Love From Within

You were never going to love me,

Not the way I needed to be loved…

I was too caught up in an idea to realize

But see, the reality is that the hurt is on me.

Revived and alive, wanting and needing that feeling, battling with internal agony war of the demanding heart, fighting against morality reprimanding anatomy.

I don’t even know how I feel, but I know it’s bad,

Heartbroken by a love so basic, this shit is sad,

How broken does one have to be to break so easily,

Being trampled on feels normal to a battered soul, never knowing the feeling of a love that’s safe, only the echoes of love grown cold.

Tied up in toxic emotions, loves a game, saving face behind last place… it was never a race a heart like mine was going to win,

For this heart loves but never received love from within.

You pour of the love you so desperately desire, waiting for a return of it so you can finally retire,

But that which you give to others you need to learn to keep, so you can finally blossom from those tears you weep.

Content is the one that knows no greater love than self, because God didn’t make us in his image to gather dust on unappreciated shelves.

WinnyWill

Choices

Life is a fucking simulation,

Choices taking us from point a to z

An infinity of limited destinations.

Walking a path of loneliness, isolated stress,

No space to decompress,

Diminishes our quality,

We work hard to be the best, pass the test,

Trading health for increased dollar quantity.

Never knew a simpler love or joy than the one I had from a complicated boy,

That grew to be a complex man,

Filled with different levels of wealthy knowledge,

To impart on the world,

Met this man and since then my life’s been on a twirl.

Floated oceans far, couldn’t forget the par,

Isolated nights in lonely cars,

Too lonely souls, less lonely together,

Wonder if something deeper is the thing that can’t be severed.

Feels like souls have a mind of their own,

Life teaches us how to ignore our impulses,

How to be grown.

Being grown means, rules and fucking regulations,

Boundaries and principles despite the constant frustrations.

Protesting heart wants what it wants,

Controlling mind, keeps heart in line,

Endless BATTLE of the two,

Every step we take is a choice we made,

Domino effect, Forrest Gump said, box of chocolate,

Never know what you’re gonna get.

Choose happiness and you can never go wrong,

our love aged like fine wine, can’t believe it’s been so long.

I keep on choosing you, I refuse to argue with my heart,

But for our current situation, I take responsibility for my part.

Isolated moment,

a memory for just us two,

The script is written, the end is told,

Think less and do what you want to do.

-WinnyWill

Sentimental

Around you!

I can’t help but feel sentimental, being apart from you - really fucked with my mental.

I believe we were one unit surrounded by the inevitable

They orbit us like the sun,

We could try to avoid the magnet; it pulls us in though we run.

Always wanted that moment,

Alone in our own world,

Never knew the hurt was mutual, guess that’s how the world turns.

Hurt people, hurt people

What a sentiment made true,

Not a hurt could erase though,

The I the love the you.

Friends we could never be,

Not enough to describe the chemistry,

History holds its place in present tales,

The full continues to be told,

Never knew a no so bold,

Yet still I sing on.

Wanting a hand- your hand to hold.

Me…happy?

That’s how I feel when I’m with you,

Wish I could grant wishes, bless my heart make things true.

Take over the fucking world…

I love that, we’ll see…

I just know some people come as leaves, twigs and branches,

But you’ll forever be a root in my life’s tree.

-WinnyWill

You took the light with you

There was a spark within me…

Something awoken that I had thought died

A feeling so intense something deep inside.

I saw a love I never thought existed

I felt a joy my soul needed but I resisted.

There’s something sweet about forbidden fruit,

There is something daunting about avoiding the truth.

Dry eyes watered by desire,

Dormant soul set fiercely on fire….

It’s real right, so why go?

Before the pages turned the story ended and now I don’t know…

What do I do with all these feelings inside,

How do I retreat, what sanctuary can I hide.

Walked away and took the blue skies too…

Walked away and you took the light with you.

-Winnywill(Winsome Drummond)

Who I am is a problem….

I feel like the more I give the less I have for myself,

Yet still I give and give and give until I am but a reflection of the ones I gave to

A mirrored you,

Reflecting empty me,

Promises fading away like tomorrows history.

A sponge,

I soak the pain you throw away,

Filling it to my soul,

I rage the rage you burn inside,

I hide from love in your abide.

Do I know love?

What’s the thing supposed to be,

Never ending misery or butterflies rotting in the pit of empty promises and forgotten dreams.

Do I know love?

Possessive possession masked as glee,

Imprisoned prisoners thinking they are free.

Do I know love?

Or is this mental slavery,

Marcus Garvey preached the importance of emancipation,

But who can ever really be free.

-WinnyWill (Winsome Drummond Williams)

Dear Diary

Dear diary,

I have a lot to say,

Shit I can only say to you,

Pouring out my soul,

Inner thoughts and feelings deemed true.

I had a lot to drink,

Though I said I’m ten weeks sober,

I fought internal fights and I cried on no one’s shoulder.

I hear the way they judge me,

Secret whispers in their minds,

They smile with me but I know their thoughts are super fucked- unkind.

I know everyday we live, it’s a day we die a little more,

That’s why I can’t stare at empty glass bottoms,

That’s why I pour.

I dream of tomorrows destiny, and call out for days I’ve missed,

I yearn for things I shouldn’t have, the warmth of a forbidden kiss.

I talk to you in sorrows door, and drown you with my thoughts,

And smile aloud to shield the scars the pretending has cost.

Until we meet again my friend, I bid you sweet adieu,

I write these words, and say goodbye, who knows which one is true.

-WinnyWill (Winsome Drummond)

Potential Energy

I will always wonder what we could have been,

What we were destined to be…

A path crossing in the dark of night,

Or bodies drawn by chemistry.

I hear the echo of our could be life and ponder on and on,

And close my eyes to hold you close cause when they part you are gone.

Heart drums beats no one else can see,

Chest pulsing breath getting harder and harder to reach.

I just want you in my arms,

I want us to be free,

I want the forbidden fruit that’s called you and me.

I never meant to turn your world all the way around,

But when I met you, you stole my heart and made my feet leave the ground.

I pour my heart upon this page, spilt ink you’ll never see

About my love and need for us to explore this potential energy.

-WinnyWill (Winsome Drummond)

Sunburnt heart

I wore my heart on my sleeve for you,

Left it out to dry from the storm it weathered.

I poured my soul out to you,

Buckets of regrets to turn my dark skies blue.

I drowned waiting for you to rescue me

Knowing I could save myself,

I tumbled over forgotten memories

Left upon my love banks shelf.

They said love was forever, but forever came too quick,

I got the bitter from the sweet and now my poor hearts sick.

I try to hide from the pain you left me with,

But it’s tearing me apart,

I lick my wounds and strangle tears to soothe this sunburnt heart.

WinnyWill(Winsome Drummond)

Looking down the barrel of a Gun

Guns don’t kill people,

I hear that a lot.

People kill people,

The proof is in the plot.

But man made the gun,

To hunt and fight under the brew of God’s sun.

The birds can’t soar free,

Hunters must have fun.

Targets shaped like dark men,

Crying out with riddled holes,

Massacred children,

By zombies droning on without souls.

The color of our skin detailed targets from the range,

Polluting the minds, of the mentally deranged.

How safe are our kids playing in elementary?

Naïve about their soon journey to the early cemetery.

Supermarket shopping doesn’t guarantee you come home alive,

Instead, its channel 3 reporting, your bloody clean up on aisle 5.

You can’t change the hearts of man,

That much is true,

So as the dawn captures the night and more fall,

 I ask what are we to do?

Desensitized by the crazy polluting our sights,

Media spreading propaganda, to keep us from the light,

Hate spreading faster than every parasite,

Did God forget about us,

Will everything be all right?

People kill people,

Whether gun, knife, or stone,

the population is the key, the government needs a closer look,

pree the throne.

Rise up and find the answers,

Protect our daughters and our sons,

Before they get stabbed, stoned, or jumped,

Looking down the barrel of a gun.

-WinnyWill (Winsome Drummond)

Premonition

I looked into the empty glass and had a premonition,

I heard my ears ringing with regret from my decision.

Emotional high, roller coaster lies,

Vision dimming, reality flies by,

Drunken slurs as I kiss the sky goodbye.

How can I feel so heavily all I wanted to forget,

I saw before I chose this path that it was a path I would regret.

I tell myself I’m okay,

But paranoia is creeping in,

I pray to God, to free me from this unfreeable sin.

I hear the sirens ringing in the night,

I see the flashing red lights,

All this excitement couldn’t be for me,

I’m a wallflower after all, never to be seen.

I’m sobering up to wellness checks,

And painful needle pricks,

Echoed words become clear, she’ll be all right - just had too much to drink.

I peer into the empty glass, somberly cross the floor,

And find myself back to first glance and in a panic refuse more.

-WinnyWill(Winsome Drummond)

Let me Sleep

It’s 3 o clock in the morning and my eyes are begging for a sleep no where in sight,

It’s lonely in reality,

I want to go back to the light.

Some of my favorite people are dreams,

At least that’s how it seems,

The trickery of the daylight,

Is what torments me and fuels my stifled screams.

When I finally drift away, I see their faces bright,

I hear their laughter giddily dancing through the night.

I know not of the harshness reality has in store,

I know only of the fruitfulness of joy behind dreams door.

Some of my favorite people walk only in my head space,

I want to close my eyes so I can see their face,

So I can talk to them like the world isn’t real,

So I can allow my emotions to finally feel,

So I can be the me I want to be,

So I can love and be loved and finally feel free.

Right now I’m tackling pillows, fighting with my sheet,

Begging and pleading please… let me sleep.

-WinnyWill(Winsome Drummond)

I should be mad revised

I see you in my dreams,

cruel enough to know I feel the pain

But still…

Can’t touch you.

Cruel enough to know I feel the pain,

For I was the heart and you the beat,

Can’t touch you,

and without that I fear defeat.

For I was the heart and you the beat,

How can I place feet in front feet,

And without that I fear defeat!

How can I see my tomorrows guilt free?

How can I place feet in front feet,

I knew you from I grew in your womb,

How can I see my tomorrows guilt free?

Life source, off course, turmoil combusts.

I knew you from I grew in your womb,

Dark soul, no one to trust,

Life source, off course, turmoil combusts.

I’ll never love again, the way I loved you…trust.

Dark soul, no one to trust,

Days to celebrate I wear all black,

I’ll never love again the way I loved you… trust.

I long for hugs, warm arms on my back.

Days to celebrate I wear all black,

I hear your voice & shattered heart cracks,

l long for hugs, warm arms on my back.

I’ve lost the days, I can’t get back on track.

I hear your voice & shattered heart cracks,

Through broken smiles I show I’m sad,

I’ve lost the days, I can’t get back on track…

but you left me, willingly or not I should be mad.

-WinnyWill (Winsome Drummond)

I should be mad

I see you in my dreams,

cruel enough to know I feel the pain

but still…

Can’t touch you.

Cruel enough to know I feel the pain,

For I was the heart and you the beat,

Without your love…

I fear defeat.

For I was the heart and you the beat,

How can I place feet in front feet,

How can I see my tomorrows

Guilt free.

How can I place feet in front feet,

I knew you from I grew in your womb,

Life source, off course,

Turmoil combusts.

I knew you from I grew in your womb,

Dark soul, no one to trust,

I’ll never love again,

The way I loved you.

Dark soul, no one to trust,

Days to celebrate I wear all black,

Plotting impossible heists, to thwart the grim reaper and steal you back.

Days to celebrate I wear all black,

I hear your voice and shattered heart cracks, l long for hugs, your warm arms on my back

I hear your voice and shattered heart cracks,

Through broken smiles I show I’m sad, but you left me… willingly or not I should be mad.

-WinnyWill (Winsome Drummond)

Second nature

The winding road narrows as it descends ,

The journey home brings me close to heaven.

I hear your name like a whisper in my heart,

It’s louder than my beats,

I long to feel the hour glass’s sand between my feet.

Time waits for me,

I notice love skipping by,

Love beckoned me,

I heard old bones cry.

Like the air I need,

The green of the trees that sway in the West Indian breeze,

Like the rain that falls to rise again,

Like this writers love for book and pen,

Needing you is second nature,

Not having you the curse I chose,

Seeking you is the cure.

Wanting you the gift I give myself,

Holding forbidden fruit, never tasted sweeter.

WinnyWill (Winsome Drummond)

Lonely

I can hear a pin drop but, I’m

Hyper focused on my heart drumming…

calculating how many beats I have left.

I feel the air inflating my lungs,

Right one, then left.

I feel my mouth drying at the thought of what’s next.

The walls have eyes but they don’t look at me,

The walls can talk, they just don’t talk back to me.

I listen to my own deep breath,

Telling myself your not out the race of life yet,

Don’t hold it, this is as good as it gets.

I break a sweat,

Turmoil dripping through my pores,

Spilling love against blind eyes, The more they shun, the more I pour.

I am but a tree falling in the woods,

No one can hear me,

I am seen, but not really clearly,

I scratch the walls of my own confinement,

I bare the pain of being translucent.

I hear the echoes of the world around,

I hear the screams I bellow, but I make no sound,

Faces frown after fake smiles leave viewing eyes completely,

Mask removed reveals the whole worlds lonely.

-WinnyWill. (WinsomeDrummond)

Wanna be loved

What’s in the word love that makes it so sweet,

What makes ordinary words strung up together sweep otherwise intelligent beings off their feet.

I want to be loved,

Such an honor to hold a heart and control its beats,

To fluster someones day so much,

To keep them on the edge of their seat.

To toss phantom smiles and absorb the real thing,

To tarnish the very meaning of a summer fling.

Loved, like Buju said,

with no strings attached,

I want to give my heart and I don’t want it back.

Real love,

The one that stuffs a heart so much like a hoarders dream,

The one that fights it out, to smile it out,

An unstoppable team.

One that showers with passion,

Fades to black the rest of the room,

One that thrives long after life places our lifeless souls in Tombs.

Loved,

The way I love you,

I wanna be loved, and I want it to be true.

-WinnyWill