pretended to get raptured so I would think I was left behind on earth while they all went to heaven.

I was like 8 years old and my sister and mom had gotten really into the Left Behind novels (bible fan fic about the rapture). In the books when the rapture happened the clothes that people were wearing when they got raptured were left behind in neatly folded piles.

One day when I was getting home from school my family decided that they would leave piles of neatly folded clothes around the house, and then hide in the basement.

The intended effect was that I would get home and see the clothes then, think that my family had been raptured and that I wasn’t good enough to get into heaven… or something?

The problem was that I had never read these books, and didn’t really think about the rapture very often. There was no reason that I would see some laundry on the floor and think “The rapture happened and I’ve been abandoned by God! I’ll never see my family again!! Oh nooo!!!!”

I just sat down and watched cartoons and eventually my family got bored and revealed that they were all hiding in the basement.

It’s a good thing I didn’t understand the joke, otherwise that shit would have been traumatic.

I hope this cat didnt kill any of those birds .

wow you actually found a practical use for that reaction image

holy shit

(via @lazarus-lazuli )

Good news! It only took him 3 tries 🎉🎉🎉 congrats cringe husband