Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time

girlie that's not a random headache u are dehydrated malnourished over caffeinated over stressed and sleep deprived

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

must a fictional relationship be “healthy” or “functional”? is it not enough to simply watch two made up people destroy each other, hand in unlovable hand???

hey what the fuck is wrong with you people

idk, what is wrong with me? i’m in a healthy and stable relationship with a great partner, i’ve had lots of therapy that has helped me establish strong boundaries and recognize red flags, and i have an active social life and fulfilling career. could it be that i just… like to read books and watch movies and tv shows about dysfunctional people??? you tell me, tumblr user girlcreator!

You’re a bourgeois degenerate who wants to see shitty despicable & violent relationships for your disgusting sense of entertainment— and you should feel fucking ashamed of yourself.

I agree with @girlcreator but I definitely know there’s something wrong with you. People like you are a huge red flag to me. Bad vibes, for sure.

can you weirdos just smoke some fucking weed

shakespeare frantically rewriting macbeth’s marriage to be healthy and adjusted becuase no one will ever want to watch the original 

reblog if you’re a bourgeois degenerate who wants to see shitty despicable and violent relationships for your disgusting sense of entertainment (and you should feel fucking ashamed of yourself)

Hiya tumblr take my uquiz

I thought I'd do better but there were just some things that apparently never crossed my dash. However, as a smut writer in good standing, I have to dust my shoulders off a bit at my results.

at the start of the game karlach and astarion are absolutely fucking reeling from being suddenly freed and are in a state of manic joy that would probably seem alien to them like a week ago, while gale has been locked in his depression tower for so long he's almost completely forgotten how to talk to people. shadowheart has not a single fucking clue whats going on because shar keeps slurping up her memories and lae'zel is literally in the midst of her ultimate nightmare scenario and trapped on an alien planet with a bunch of jackasses who have no idea whats happening. so almost everyone has experienced a situational personality shift and isn't quite the person they were a year before you met them. EXCEPT Wyll. Who is just like "this isnt even the weirdest thing thats happened to me this month." my man got scooped up, tadpoled, and slammed back and said "oh well, not gonna ruin my day" and went about his business teaching self defense to children and slaying evil beasts. He didn't even seem confused he literally did not give a shit. no urgency. He's like "I'll put that in my day planner but is gonna have to wait until after i hunt down this demon." When you recruit him there is no sense of "oh man we really gotta help each other because we have the same problem" he just would have said yes because you asked and he's wyll. Or because you told him he could kill mindflayers. He'd be like "sick" and done, no questions asked. Just another Tuesday for the blade.

“Lesbians take over Piccadilly Plaza, Feb 1988″ 

(woman in photo unknown)

(source)

That anne lister quote when she couldnt sleep because the lesbian pills kicked in

DEEP in the trenches

HAPPY 200th ANNIVERSARY TO LESBIAN LONGING

people who can graciously hide that they don’t like people are so terrifying. last year while working on tech for a play i asked my friend how he became friends with another guy on the crew and he got quiet, looked straight into my soul and said “he’s not my friend. i fucking hate him.” i lost 5 years of my life

this is normal. this is how normal people interact with each other irl without killing each other with rocks. if you can’t do this you should learn how immediately because it is a basic tenet of functioning as an adult in adult society. did no one tell you this? that you have to be civil to people you don’t like even if you don’t want to? because someone should have told you this when you were about 2 years old. I’m worried about you

I got the Top 4.47% on this English Vocabulary test

I’m in the last 47.33% 

I shouldn’t have taken that test

Am I fucking stupid LMAO

Taking into account I haven’t studied English actively since I was in high school and a big part of my input is reading shit posts, I’ll take this as a win ?)

A 2017 classic updated for the new game.

he’s right

idk who needs to hear this rn but suffering is not noble. take the tylenol

One time when I was younger I was refusing to take headache medicine and my mom said “the person who invented that medicine is probably so sad you won’t let them help you” and now every time I find myself denying medicine I just imagine the saddest scientist making those big wet eyes like “why won’t you let me help” and whoop then I take the medicine

we gotta stop pretending that anakin skywalker was a normal happenstance. it’s not every day that a bull moose breaks into a stash of cocaine, busts into an elementary school and stomps a classroom of children to death, and then spends the next twenty years murdering the shit out of every other moose it ever sees in all its life until it finally commits quasi-patricide by throwing its dad into the ocean. other jedi fell to the dark side of the force, and they killed, what, a couple people? other jedi are touched by the dark side, which means they really just had a pissy week? anakin touches the dark side and kills a few dozen people. anakin falls to the dark side of the force and then murders or attempts to murder almost everyone who ever knew him in middle school. anakin falls to the dark side of the force and then storms the jedi knitting club and starts cracking heads on the pavement. within ten minutes he has saddled up to go balls-to-the-window balls-to-the-wall batshit, he stops at the bodega by the jedi temple to shotgun a four loko and a sugar free monster energy before immediately proceeding to kill like a thousand fucking people with a sword

what anakin did was dramatic taking into account his jedi-turned-evil peers, but even considering his sith peers - those guys do some massacres. dooku does some mildly heinous shit and dresses like an art deco dark elf king, maul did like, i don’t know, some light manslaughter? i don’t know, the most significant thing he does is kill the guy who is adjacent to the guys that people care about. but in his first three hours as a sith, anakin stops between jedi murders #304-#305 to personally hand almost every other sith lord ever a “sorry you sucked so bad at being evil that a rabid college student could defeat you powered solely by space redbull, but maybe you should grow a spine and step up your game” dunce cap. the “congrats on being an evil pussy” dunce cap. all these other sith lords foamed at the mouth to murder jedi even the once, and anakin just fucking goes to town and wipes the floor with an entire temple of them in about six hours, and that’s not even where he stops. the dude just keeps doing shit. from then on he charges about half-cocked half-in-possession-of-his-sanity, seven feet tall and seven million murders deep, yelling incomprehensible nonsense like a ford fiesta burdened with sentience so it has to acknowledge how much it fucking sucks. but this ford fiesta chose to cope with its inherent, terminal and chronic suckitude by joining a cult predicated on the power of a) punching everyone you meet in the dick and b) hoping everyone you meet gets punched in the dick and c) getting punched in the dick

there's no dolly in this poll not out of disrespect but because i know some of y'all would just pick her by default. so eat that!!!

i made a 2-part uquiz called Which Shakespeare character are you? and it has 50 possible results.  The first quiz puts you into one of 5 groups and links you to the group quiz that has 10 different characters each. Tag your results. :)

the funniest part of this is seeing people in the tags who want to get hamlet and get something from a play they’ve never read and they’re like UMM IM EMO??? i HAVE to be HAMLET idk who Edmund even is and I’m like… sweetie…. you’re Edmund….

we don't talk enough about "I hope someday, someone wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight. They don't pull away, they don't look at your face, and they don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight without an ounce of selfishness in it. I hope you become addicted, baby. I hope you become addicted to saying things and having them matter to someone."