Ecstasies Which Might Have Been

A snake story, based on an experience I had while I was in Florida.

*going to a festival that celebrates what has for a long time been considered sexual degeneracy by society* Oh boy I sure hope I don’t encounter anything that society views as sexually degenerate!

"This person has a secret onlyfans!" "This artist does NSFW commissions!" "This author writes porn on the side!" I cannot begin to tell you how swag and awesome that is.

Not all heroes wear capes

So funny when super conventionally attractive people have weird ass tumblr personality disorder and chronic poster syndrome like I’ll scroll through your blog and see some of the weirdest shit anyone has ever said and then get jump scared by a picture of the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen which is then followed by some more of the weirdest shit anyone has ever said

deactivated / inactive mutuals I miss u and hope you're living your best life far away from here </3

Age-old advice which is more relevant nowadays rather than less. This is the second iteration of it though. The original version is: “Never write anything in a letter you wouldn’t want to see in print.” Advice handed down by my mother from her forbears.

From the IT department. We archive EVERYTHING. And Outlook autosaves every couple seconds.

“Dance like no one is watching.  Email and text like it will one day be read in court.”

why do people always only expect you to have one thing. one disorder one pet one gender one pronouns one name one favorite movie one crush one best friend. like why do I have an inventory limit

I've put my finger on why Michael Sheen looks so Welsh out of character but doesn't when he's in character playing Englishmen. It's because they always de-curl him.

This is a Welshman:

The valleys have never seen this man before in their life:

why don't people in zombie apocalypse stories ever just wear suits of armor? you think any zombie is gonna get their shitty rotting jaws through this?

I'm gonna rip and tear my way through the zombie apocalypse completely unharmed because none of the undead hoards will be able to get through my plate mail

everyone else is like "oh we gotta stay inside the most secure places possible and never leave" and I'll be storming through the wastelands in my bloodstained suit of armor, blasting the Doom (2016) OST and plowing my way through waves of the undead. one of them tries to bite me but his shitty rotting teeth don't even leave a dent in my armor before I turn his head into paste. I'll be unstoppable until I die of dehydration or something like an idiot

this goes along with my other pet peeve about zombie apocalypse stories, namely: why does no one ever think to ride a bike? 

bikes are quiet- if the zombies react to loud noises, they won’t hear you on a bike the way they might hear you in a car. bikes don’t need gas, meaning you won’t be stranded if you run out. bikes are much, much easier to maintain than a car- there’s no computer that can short out, no fiddly engine bits that could kill you if you mess with them wrong. you can learn how to maintain a bike with a couple weeks’ worth of classes. almost every adult knows how to ride a bike, and without cars on the road, it’d be much safer to do. 

what i’m saying is

American author Mark Twain (b. 1835) lurches from his grave only to give you a massive thumbs up and die again

Mark Twain essentially invented the genre of a bystander sent into a time-travel sci-fi plot just to get someone to draw this image for him. And today we can simply search for such a picture. It is a time of wonders

no offense but if i exit out of a program that program should close. none of that running in the background shit.

There are no stupid questions

it's cool how these cost almost as much as my house