Music is my only true love

Oh my. It happened:) we finally kissed and it was amazing! We both just looked at each other and was like wow and smiled! It's something that should have happened months earlier but I was a wimp until last night and just went for it. I feel like I'm floating, this is a different feeling than I have had for any other guy! It feels right, natural, perfect:) oh my I am little on cloud nine!!!!:)

Every second I spend with you makes me know all of this is worth it. We are not a "couple" but we cuddle, pay for each other, I have a MASSIVE stuff animal (named flappy) you won me from an arcade, long walks at night, car rides, gave me a shirt when I was freezing, wedding date after two months of knowing each other, me telling you that we will be so close and you saying no(hahaha), make me a better musician, the so many "you hate me" "no, you hate me" conversations, basketball hall of fame, you teaching ms how to play basketball, watching you play piano or marimba, talks on the phone that last for hours, laughing, smiles, serious talks, beat friends with a spark there. I can feel the spark when we look into each others eyes after we almost kiss or cuddle or something that is "romantic". This is something new, something that seems little to everyone else but huge to me. I have a tough last few years and this is just a nice relief to everything. as long as he is part of my life, I feel a little bit more complete than I did before. I think I'm falling for you and I hope this isn't a mistake.

I'm such a failure

When I'm with you, I feel on top of the world. You make me feel something I haven't in awhile, me. You let me be me and I do believe you like me for that. Whether that "like" is more than friends or just friends but whatever it is I'm lucky to have you in my life. We went to n arcade today and he won me the biggest teddy bear in the world and its a fantastic pillow. I know things won't happen between us unless I make the move but I'm not ready to do that. You are special to me and I don't want to risk anything but if it doesn't happen then that means it wasnt meant to be. But every day we hangout, i enjoy it every day!

I hate how people come into your life but its such a sad reason. I really believe you meet people for a reason and I don't even know where to start. My best friend Kortney lost her dad today and I am so sadden because he was such Ana amazing person but also became a second dad. Her family is the sweetest family and I can't believe any of this. I never wanted any of my friends to have to feel the pain I've felt for a year in a half now and it sucks. Her dad was an inspiration for so many thing and its sad to see him gone. I wish I could tell Kortney it gets better quickly but it doesn't its been a year and I feel my dads pain every day. Not one day goes by when I don't think of him. But I met Kortney this summer at Tanglewood and her family was gracious enough to have me over a lot and this coming summer I was suppose to live with them. They are so warming and caring and I still am speechless. If anyone reads this please pray and think of their family through this touch time that those simple thoughts are what helps get someone through a difficult time like this. My heart, prayer, and thoughts go out to the Boos family

I just don't know anymore. In the last year, my dad passed, my best friends father had a heart attack and is in a coma and my ex boyfriends father (who was a second father to me) had a heart attack. I don't want anyone else at my age to lose there dad like I did. Always happens to the people who are the kindest or sweetest. Not fair what people have to go through and I wish I could help and all I can do is be there. Take every day as its the last. You never know what can be gone in a few seconds. Life brings us curve balls and we just have to go w it sometimes. Please, who ever reads this, keep my friends and their family in your prayers and hearts.

Every single time you hug me, i feel special. You always hug me goodbye! You put a smile on my face like no one else can. When you brush my hair out of my face I see this smile on you that is contagious. When you rub my neck and your hand rubs around my ear and cheek bone, gives me butterflies. When I'm driving and you put your head on my shoulder or hold me and when I place my hand on your arm you keep it there and then hold my hand. Gives me this feeling of relaxation but also happiness, I haven't felt in a while. You make me feel different and make me feel unique. I am okay that nothing more is happening and even with these signs, I still don't think you like me. But I'm enjoying what we have whether its more than friends or just friends. But I hope you know... I really enjoy our time together and can't wait for this summer to be near you and be able to walk and hopefully maybe we will talk about "us" or we won't whatever happens though, I'm okay with it:) On another note, I will be graduating w honors and know my dad would be really proud. I think I'm going to put his photo on my cap and know he's w me the whole day, it will be sad to know my hero won't be sitting in the audience watching his baby girl graduate but he will be on my heart. Miss you dad every day.

In four years of college,I feel like I didn't accomplish anything. I feel as if I have gone no where and wasted my time. I've fallen in and out of love, lost and gained friendships, made connections with professors , lost my dad but I am leaving college with little friends and the feeling that I am going to be the worst teacher. I don't feel supported by my family or friends and don't know if I chose the right path . I want to love again, I want to share my memories and laughter with and someone who loves me for me. I want to feel confident in myself, but idk if that ever will happen!

A year ago I went through one of the most painful things in my life. I watched as my dad left this world and would never see him again. There is not a day that goes by that he is not on my mind but there also isn't a day I know he's not on my shoulder. I was the typical daddy's little girl- spoiled rotten, loved more than my brothers (haha jk), he played fr everything, he could never be mad at me, he supported me in a major he knows I would make a lot of money but wanted me to do what I wanted, but most of all our love is what made us so special. We had fathers daughter Sundays, we called each other every day and as much as I wanted to be mad at him I could he was my dad and a key point in my life. I would not be where I am if it wasn't for him. I can't believe it has been a year without my hero. The year flew but I know this is just the start. The healing hasn't truly began but today I will be thinking about my dad more than usual, I will be thinking about how I told him that he needed to let go and to be with his parents but to not be afraid to let go. I said that so much as we watched my dad pass and that was one of the most painful things to say but he is not longer living in pain... Two years of hell and back for him and he is finally at rest. I love you dad, you will always be imprinted on my heart

Happy Valentine Day, a year ago was the last time I heard my dads voice. Was the last time I heard I love you from him. It was the last time my dad got to tell me he was proud of me and that to live life and don't dwell on the silly things. Every day is easier but man, dad why did you have to leave me so early. I miss calling you every week to see how you were and work and everything. I miss your hug and kisses but most of all your love. No matter when it was, every valentines day you bought me something small and always wrote the most amazing card. But you are at rest, and it is amazing its been a year dad, a year without you... Just the memories to keep me going. Love you forever times infinity. Valentines day will never be the same but it will be the day that I last heard the most important "I love you" from my idol

I just want to know how you feel. Everyone says you give the vibes that you like me too but I don't want to make first move, I'm a wimp! I would love if you gave me a 100% sign and then I wouldn't mind asking but man I really really like you. I feel stupid! PS. First valentines day alone and proud! Haha and Next Wednesday (2/18) will be a year from my dads death. Cannot even believe its been a year without the most incredible male figure in my life. My life changed drastically that day and I don't have a day that goes by without him on my mind. It will be a tough day but I'll get through it and its just another day. Miss you dad