at work we have a bartender named tyler and he collects wine corks so we put them in a little box for him and another bartender makes fun of him cause his t’s look like l’s so she wrote “lyler’s corks” and i saw it this morning and i grabbed a marker and changed the ‘c’ to a ‘g’

and after he left a bartender came up to me and said “aww lyler left his gorks” and i lost it

That moment when a character has just been through hell and they crack a joke to lighten the mood but their laughter turns into sobbing

shoutout to the time my mom was hammered and i heard her trying to tell my dad that she murdered her first husband years ago and my dad very patiently said “i saw glenn in an elevator last week”

are these my only options

gotta admit, I'm impressed with their dedication to the bit

the bravery of a girl who has to decide what is for dinner and then cook it and then wash dishes every day forever and ever.

That's called being an adult

no it’s called being the bravest girl on planet earth

i think "take a hike" is like the funniest response to someone. like dude just get outta here. and go experience the wonder of nature for a bit

ancestral form of touch grass

@god-of-identity

the disney dreamlight valley subreddit is so funny actually

The longer I look at this the more unsettled I become

You have to walk through the bathroom to access three of the four bedrooms in this house

One of those three is the only room with an en-suite bath. And it isn’t the master bedroom.

Wait the middle bedroom literally has no windows

This distance is ~20 feet and you have to tour the entire house to move from Point A to Point B

Building this house in the sims and timing how long it takes a sim to get from the master bedroom to the sidewalk to go to work (he misses his entire shift)

this is a saw trap

y'all heres the real estate listing the middle bedroom does in fact have no windows also there's a pool that's not even mentioned??

take the 3D tour if you have the strength i do not lmao

imagine bringing a date home and you can’t get to your bedroom because your weird roommate sean has settled in for a long shit