My Lady Inquisitor

i love the concept of divorce lawyers. the only things in the world that have the power to undo your marriage are death itself or a special little boy with a law degree.

til death or some guy do us part

do people actually read books while in the bathtub

how do you not get everything wet

why is this making me laugh so fucking hard

THANK YOU FOR ADDING A VISUAL OMG

if I was in the Shrek universe i would be a divorce lawyer and I'd have a billboard that says like "when happily ever after isn't anymore" or something like that

Sniff sniff, fall in love

If you have no other option, you will succeed.

"I'll figure it out" is a powerful statement. Yes, you may not know what to do next or where to even begin... but you are ready and willing to do what it takes. You will in fact figure it out.

Babysitting preschool age kids rn and I find it really funny how they sometimes get hooked on completely random phrases like this 4 year old keeps adding “LUCKY FOR YOU,” to the start of Any sentence. “lucky for you, I already drank my milk.”. Are you threatening me?

man what tha hell am I going to do with a BACHELORS IN PSYCHOLOGY

bitches will hear a song and be like 'this makes me feel like i have a gaping hole in my chest' and then they put it on repeat. its me im bitches

clammy ganon will become a fixture to my vocabulary now. excellent

Breaking my 6 year tumblr absence to post some Phantom fan art 🎶  

*echoing disembodied Zelda voice*

Link. Link. That was a sick shred on your board but please focus. Link… I’m literally holding back the devil with sheer willpower. Link. Please kill this guy I want my body back. Link. I just want a pizza. Link. Why are you riding a moose? He can’t hear me can he?

Link. This is why we’re stuck in this reincarnation cycle. You need to focus. And he’s drowned in the lake again. Okay.

Link. I always knew. No, I always believed. That you would make it. Now give me one of the five hundred mushroom skewers in your pocket I haven’t eaten anything for over 100 years. I know you’ve got them. I watched you spend six hours throwing things into a wok over and over again.

i'm sorry but this is 1 of the funniest spam texts i've gotten