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endfaith

jaye’s holiday cards 2017

          happy holidays, everyone !   and as of december 2, happy   THREE YEARS   to me !   can you believe I went and decided to pick up a whole blog during finals season ?   that wasn’t very clever.   idk how I passed that semester, either. 

          so, uh, yeah, this is pretty straightforward.   I had a lot of fun doing this last year,   learned from some errors   and I’m super excited to be doing sending you holiday cards once again !   consider it my christmas / anniversary / super close to a major follower milestone giveaway. considering that I have no talent to warrant any other kind of giveaway, I’d love to be able to mail you all a card and tell you how much I appreciate you !   I will be sending a card to   EVERYONE   who either likes or reblogs this post, in coherence with these rules: 

RULES: 

  • LIKE/REBLOG this post to be eligible ! 
  • must be following me ! 
  • obviously, you must be willing to give me a mailing address. I’ll go to your inbox to ask you for it when you like/reblog this post –––– don’t post your info anywhere else ! 
  • I promise that I just delete your address once I’ve mailed the card. I will have forgotten where you’re from in .002 seconds

so uh yeah !   please participate in this, it’ll be so fun !   thank you guys for a great year !

#praycd#jaye has such cute cards i love her
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spyworn-a

heartbreak starters

❝ i feel like i’m losing you. ❞ ❝ i didn’t mean to push you away. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to lose you. ❞ ❝ please just stay with me. ❞ ❝ give me another chance. ❞ ❝ don’t you care about me at all? ❞ ❝ i thought you loved me. ❞ ❝ you promised you wouldn’t leave me. ❞ ❝ i don’t know what i’d do without you. ❞ ❝ i never thought you’d be the one to break my heart. ❞ ❝ i need time to think about us. ❞ ❝ please don’t leave like this. ❞ ❝ i’m begging you to stay. ❞ ❝ this can’t be goodbye. ❞ ❝ don’t you love me anymore? ❞ ❝ do you … not want me anymore? ❞ ❝ i wish i could be enough for you. ❞ ❝ i wish you could see how much this is hurting me. ❞ ❝ i’m scared of losing you. ❞

#PROMPTS.
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endfaith

↷ PRAYCD

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         REALISTICALLY, HE’S   NOT   PLAYING FAIR.               he knows that, somewhere deep down, in a place he feels vaguely guilty for ignoring.   realistically, he knows it’s wrong to keep pushing, especially when dean’s told him no.   except … dean never really tells him  no,   only    not now.   there’s a difference ; one is permanent, one is temporary.   he always backs off when he’s told.   even when it stings like a motherfucker.   for years, there has always been some travesty in their way, one thing or another.   if not ruby then lucifer, if not lucifer then the wall in his brain … lucifer again.   purgatory, amelia,   benny.   he doesn’t blame his brother for hesitating … but dean should expect him to come back.  DOG-LOYAL.   for the first time, in his eyes, it looks like they’re in the clear.   dean just doesn’t see it yet.   sam feels good.   he refuses to stand in his own way.
         he turns and leans against the sink once his glass is full, smirk curled around a tepid sip.   soaks in dean’s eyes on him like the glow of   VICTORY,   a quiet   I told you so.  you see ? it’s been a long time, but they’re not so different after all.   besides, sam really did pull out all the stops.   there’s a sticky print left on the rim of his glass.   there’s a weird sort of sense of   POWER   that comes with this –––– a sense of control.   over himself, over dean, over the room.   and it makes sense ; he   is   in control.   they should be enjoying it.   that’s the point he’s been trying to make this whole time.   the fabric whispers when he moves, satisfyingly fluid, slides and sits just outside the edge of his collarbone, in danger of drifting from his shoulder.   he lifts his brow, challenging.   check.    ‘  I thought … maybe you’d want some   company.  ’

   bait had been thrown,  but his brother hadn’t even batted an eye.  it’ll be fine though,  right ?  sam won’t ever know about what dean had done,  and  guilt  is already a taste he’s well acquainted with.  besides,  if he ran now,  or pushed sam away,  told him  no,  that he didn’t  need  company,   then the jig would certainly be up.   what other  excuse  could he  exhaust ?  his brother is feeling good,  and looking good,  and he wants dean to know.  he gets it.  see’s the shine on the rim of the other’s glass,  and can’t help but wonder what flavor he’s got on. 

    ❝     always want company .   .   ..     ❞          it’s not a total lie.  he does  ----  just not in the way sam had been always after.          ❝     think you could get  anything  you wanted looking like that.    ❞

#praycd#scrip#look mom i made it small so we dont suffer
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@kqziel
❛ anything it takes to make you stay. ❜
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he thinks of the original sin  /  of eve and adam.  how one allowed the other to bring them to ruin.  god would never have allowed castiel to lay with man,   physically or otherwise  &  yet,  in the night hours,  he perches upon the foot of dean’s bed,  his trench coat a mess among the messy covers.  “if i stay it means admitting this is more than nothing.  are you ready for that weight, dean?”  castiel has long since shed his walls ; a sinner among the sainted in heaven. if god disliked his actions then why keep resurrecting him? why raise him like lazarus to sin again & again. no, his father didn’t care. he only set rules in motion to keep his angels choked by chains of command.
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   it doesn’t taste  sinful  to dean.  to his lips,  it tastes sweet.  but accepting the weight of it,  of  admitting  this means  more  than a good time between friends  ----  means accepting  reality.  if cas leaves now,  it’s what’s  expected;  the angel  ALWAYS  leaves.  how can dean be hurt by this,  if there’s nothing there to be hurt by ?  if he does though .   .   .  if dean allows that door to open,  and asks cas to share his bed,  asks him to  stay,  when he leaves,  he’ll be  destroyed.  even now,  it’s barely manageable.  so no,  he  can’t   HANDLE  the weight of it.  isn’t ready. but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want it anyway.  castiel shouldn’t make any promises he can’t keep.

   ❝    this was never  NOTHING.  just a .   .   .  precaution.   ❞

#kqziel#scripture.#i didn't ask if i could respond#but u didnt say no either
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alexandriae
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whambamthankyoubram

more texts for you bitches

ANGSTY TEXTS, BITCH

[text] You should have told me you wanted me out of your life. [text] I should have never let you back into my life. [text] Okay [muse’s name] what’s the deal, pretty sure this is you…listen if you want me to leave you alone, please just tell that. [text] Please don’t walk away. [text] Please don’t do this. [text] When are you going to realize I want nothing to do with you? [text] You want nothing to do with me, I get it. [text] I’m an idiot. You fooled me again. [text] When I think things are about to change … I’m always proven wrong. [text] I just want you to be happy. And you’ll be happier without me. [text] I just hate that someone could make me trust [him/her/them] the way that I did [text] The truth is I’m not over you. [text] The truth is I never really wanted to be with you. [text] I’m seeing someone else. [text] How the hell did you get my number, stalker? [text] You’re so selfish. [text] I just saw you leave with [her/him/them]. [text] FUCK YOU AND YOUR DUMB CUTE FACE

LOVING TEXTS, BITCH

[text] Did I tell you today that you’re the most adorable? Cause, yeah. [text] Be careful. [text] I’m only saying it because I love you. [text] I’m only saying it because I care about you. [text] Okay, I’m bringing coffee. [text] I’m thinking dinner and a movie later this week? [text] Let me take you out, please? [text] Let me make you dinner tonight. [text] I want you to be happy. [text] You’re always safe with me. [text] I can’t stop thinking about you. [text] I seriously don’t know what I’d do without you. [text] I know you may not feel like you are, but you are loved. And important. Please don’t forget that. [text] It was so good seeing you. [text] You don’t need this shit. [text] I’ll be there in five minutes. [text] Let me help, please? [text] You’re important to me. [text] Stop falling asleep in the bathtub. You’re going to drown and die and leave me and I’m not having that. [text] I would gladly watch Netflix and eat Thai with you any day. [text] I’d give up my phone charger AND the last piece of gum for you. That’s love. [text] Hey beautiful no judgment but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??

ANGRY TEXTS, BITCH

[text] If you don’t want me to bust your window, I suggest you answer the phone. Now. [text] To quote Mean Girls, you’re a fugly slut. [text] Are you SERIOUSLY bringing that up right now!? [text] Lose my number, asshole. [text] You’re so predictable and obnoxious. And it’s not only me who thinks so. [text] …The least you could do is answer, wtf. [text] You’re a piece of shit human being and an even worse friend. [text] This is YOUR FAULT. And you can’t even pretend like it isn’t, because you know it is. [text] Why couldn’t you just stay out of it? [text] Holy fucking shit, take a hint, asshole. [text] Go fuck yourself. [text] What the fucking hell is wrong with you? [text] You can take your stuff back as long as I don’t light it on fire first. [text] I have cramps and a migraine so you do NOT want to mess with me right now [text] Bye and have a very fuck you day

SEXY TEXTS, BITCH

[text] Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this. [text] Why are you so hot…like honestly, it’s not fair. [text] Yeah, you looked good in your [dress/shirt/pants] last night but really, they looked way better on my floor. [text] Come over. With condoms. [text] You should come over, clothing optional. [text] I feel like a nasty slut and I LOVE IT [text] Sorry I got drunk and texted you about my sex life [text] Sex on a rooftop - trashy or adventurous? [text] If you’re not at my apartment, shirtless, in five minutes, I will be personally offended. [text] I don’t think he likes that I’m always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together [text] It’ll be like The Notebook, except with way more of my penis. [text] I didn’t know that all of his brothers would be hot and musically inclined, too. That’s a dick move on behalf of biology. [text] I DON’T WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH. [text] So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking? [text] I just need some of your time and all of your body. [text] I am available for nakedness [text] I think about [him/her/them] when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love

DRUNK TEXTS, BITCH

[drunk text] So wat are you really over me no w [drunk text] AND I UNFOLLOWED YOU ON INSTAGRAM TOO, BITCH [drunk text] You are my queen and my savior and I love you forever [drunk text] You are the most beautiful girl I have ever known [drunk text] I’m eating macaroni and cheese on a slice of pizza and autocorrect just wrote that text for me pretty much, what’s your night like [drunk text] Listen up slut, you’re one hot piece of ass and if [he/she/they] doesn’t realize it, it’s their loss [drunk text] but what’s the point of a Disney sing off party if you’re not here. You have to be be the Pumbaa to my Timon [drunk text] Can you pls remind me tomorrow of how much of a fool I made myself tonight [drunk text] FUCK YOU YOU’RE GORGEOUS [drunk text] I think maybe you and me should like go out and eat pizza or something check yes or no [drunk text] Please don’t hate me I’m too tired and too dizzy to be hated [drunk text] I hate (him/her) but less when I’m drinking. Thanks, alcohol. [drunk text] Omf g you need to get over here now I think I’m dyin [drunk text] SWEEEEEEEET CAROLINE
#PROMPTS.
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endfaith

↷ PRAYCD

          HE’S METICULOUS, BUT HE KNOWS THE KEY           is to play it   casual.   even if it’s a ruse, and everybody knows it.   even if he’s spent the last hour or so working himself up to it, swallowing rejection to gain the   CONFIDENCE …   staring at himself in the mirror until he feels like the reflection is   him   again   ( because it is ––––– and he’s whole, GOOD ).   he can hear dean puttering around the kitchen.   this is the new normal: after dinner they retreat to their rooms, and don’t speak again unless one of them   gets something   in regards to   FALLEN ANGELS ;   or unless a fresh day is broken.   sam doesn’t know what dean does, in there.   private space is so new a concept that sometimes the windowless walls feel like a cell.   he hears music, sometimes, or gunfire from movies, or nonsense muttered around the clacking of laptop keys.   regardless, though, at some point each night, dean’s door opens, and his footsteps trail to the kitchen.   he trades his empty bottle for a cold one ; he preps the coffee pot for the morning.   this is sam’s window of opportunity. 
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          he spends an hour telling himself that this’ll be different, because it will be.   because he’s playing his highest card, so … it has to be.   unsocked feet make a funny sound on the cold floor as he pads to the kitchen, softer and lighter than the boots he usually treks around the bunker, and though that’s obvious, it’s harmonious with everything else.   it’s a little cold, bare necked and naked legged.   the key is to play it casual ; he breezes past dean, thin wispy fabric sliding up his arm as he reaches for a glass, goes to fill it with water. 
          ‘  what’cha up to ?  ’     he pauses, waits for an answer.   chews on the very corner of peach-flavored lip.     ‘  y’locked yourself up in your room pretty early.   you’re not going to   sleep,   are you ?  ’           // @ofmurdering likes to suffer
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   if it’s confidence sam strives for,  it’s confidence achieved.  not only in his .   .   .  attire,  but it’s even sinking into his words.  fuck.  he only came out to the kitchen for a new beer,  maybe a bag of pretzels  ----  and realistically,  he  should  have been expecting this.  well not  this.  never this.  sam cornering him in the kitchen,  with words,  and a warm body,  yes.  with hands reaching out for places they shouldn’t touch .   .   ..   but they  can’t.  not when they aren’t  alone.  because they aren’t,  not any more.  there’s an  e l e p h a n t  in the room with them,  only,  it’s visible to dean and dean alone.  not the person it concerns the most.  he forgets though,  honestly,  as he so often does when that haze clogs his throat.  he coughs,  following his brother’s body with dark wide eyes on his walk to the sink. 

   were dean a good brother,  he’d  leave.  if he  cared  enough,  he  wouldn’t  give in  ----  just hike himself back to his room,  lock the door,  and leave it all up to his hand in the dark with those legs in his mind.  soft pink fabric slipping off broad shoulders,   just the way it  should  when he kisses that neck  ----  but dean knows the fantasy of it could never be enough.  not as much as this,  the real thing,  standing here before him,  begging.  it’s a last resort kind of effort,  isn’t it ?  dean won’t give it up,  no matter how nice sam asks  ----  so he’s simply not anymore.  it’s a fair play,  and it does,  exactly what he’s sure it intended.  dean’s hard  ----  he wants his brother,  and he doesn’t think he’ll be able to stop himself this time.          ❝     aren’t you cold ?     ❞

   eyes trail south.  down to bare feet,  back up,  slowly  ----  soft pink silk and flesh,  exposed neck ----  he’s fucked.          ❝     jesus.     ❞          he runs a hand over his mouth,  up through his hair.  it doesn’t even occur to him that he hasn’t answered a damn question sam asked.  there’s not much he’s currently comprehending.  besides the fact,  he didn’t think his brother  needed  it this  bad.          ❝     god,  sam.     ❞

#praycd#scripture.#u said not to match but i had to#it just happened#nsfw#wincest /#incest /
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caestielarchived-deactivated201

↷ KQZIEL

he wonders if dean can appreciate the IRONY that he is declaring castiel as the abuser & not himself. how warped his perception must be if he cannot see the hypocritical nature of his accusations. dean is the first to guilt castiel in using his abilities, the first to tell him he is a failure and then ask for healing or forgiveness or a dues ex machina for sam. “i follow your lead, dean — i always have — .”
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that’s your problem castiel ; too much heart — too much invested in a human who’s a fraction of your age. his lifespan is so fragile & short you often forget that his choices are driven by adrenaline and rage not FORETHOUGHT. “says the man who gave gadreel permission to enter sam and left us to become a demon and the list continues DOESN’T it, dean?”
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   at first,  dean thought it had been sleep deprivation driving his quick tongue,  but as it turns out,  if it walks like a duck,  and it quacks like a duck,  it simply is what it is.  which in this case:  it’s  anger.  it’s a fight he wants,  words or  fists,  he doesn’t care.  throwing punches won’t do much good against an  angel,  but it might feel good to ice a broken knuckle.  might somehow breathe  easier  if he’s sporting a broken rib.  it’s idiotic,  sure,  but when has  violence  ever been sane ? 

   ❝     no.  you don’t.  you and sam  ----  neither of you listen to a  damn  thing i say.  then when i turn out to be  right,  you act like i got no right to be  mad.  and just for the record,  i would  never  of had to put an angel in my brother,  if you’d been there.  if you weren’t off on some fool mission  ----  if you would have  LISTENED  to me.  ain’t no one there for me when i made that call.  not like i was for you.  or for sam.  i’m  OKAY  with my mistakes being on me,  hell,  i’ll even take sam’s.  but i gotta take yours too,  don’t i ?  leviathan.  angels.  lucifer.   jack.      ❞

#kqziel#scripture.
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