why small kittens are always either the most pathetic or the most evil creature you've ever seen

hello I am speaking to you from the future: this guy is awful at sex and will put you in the hospital. he owes you $500. you will have one orgasm the entire time you are with him and it will be followed by him scolding you to move your hand away from your clit because "it's distracting" and he can't cum unless he mimics the exact same level of numb pressure and total dissociation he has conditioned himself to masturbating with five times a day. every girl he has ever dated has tried to commit suicide. after you get away from him you will realize he looks exactly like Carl from Aqua Teen. instead of dating him you should turn your 100k word Sabrina fanfic into a breakout YA novel using find-and-replace and buy a decent vacuum cleaner

many people are saying, Tumblr user 3liza, this is so specific, are you okay. and the answer is no, I am not. and you won't be either

https://www.khanacademy.org/test-prep/sat-reading-and-writing/x0d47bcec73eb6c4b:digital-sat-grammar-practice/x0d47bcec73eb6c4b:boundaries-linking-clauses/a/grammar-guide-linking-clauses

enough reclaiming slurs, I think in 2023 we should reclaim nascar. they banned the confederate flag on all properties & their stance on lgbtq+ isn’t just performative bc in 2013 they fined a driver 10k for using a homophobic slur, condemned indiana in a statement for an anti lgbt law, and partnered w carolina’s lgbt+ chamber of conference in 2022. nascar was founded by anti-cop moonshiners/bootleggers who drove suped-up fords to out-run the police. #yaaascar

HELP

To this day, my favorite argument I ever had was with my Nascar-loving family about how a thin blue line flag on a Nascar is antithetical to the core tenets of Nascar. There is no organization more rooted in ACAB than Nascar. Literally, the only reason it exists was that a bunch of moonshining families had to build cars that could outrun the cops while on supply runs during the Prohibition Era. The goal was to make the car look like a regular vehicle so they could pick up supplies or drop off illegal alcohol without arousing suspicion. But if the cops were on you all you had to do was put the pedal to the metal and that little truck could outrun them with no problems. And of course, families would be in competition over who made the best alcohol, and whose car was fastest. So, they would have races on the weekends. When prohibition was lifted, the races continued. And that is why we have Nascar. It really frustrates me how people look at American car culture and scoff at it. Formula One racing is more exciting and more dynamic to watch, but the history of it is not as interesting: a bunch of rich assholes who made specialized cars for racing. And to this day, it is still a rich man's sport. Whereas Nascar was about a bunch of so-called hicks in the backwoods who used some basic hand tools and trial and error to make a junker into a racecar.

girlhood is touching your necklace whenever you feel nervous

me when im absolutely not corrupted by the amulet

this is what i mean when i type 👀 btw

The fact that Sir Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian Mckellen are best friends in real life makes me so happy

x

HOW ARE THEY REAL

#squadgoals

Never stops making me smile. I want someone like this in my life. 💜

Okay so the best thing,the best thing about Sirs Patrick & Ian being best friends is that they met because of the X-Men movie.

I saw Sir Patrick speak a year or so ago and someone asked him about their friendship.  He told this story about how I think they’d once or twice worked on the same production but had had very little interaction, and that when he’d been a kid, he’d utterly looked up to Sir Ian, who had had an established theater career at a very young age. 

People assume that they’ve been friends since they were young, which makes sense given the sort of work they’ve done and their career trajectories, but no. Sir Patrick basically had a giant hero-crush-from-a-distance on Sir Ian for most of his life AND THEN on the set of X-Men, their trailers were put next to each other and they were significantly older than anyone else on the set, so they started spending their downtime together. 

And became inseparable.  And this is amazing. 

So everyone who wants a friend like this, you have time. <3

I just realized that I could share this flash game ad I saved off of MySpace in like 2005 to tumblr.

It’s so important to me. It makes me feel like I’m losing my mind even after 20 years.

this is more y2k than 1000 gifsets

booktok videos should be categorized as some sort of threat to public health

just because someone can articulate their point better doesn’t make them right, it makes them articulated. 

and you aren’t stupid for having trouble articulating yourself.

we talk a lot about ohhhh what if my calling is to be the greatest mammoth hunter ever and I'm wasting my talents in the modern era but we never think about what if Thog from 30,000 BCE was the only person ever born who could get a sub-7min Donkey Kong Country any%, and he never got the chance. what about thog

the bravest person in the world

im obsessed with her

wghatever the fuck this genre of tweet is i cant fucking stop saying mein scheiss Hund as a vocal stim

As someone who knows a fair amount of German I’m trying to translate these tweets myself and Scheiß can also be used for fuck as well as shit so it can also be “my fucking dog Tank of Peace is drifting 200 nautical miles off the Colombian coast” is a whole new level of funny too me

Acab because the people that made this meme thinks the cops should just kill someone like this