in another angle of this, pro-hero bkg finds out you're being held hostage via a ransom call sent to his work phone from an anonymous number.
"listen to me closely, dynamight, because i'll only say this once," the distorted voice begins, and bakugou leans back in his chair to boredly purse his lips and stare at the wall. "we are villain group Q, and a bomb has been planted at three different locations around your house."
oh. oh, you weren't going to like that. you'd just finished repotting the garden.
"these bombs are set to go off in exactly thirty minutes, and will have a blast radius of five kilometers each."
would you yell at him this idiot actually did dig up the garden? fuck, yeah, you probably would. you put the catnip pot out so mochi could exercise more.
"maybe you're busy looking for a way to recover or disarm these bombs, but don't bother. if they don't detonate automatically, a member of Q will manually flip the switch off site."
speaking of exercise, he's thinking about walking home tonight. maybe pass by that grocery store and buy milk while he's at it.
"furthermore—" furthermore? the fuck? "— we have your wife held hostage--"
"she's there with you, right now?"
"do NOT interrupt me, hero." the Q yells, and bakugou rolls his eyes.
"yeah, yeah, you got my wife and her cat held hostage and there's three bombs around my house. you're gonna ask for— what, money? the fall of heroes? my head? what is it for your case."
"uh," Q guy stutters. "money. one billion yen." he recollects himself. "and if you do not deliver this money in thirty minutes—"
bakugou kisses his teeth. "listen 'ere, dipshit, my shift ends at five o'clock which means in exactly ten minutes i'll be walkin' out that door." he leans back in his chair again, does a little spin to nod at kirishima passing by his office. "so you better tell me right here, right now, if you've got my wife with you or not. i got groceries to run and i ain't getting an earful for buying extra."
the call is blank for a while, until Q guy laughs, maniacally laughs, until all bakugou hears on the other end is an evil chuckle.
"we do, dynamight, we do. it was so easy to get to her, too. who would've thought the number two hero would barely have security around his wife—"
"my security is my wife."
"my security. is. my wife." he repeats. "now put 'er on the phone before—"
there's a loud crash on the other end of the line, followed by a series of pained growls and grunts. bakugou huffs out and crosses his arms, patiently waits for you to finish what he assumes is you and mochi tag teaming a guy, based on the hissing and yelling. he hears another a man cry for help before his screams grow quieter, ending with the sound of shattering wood and breaking glass, and bakugou prays to whatever god who's listening that they held you hostage outside.
it's more yells and cries and the sound of mochi hissing and the smoke detector going off later that he hears someone pick up the phone, and your oh so cheery little voice greets him.
"bakugou katsuki," great. the government name. "what did i say about bringing work home with you?!"
"i ain't even home yet, woman!" he grunts, and right on cue the digital clock on his desk flashes 5pm. eight minutes. you were getting slow.
"they got to my petunias, bakugou. you're sleeping on the couch tonight."
bakugou raises a brow. "do we still have a couch?"
"we do, i'm not a monster." you have the gall to sound offended.
"all four of 'em." four. huh. villains lie, who knew. "mochi found two outside. isn't that right, baby? who's a good girl? who's a good little kitty who definitely deserves a treat?"
"no treats, vet said she's getting fat." bakugou hides a smile at the sad little aw you let out, and he waves goodbye to his secretary as he slings his bag over his shoulders. "i'm on the way home. d'you need anything from the store?"
"oh! some almond milk, actually. we're running low." bakugou mentally pats himself on the back for being a good husband. "and some of those spicy gummy bears you like. my treat."
he freezes. "what did you do?"
"what the fuck did you do?"
"bakugou y/n," he grits, and he can almost physically hear you ask the gods for strength as you give mochi a little kiss on the forehead.
"your friends... may or may not have gotten glass on the carpet—"
"i just fucking vacuumed!"
