Flat Bigfoot Theorist

youre just not seeing heaven if your restaurant charges $17 for a quesadilla

I love the alarmed tone of the cat meows when I’m home much later than usual. It sounds like “did you know?? Did you know it is late at night?! Hey! Hey! Did you know that there has not been dinner?! No dinner for cats? Hey! I can tell you are as concerned and worried about these developments as we are. My brother and I are also very concerned. No dinner!! The cats have not had dinner! Hey! Heeey!! Should you maybe call a police or pope or something? Congress? Dolly Parton? Did you know about this?”

whoa dude when I heard about "radfems" I thought it would be some most radical females! 😍🤙

but these chicks are saying some bogus things about other babes 😬

when you download a pdf and it's called like 1328723486basdf12.pdf but then you gently rename it to what it's supposed to be. that's forming a bond with a hurt and wild mythological creature and reminding it who it is.

listen. aging into your thirties rocks. yes your joints get a little creaky. yes you can’t sleep in a pretzel on the floor anymore after a concert or a convention. and you lose some friends. but the thing is that you sort out who your real friends are and you sort out who you really are. and you get to see your friends settling into careers they like, and adopt new dogs and cats, and you find a job you can stand, and get really good at arts and crafts, and maybe that book you loved as a kid gets a movie deal and it doesn’t suck, and you learn to like new food and bake your own bread, and you realize that the great portfolio of self harm scars you all used to curate are going white with age and not updated, and half your friends are a different gender now and so much happier and maybe you are too, and you know who you are, and that it’s a journey and not a revelation. it’s a direction you’re headed, and you’re enjoying the trip.

reaching your 30′s rocks. and i’m hearing good things about what comes next, too.

i am looking into your eyes, i am holding your hand. i absolutely promise.

if you can just live long enough, your soul will build your body into a home. you will live there and you will find a way to be at peace. it’s worth the time and it’s worth the work. i promise.

Your soul will build your body into a home.

it’s so fucked up when you see something you KNOW is a portal to somewhere but you can’t figure out how to activate it. this is the most frustrating feeling that plagues modern man.

I’ve seen this post easily 12 times now and EVERY TIME it’s just a different cat looking at a different door. 

this is stupid let’s make a world.

🌲🌲 🏕🐈‍⬛🌲🌲.

Okay. This is all there is so far. Comments/criticisms appreciated

Can you add something that can/will kill please?

That's what the cat is for

I need more

🔥🌪🌫🔥☄️🔥🪵🔥🔥☄️🪵🌪☁️

Your wicked desires have doomed this world!

unregulated use of girlpower. thousands dead millions unemployed

“Oh hell no they better not make Barney woke” - guy who’s three months behind on child support payments

Someone said that they thought this post was about Barney from half life lol

“About that pronoun I owed ya” - SJW Barney Calhoun from Democrat half life

When I first watched this as a kid I didnt understand that this person was a shapeshifter so I thought jango fett shot like a really fucked up dart at her that made her melt

star wars heritage post

theory 1: baseball curses are real bc look what happened to the cubs and the red sox

theory 2: baseball curses are fake bc no one has ever cursed the yankees

theory 3 (synthesis): no one has successfully cursed the yankees bc they employ a cadre of dark wizards

Too many curses, that's why. It's like fighting thru a giant crowd to get your curse in, and it'll be overwritten in seconds anyway.

the dark wizards got 'em

A brief insight into a world where animals vocalize like Pokémon:

Patient: “What’s wrong with me?”

Doctor: “Well let’s take a listen.”

Muffled voice from inside patient: “Tapeworm”

PSA:

1. If you are not silly, it is vital you become silly

2. If you are silly, you must stay silly

2. If you used to be silly but have stopped, you must make all efforts to return to silliness

it is past time we jettisoned the useless false dichotomy of introversion vs. extroversion and just accepted that everybody has a minimum amount of social interaction, failing which, they get really weird. and everybody has a maximum amount of social interaction, exceeding which, they get really weird. these levels are different for everyone, for a variety of reasons, and have no moral dimension. and that is all.

why would you come to this club and just shoot Myers & Briggs like this

IMO, it’s healthier to conceptualize it this way. So instead of being like “why am I being so weird? I’m an introvert, I like being alone!” you say, “Ah, I must be supergluing googly eyes to my bathroom faucet because I haven’t met my minimum threshold of social interaction and I’m trying to fill that void with these tiny pieces of plastic. Maybe I should invite someone over for dinner. They sure will be surprised by all these eyes watching them while they poop.”

holy crap this footage was just leaked by a hospital employee. the nurses at the hospital are beating Bolsonaro simply because they disagree with his beliefs. share if you are against this

Hero Mode Weapons: Here's the Platinum Motherfucker Supreme 4000 rpm Shooter that lets you wipe out an entire army by yourself.

Online Battle Weapons: Here's a reasonable weapon :) With a subweapon that compliments it nicely :) It's not perfect but in the right hands it's great! :)

Salmon Run Weapons: Here's the Goobschnoozler Piece o' Shit-o-matic. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.