there’s  a  hint  of  a  nervous  smile  gracing  full  lips  as  he  extends  the   GIFT   towards  the  other ,   awaiting  his  verdict ,   anticipation  almost  palpable  in  the  air  between  them .    

   ✧    .   .  .   𝚒  𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔  𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘   𝖉𝖎𝖆𝖒𝖔𝖓𝖉𝖘  .   𝚒  𝚏𝚊𝚕𝚕  𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎   𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓼  .   ᴵ  ᵀᵁᴿᴺ  &  ᵀᵁᴿᴺ  ᴬᴳᴬᴵᴺ .   𝚒  𝚊𝚖   ᏢᎾᎳᎬᏒ   𝚊𝚗𝚍  𝚒  𝚊𝚖   𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓  .         :        𝚒 𝚊𝚖 .   .  .    𝐈  𝐀𝐌 .   .  .   𝐈  𝐀𝐌 .      

   𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐎𝐍 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐀𝐒 𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒      together ,     as  if  in  prayer ,     and  closed  his  eyes .          ❝     My  father ,     ❞          he  said ,     and  Clary  heard  Alec  suck  in  his  breath  with  a  gasp .          ❝     My  father ,     who  art  in  Hell ,     UNHALLOWED  be  thy  name .     Thy  Kingdom  come ,     thy  will  be  done ,     in  𝔢𝔡𝔬𝔪  as  it  is  in  𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖑 .     Forgive  not  my  sins ,     for  in  that  𝙵𝙸𝚁𝙴  𝙾𝙵  𝙵𝙸𝚁𝙴𝚂  there  shall  be  neither  loving  kindness ,     nor  compassion ,     nor  redemption .     𝙈𝙔  𝙁𝘼𝙏𝙃𝙀𝙍 ,     who  makes  war  in  high  places  and  low ,     come  to  me  now ;     I  call  you  as  your  son ,     and  incur  upon  myself  the  ɹǝsdousıqılıʇʎ  oɟ  ʎonɹ  snɯɯouıuƃ .     ❞

• ‘  how long must i wait for you?  ’
• ‘  how long must i wait for you to become what i need?  ’
• ‘  how long before the last dance?  ’
• ‘  how come he’s the one to let me down?  ’

• ‘  i want all that is not mine.  ’
• ‘  i want him, but we’re not right.  ’
• ‘  they will all agree i’m a suffocate.  ’
• ‘  i should go now quietly.  ’
• ‘  what a mess i leave to follow.  ’
• ‘  i’m sorry if i smothered you.  ’

• ‘  take me away into the night.  ’
• ‘  i’ll do whatever you say to me in the dark.  ’
• ‘  blow out all the candles.  ’
• ‘  you’re too old to be this shy.  ’
• ‘  i bite my tongue and torch my dreams.  ’
• ‘  things cannot be reversed, we learn from the time we are cursed.  ’
• ‘  we both know i’ll never be your lover.  ’

• ‘  my mind’s lost in bleak visions.  ’
• ‘  i’ve tried to escape but keep sinking.  ’
• ‘  he’s lost faith he’ll ever see again.  ’
• ‘  buried deep within there’s a human.  ’
• ‘  despite everything i’m still human.  ’
• ‘  i think i’m dying here.  ’
• ‘  i’m all ready for healing.  ’
• ‘  i think that i’m still human.  ’

• ‘  don’t think about the consequences.  ’
• ‘  don’t think about the choices you make.  ’
• ‘  this is torturous electricity between both of us.  ’
• ‘  this is dangerous because i what you so much.  ’
• ‘  i want you so much, but i hate your guts.  ’
• ‘  i hate you.  ’
• ‘  wipe away your tear stains.  ’
• ‘  thought you said you didn’t feel pain.  ’

• ‘  pick it all up and start again.  ’
• ‘  you’ve got a second chance.  ’
• ‘  you could go home.  ’
• ‘  escape it all, it’s just irrelevant.  ’
• ‘  it’s just medicine.  ’
• ‘  you could still be what you want to.  ’
• ‘  you’ve got a warm heart.  ’
• ‘  you’ve got a beautiful brain.  ’
• ‘  it’s disintegrating from all the medicine.  ’

• ‘  i hate sleeping alone.  ’
• ‘  i hate living alone.  ’
• ‘  talking to myself is boring conversation.  ’
• ‘  me and i are not friends, she is only an acquaintance.  ’
• ‘  i hate dreaming of being alone ‘cause you are never there.  ’
• ‘  i should get a dog or something.  ’
• ‘  i hate sleeping with you ‘cause you are never there.  ’
• ‘  you and i were once friends, now you’re only an acquaintance.  ’
• ‘  i hate dreaming of being with you.  ’

• ‘  i can’t forget it, though i’ve tried.  ’
• ‘  i know you regret it, you told me so many times.  ’
• ‘  but i still wonder why you left with her and left me behind.  ’
• ‘  take your hands off him ‘cause he’s the only one that i have ever loved.  ’
• ‘  he’s the only one that i have ever loved.  ’
• ‘  please don’t find her skin when you turn the lights off.  ’
• ‘  i can’t erase it from my mind.  ’
• ‘  i just reply it, think about it all the time.  ’
• ‘  i don’t want to imagine the words you spoke to her that night.  ’
• ‘  you both knew i’d be bleeding inside.  ’
• ‘  did she make your heart beat faster than i could?  ’
• ‘  did she give you what you hoped for?  ’
• ‘  i hope it made you feel good knowing how much i adored you.  ’
• ‘  you’re making me sick, love.  ’

• ‘  it’s a waste of time.  ’
• ‘  if you’re still breathing, you’re the lucky ones.  ’
• ‘  most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs.  ’
• ‘  we are the reckless, we are the wild youth.  ’
• ‘  one day we’ll reveal the truth.  ’
• ‘  if you’re still bleeding, you’re the lucky ones.  ’
• ‘  most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone.  ’
• ‘  we’re setting fire to our insides for fun.  ’
• ‘  it was a flood that wrecked this home.  ’
• ‘  you caused it.  ’
• ‘  i’m a lifeless face that you’ll soon forget.  ’
• ‘  my eyes are damp from the words you left ringing in my head when you broke my chest.  ’
• ‘  if you’re in love then you are the lucky one.  ’
• ‘  most of us are bitter over someone.  ’
• ‘  i’m forever missing him.  ’

here’s a letter written out in perfectly looped handwriting on magnus’ classic monogrammed stationary, left for merlin to wake up to while magnus portals to paris & buys him croissants and macarons from their favourite little bakery in the 9th arrondissement (you know the one). “do you ever think about the *massive* impact you’ve left on the world? think of everything that wouldn’t be here if not for you. entire countries? most likely. civilisation as we know it? probably. me? definitely. in 1507 years, you’ve filled up the entire world with traces and pieces of yourself, hidden in every corner, even if no one quite knows it - but i accepted long ago that you have shaped every single one of my movements from the moment that i fell in love. i pray that my life will always go hand in hand with yours. happy birthday, my love. i’ll see you soon. magnus.” a postscript near the end of the page reads, “new york is too cold for a bright soul like yours - i should awfully like to go away with you somewhere where it is hot and coloured. dress lightly.” (let’s pretend it’s still november 1st, shall we? even though in this house, it’s never too late to celebrate merlin’s birthday.) 

THE  WARLOCK  WAKES  AS  IF  FROM  A  HAZE  ,      sunlight  streaming  in  through  curtained  windows  as  if  in  active  rebellion  against  the  longer ,   darker  nights  taking  hold  of  the  city .   or  perhaps  merlin  had  simply  slept  in   (   which  wasn’t  a  rare  occcurance   -   not  at  18 ,   especially  not  at  1507   ) .   except  now ,   he  could  blame  old  age  for  that  particular  vice .   stretching ,   his  hand  reaches  towards  the  side  usually  occupied  by  his  companion ,   though  fingers  grasp  at  nothing  but  empty  sheets .   hues  of  blue  peek  from  beneath  dark  lashes ,   confirming  magnus’   ABSENCE   in  one  dreary  sweep  of  his  surroundings .   and  all  of  a  sudden ,   the  day  doesn’t  seem  as  bright  anymore .   surely ,   his  husband  wouldn’t  leave  him  on  his  birthday   …

‘   i  find  myself  alone ,   in  a  bed ,   on  my  birthday ,   with  my  personal  ray  of  sunshine  nowhere  in  sight .   come  back  soon .    the  maker  of  civilisations  demands  it .   merlin .   ’        

With ( Canadian ) Thanksgiving upon us, I wanted to take a second to say how thankful I am to all the wonderful people I’ve gotten to meet through writing Jughead here. I value you all so much, as writers but as more than that too. You are all such talented, unique, creative, beautiful individuals and I love getting to talk to you about your lives, your day, your favourite characters, anything and everything. You all hold such a special place in my heart, and I’m grateful for every friendship I have, every bit of inspiration you provide me, every kindness you show, and all that you are. You guys are amazing.