THE ENNEAGRAM APPROVES

Because I can’t have one without the other, here’s The Enneagram Disapproves’ counterpart: The Enneagram Approves. It is not meant to lead you into desperately seeking any or all types’ approval - that can terribly backfire! Not to mention, it might stray you from what’s best for you. It’s one thing to acknowledge another’s needs and wants enough to find common ground, make some compromises and grow with them for the sake of having a meaningful and fulfilling relationship as well as expanding your horizons. And it’s another to give up on what’s important to you to chase and/or comply with another’s wishes.

This being said, through the Enneagram, we can explore a few common motives to give approval. And depending on how far it’s taken and in what context it is, it may or may not be sensible to expect that much.

Type 1. “You inspire me to become a better person, to stand firm in what I believe is right and change what I realize is wrong. I approve.”

Type 2. “Next to you, I feel I have a reason to be; that I have much to contribute and that it matters. And on top of that, I don’t feel underappreciated. I approve.”

Type 3. “I aspire to be a bit like you. Or, admittedly, even better! You make goals look possible to achieve and they are. I approve.”

Type 4. “You understand that you’re human and you don’t try to hide it. Whether you’re simply in the mud or flourishing wonderfully, you accept it all as part of who you are, who you’ve been and who you could be. I approve.”

Type 5. “You keep an open and flexible mind that’s also discerning. You don’t fool yourself into thinking you know it all and continue to learn. I approve.”

Type 6. “You are reliable and can be counted on. I am secure in your company. I approve.”

Type 7. “You are adventurous and exciting while keeping a light-hearted attitude that allows you to be positive! I approve.”

Type 8. “You may have a few insecurities and vulnerabilities. But damn, are you an unstoppable, feisty one! I approve.”

Type 9. “I am in my element around you. Things just flow smoothly and fit comfortably. I approve.”

People who lacked emotional engagement in childhood, men and women alike, often can’t believe that someone would want to have a relationship with them just because of who they are. They believe that if they want closeness, they must play a role that always puts the other person first.

— Lindsay C. Gibbon, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents (2015)

This is the basic mechanism of a 3

Virtue requires a delicate balance. 

This could be a great set of descriptors for tracking social stats in a game.

Woah

here’s a reminder that if you aren’t eating properly, you aren’t thinking properly. you won’t be able to control your intrusive thoughts. your emotions will overtake you. you won’t be able to verbalize how you feel, which will frustrate you even more. until you’re nourished and healthy again, your illness will continue to take hold. the only way out is to eat.

if any of my followers are interested in science, there’s actually a biological reason this happens. when the body is under attack (extreme stress, malnutrition, etc), higher function thinking (prefrontal cortex of the brain) doesn’t work as efficiently. this means that you’re not able to make smart decisions, your judgement is distorted, you can’t regulate emotions, and you won’t be able to process new information as well

instead, all your higher function thinking is sent to your midbrain. the amygdala (the part of your brain that produces strong emotions, including fight/flight) will manage your feelings, rather than the prefrontal cortex. this means you’re more likely to react strongly to triggers, and potentially in a dangerous way. your striatum, responsible for muscle memory and habitual action, is also handling functions it shouldn’t. when triggered, instead of using your skills to move forward in a healthy way, it’s much more likely that you’ll revert to old habits

the ONLY way to redirect thinking back to the prefrontal cortex is to break the cycle. it’s easier not to eat, or engage in other behaviors, but until you can regulate your intake, this pattern will continue

not exactly on topic, but mental and physical health go hand in hand

1 Tritypes (1/9)

125- Reserved, studious, perfectionist, anxious about if they truly are a good person, possibly attracted to jobs such as being a teacher. Soft under reserved exterior, expresses itself through practical yet caring questions, if someone’s sick, “Did you take your medicine at the correct time?” Likely to have a tendency to withdraw under stress to gather more information about a problem (5), though 1 disintegrates to 4 so may act like a 4 as well. Cares for loved ones, may have a desire to connect to them, but difficulty initiating or enunciating it, so somewhere in between, wishing they could do more but not sure how. Hyper aware of criticism to character, outwardly stoic. Generous but wouldn’t appear so. Usually independent, appreciates a helping hand in very desperate times very much though may not seem like the type, tries to remain objective and usually is but may sometimes be skewed by the 2 in the tritype, torn between standing back and observing and rushing forward and interacting

126- Anxious. Anxious, anxious, anxious. Double checking everything, triple checking everything. Cautionary, often asking for confirmation, multiple times. Anxious and perfectionistic tendencies about even the smallest activities. Desire to connect is much more obvious than 125 tritype. I only know of one person of this tritype though, and for them, the 2 is core, with this tritype the 1 would be core, so it’d be obvious they want to connect but still reluctant to pursue it. Difficulty handling impersonal behavior, though with 1 in charge this’d be less blatant than if the 2 were in charge. A lot of criticism of perceived slights and improper behavior, voices it to trusted accomplices as if in a secret conspiracy, “us vs. them” mentality. May be perceived as frivolous and persnickety, willing to express dissatisfaction with minor details if they feel comfortable. Desire to be personally involved, but can remain impersonal when necessary and get the job done. Wants reassurement and also wants criticism if necessary, though takes it hard but tries to hide it (less likely with 1 as core type, easier steeling themselves against it.) Desire to help, dislikes being shut out, likes to know what’s going on, worrisome, possibly paranoid behavior at times, high strung

127- Interesting combination, 1 and 7 perceived as almost opposites in some ways, though 1 does integrate to 7 when developed. May be seen as a slightly more sociable, scattered 1. Genuinely likes people. Avoidance of issues. Rigidity and structure of supposedly fun activities. Curious, quick, adept at being able to focus though since 1 is in charge. More willing to “let loose” then other 1 tritypes. Wants to help others solve their problems in the most efficient and quick way possible, may be prone to “quick fixes”, effective for a bit, problem may arise later in the long run. More friendly attitude geared towards others, may connect with many. Possibly judgmental in a humorous manner, upbeat attitude but still voices dislikes. Be good, help others, have fun. Positive attitude towards others, though willing to voice when they think something isn’t okay or “improper” behavior. Genuinely connects to people, not just on a surface level, may be perceived as “flighty” by others but really just genuine interest in many others, and not just a few. Curious about people, sympathetic, focused when necessary.

135- 135 and 358 may be the least outwardly emotional tritypes. This tritype is likely to value academic achievement very much, and appreciate knowledge and believe in it’s importance. Diligent, reserved, studious. The 3 and 1 combined with the 5, seems to be a great combination for academic success. Achievement is valued, and they must be renowned for it. 1 would place emphasis on structuring and completing things on time, being perfect in those aspects.  Intensely focused. Self control and driven to complete things. More likely to come off introverted. Curt communication, straight to the point. Observant of what they want to observe, possible that intense scrutiny of something may cause them to tune out other details they consider irrelevant. Interpersonal communication is not their strong suite. Likely to have an aristocratic personality, without intention, just in the way they carry themselves, as if they’ve already succeeded, or know they will be successful, a regal, self confident, reassured air. Not impolite, very polite but a detached air, no personal involvement perceived in their communication besides what’s necessary.

136- Wants to prove their competency. (The 6 in this tritype seems like it may come off like a counterphobic one.) This tritype would be responsible, focused, and hard working, as if to prove to an invisible doubter that they can and will succeed, and impress others as well. Self conscious, doubtful, acting against that doubt as if to prove themselves. Cautious, hyper focused on the rules and regulations of things, do things the way you’re supposed to. Worrisome and nervous  but always prepared in spite of fretting. Possibly critical of those less success oriented than them, may even be a projection of self image onto others. Responsible, wants to do well, extreme concern about not doing well, needs to prove themselves. Likely to look for allies somewhere, to fit in, with successful peers as if it’s a visible representation of their success for them. Enjoys others acknowledging and praising achievements, this quells the self doubt that they may not be doing well or could fail, may seek that reassurance. 

137- Social climber. Charming, people person. Still able to remain reserved while charming others, keeps personality to self. Success oriented. Genuinely enjoys it though. Have fun, be successful, reach your own standards. Ambitious and innovative. Cheerful. Adept at adapting to situation. A lot of people see mostly the surface personality. Could be perceived as selfish, improvises to achieve their own success. Creative, relaxed, exuding confidence, navigating situations with social ease. Assertive. Extroverted persona, may or may not be truly extroverted. Goal oriented, perfectionistic, excitable, productive, focused. Enjoys their success for their own means- a way of meeting their own standards, “perfecting them”, rise to recognition, explore, likes to connect to others, perhaps not deeply, but genuinely does enjoy conversing with them and exchanging pleasantries, and learning small facts here and there.

145- Introspective, curious, researcher. This tritype wants to know why they tick the way they do, why the world ticks the way it does, and master and perfect their understanding of those things. Desire to express themselves creatively through some avenue. Wonders if they really are a good person. The 4 may cause the 1 to manifest in a matter of morality and righteousness, diving deep into their ethics, and what is truly okay and what isn’t. More likely to be introverted. Philosophize. May attempt to dissect their emotions in a rational manner and pick through them and what they view as appropriate and what isn’t. Withdrawn. Serious surface. Easily frustrated. Overly concerned with being right and correct and can be a source of frustration, constantly rigid and always ruminating over this, fear of not having done something the correct way. Wonders about the world, daydreamers. 

146- Anxious, romantic, perfectionistic, preoccupied with doing things right and fear of being ridiculed for a mistake, cautious because of this. They want to know what’s truly valuable, and desire confidence and competence. Strong emotions, doubtful, may be somewhat shy. More likely to be introverted or have introverted characteristics. Suspicious of others. May be perceived as picky or overly concerned and worrisome. Possible deeply felt fear that they’re incompetent. Sensitive, intense, investing a lot (occasionally perceived as foolishly investing) in something. Passionate. Expectations of others to react in an unrealistic manner, deeply hurt when they don’t, possibly angry or accusatory, unrealistic expectations. Wants to perfect themselves desperately, sometimes causes them to act in a manner that could be perceived to have the opposite effect. Wants to trust others, high expectations of them make this difficult.

147 

147- Embracing depth, avoidant of internal crisis by acting against uncomfortable feelings with activities. Creative, perfectionistic, exploring. Lots of creative expression. Outward expressions may not always mirror internal ones. Idealistic. Equally likely to be introverted or extroverted. Optimistic outlook. Eccentric, engaging. Enthusiastic, unconventional. May become uncharacteristically withdrawn when in crisis and unable to avoid it any longer. Possible unrealistic outlook at times. Desires to be a truly good person and do the right thing. Bold and expressing individual self. Visionary, may become frustrated and angry or distraught when visions don’t come out as they envisioned, and they don’t feel that they’re “perfect.” or “right.”  This behavior could be seen as unnecessarily fussy or preoccupied with minor details. What you see on the surface isn’t always the true story.

That’s all for 1, I’ll be writing 2 tritypes soon :) 

The Enneagram types as Troubled Birds #2

1w9:

1w2:

2w1:

2w3:

3w2:

3w4:

4w3:

4w5:

5w4:

5w6:

6w5:

6w7:

7w6:

7w8:

8w7:

8w9:

9w8:

9w1:

I hope I can say this without being passive-aggressive or anything to infp-problems, who seems cool: MBTI enthusiasts and casual Enneagram users who really liked this post should look further into Enneagram stuff, because most of this is from https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-4/ , and the depth and focus on personal development is typical of Enneagram theory.