This is more speaking to the void. It's been a few years, I think about you once and awhile. Not in a way of longing, but more curious how you've been. I wonder if you do the same. For a long while, I blamed you 100 percent for the way things ended. Convinced you dragged me through the mud for years for reasons I didn't understand. With time, I accepted that I was obviously responsible for the way things ended. I understand or at least suspect you were confused and unsure as much as I was. I'm not good with words much anymore, so I can't fully explain why I acted the way I did. BP was a contributing factor, but not the only one. I've always lacked self-confidence, and was extremely insecure. I put you on this pedestal, that you were so amazing that why would you ever engage with someone like me. That one day you would realize I was born trash, and just drop me. Often I was so on edge that when you were busy or just needing some space and time that I thought was uh... too much? That's not right. I don't know how to explain it.
Regardless I don't think like that anymore. Self reflection, realizing who I was, and who I've become. Idk why I'm typing all of this, just thinking about the past. I hope you're doing well, and that you are able to live the life that makes you happy.