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Life is stuff

@life-is-things

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Anonymous asked:

The Toy Solider is the reason we have the story of the nutcracker

The real story is the "nutcracker" taking clara to see a show but instead of the land of sweets its a weirdly violent space pirate band and clara went home crying because the lead singer pointed a gun at her

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alternatively: raphaella played the sugar plum fairy and looked like the barbie version

Of course!!! How could I have been so blind?

However, Jonny is definitely the rat king.

he would be perfect for the role

look at this! i see no difference! little rat man!

This is so weird, y'all are amazing

Whoops

AHH she is so pretty

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Brianā€™s robot body is larger than the beds on the Aurora. But it never really bothered him, seeing as he doesnā€™t need to sleep. When TS finds this out, however, itā€™s outraged, and spends a week bastardizing four bedframes into the Frankenbed. The Frankenbed takes up a solid half of Brianā€™s room. It does the same with mattresses as well, to make one large enough. Brianā€™s room then becomes officially known as the cuddle room, and he no longer has a bed because every night thereā€™s bound to be at least 3 others there hogging all the room and leaving none for him. TS is very proud of itself (as it should be)

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Iā€™m really obsessed with the idea of worldbuilding that refuses to clarify its relationship to reality

When we read books we instinctively try to categorize books based on the kind of book they are, oh this is fantasy, post-apocalyptic, etc. and we try to find out things and clarify what kind of world it is and whether or not the things in it are make believe and how make believe they are.

So what if Iā€¦Messed with that process?

For instance. A book is set in Ohio. We mention the names of cities in Ohio and pieces of Ohioā€™s history and famous landmarks in Ohio and itā€™s incredibly well researched, even down to the names of museums in Cincinnati or something. Weā€™re talking very firmly established in the facts of a place. Itā€™s kind of an eerie book and in some ways the setting seems weird or cloudy or dreamy but it seems grounded in just the amount of facts that are in it about the setting.

There are little factoids dropped here and there. At first very boring ones. Something that happened at an Ohio water treatment plant in 1995. What it takes to serve on a jury in Ohio. Ohio laws about spraying pesticides on corn. Facts about corn itself. Probably one of those cutesy little facts about weird local laws.

They start to getā€¦stranger. The little bits of worldbuilding. Did you know that Ohio has had more nuclear power plant accidents than any other state? In this small town in Ohio, you used to need a license to perform an exorcism! This charming small townā€™s mayor is a ghost. In Ohio, it is legal for doctors to draw more of your blood than they need to sell to third parties. There are no Dollar Treeā€™s in Ohio. (Have you ever seen a Dollar Tree in Ohio? Are you sure?)

At some point the reader catches onto something that is clearly not right. Maybe the book states at some point that Indiana is to the east of Ohio instead of the west. This is clearly a mistake, and they move on.

Some things about the everyday realities of the setting seem peculiar. There seem to be quite a bit of packs of wild dogs about, and mold seems to grow a lot quicker. Grass is described very strangelyā€”a shade of green that isnā€™t very characteristic of grass. There seem to be a lot of cults, and there are a lot of empty lots in town enclosed with razor wire for no apparent reason. Sometimes a characterā€™s hands grow suddenly cold, and they panic and hasten inside. Frostbite? Is it the climate? Why does the author write that way?

At some point, though, it becomes clear that the author is fictionalizing a bit. It may certainly be the case that nuclear accidents have occurred in Ohio more than any other state, but the tale of how deer from that area glow in low light is probably made up. And though that famous televangelist existed and it seems plausible enough that he owned tigers, like some kind of janky drug dealer would purchase, it seems implausible that he regularly fed people to them.

As the story continues, more and more facts seem a little off, though. The spatial relationship of Ohio to its surrounding states, and the shape that Ohio is (itā€™s described at one point as having a panhandle, and as bordering East Tennessee) seems to make less and less sense. The wild dogs are massive, and have smoldering eyes like hellhounds. One nuclear disaster apparently wiped out a full sixth of Ohioā€™s population. The deer, plagued with cancer from the radiation, have turned carnivores. The wild horses run under a red skyā€”the sky is always described as red. The original capital of Ohio is lost, its stones dashed down in the war that made its citizens turn to cannibalism. The invasive plants of Ohio can pry open windows, and once choked a woman in her sleep. The people of Ohio dream more frequently of birds of prey gouging out their eyes than people in any other state. There are plagues of rats in Ohio that sometimes devastate towns. In Ohio, unexplained disappearances are rarely investigated. There are eagles in Ohioā€”their wings blot out the sun. Ohio briefly seceded from the Union in 1922, and there are those that still believe in the Free Peopleā€™s Empire of Ohio. Ohio shares a border with Arizona. Ohio has a coastline on the edge of a dark and perpetually cold sea.

It becomes abundantly clear that this is not Ohio. It is something else, named Ohio and superficially wearing Ohio as a skin, but it is not Ohio. And looking back, it is hard to tell when it stopped being Ohio. When it stopped being just quirky Americana and an eerie mood and started beingā€¦this. Small details were off early on, but these were not noticed, because they seemed so normal. The sky was always described as red, but that was because it was supposed to be sunsetā€¦right?

The governor of Ohio has been struck down. All bow before the God-Emperor of Ohio. The black wolves of Hell await those who will not bow with their teeth.

op i donā€™t know what youā€™re on about. ohio is exactly like this

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the corruption is such an interesting and freaky and genuinely utterly compelling entity wrt how it manifests in different situations and its associated allegories and i love how all of that is totally offset by how batshit insanely hilarious all of its avatars are

1. two people that are full of worms. this isnt a euphemism. one of these people contracted the worms through having sex

2. some boot boy that keeps dying and coming back to life over and over again like a video game character

3. a literal exterminator

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Look, I'm not saying that Galahad had conspiracy theorist vibes. I'm just saying that Hellfire would have been much funnier if he called his followers sheeple.

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reblogged
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tornsuits

smooth mickey really saidĀ ā€œthis eleven year old does a lot of arson, imma ask them to join my gang and then betray themā€ and didnā€™t see a single thing wrong with that plan huh

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Beau: Iā€™m just questioning my worth right now :(

Caleb, who understands self hatred and bypasses all the reassurances to appeal to her Cain Instinct: If it makes you feel any better I did literally nothing this whole time

Beau: ā€¦Yeah that does make me feel better :)

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reblogged

every time the m9 end up near a huge tree all their braincells evacuate. without fail they start out with "we should be quiet and stealthy in case of large enemies in tree" and then slowly descend into various forms of (no longer stealthy) shenanigans. shooting each other in the ass while racing up the tree. tossing rave sticks. smacking baby rocs on the head. reenacting verizon advertisements. at least one of the party watches and goes "shouldnt we be quieter....? oh well."

...i love them.

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reblogged

Yasha... has a light cantrip. That she can use on command to make an object glow.

So.... She can turn her sword into a glowstick.

The saga of the Fjord/Yasha magic rivalry gains yet another level of drama.

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