So I'm not actually dead.
Well, I did almost die because of my hemorrhagic stroke that came back, but I'm alive and partially well. I did treatment and everything. My doctor said that my condition is as great as it can be, even though I seem like I'm sick 95% of the time. They said I have no chance of every going back to the physical state I had before this stroke, even though I can be considered too young to have a stroke, and I'm trying to live with that.
I'm actually in an okay enough condition to write out some fanfics under another pseud in my AO3 account (blackjapck), although they were mostly written with half consciousness and just a product of my stress coping method.
That still did not excuse on why I have been so inactive under this name though (and I believe I have an unfinished commission work for someone too...).
I don't know how many people are going to see this post (I don't even know if I'm still shadowbanned or not), but if you don't read what happened in my last post, yes, I was inactive from this account (and my AO3 account, also under the same name) because I was shadowbanned. I changed my discord tag since then (it's now riri#4408). I also still haven't check my inboxes (comments, kudos, asks, dms) on any account under this name too. I guess my interest in the MCU have been dwindling down with everything that have been going on and I've been running to other fandoms, as if that will cure my inactiveness.
I'm so sorry for all of those. I'm not the best person at keeping contact at everyone, even through texting. After this post, I'll try to find the energy to respond. I'm so sorry if it's like I've been ignoring your inboxes on purpose. I swear I'm not! Thank you to all of you who tried to keep in contact with me even after I am inactive in this account. Please know that it means a lot to me.
Other than my hemorrhagic stroke, my life have been pretty cramped for the last half of this year, which is why the last time I posted a fanfic under my other pseud in AO3 is around July. There is a possibility that I might be changing my uni mid-way, I've been trying to maintain a good internet social life with my rl friends, there is my family being uncooperative with my health, and with the pandemic going on... I'm not the best person at keeping a profile online active and I'm so sorry for leaving everyone hanging here. You all don't deserve that.
I actually don't know what I should do with this name... 27dis. It means a lot to me. I've found so many good people through this name, so many good memories, and many mutuals or, dare I say, friends. I made this account in one of the lowest point of my life and it's also one of the best decisions I've ever made. Thank you to all of you who have been here with me.
Right now, I think I'll try to tie up any loose ends under this name (finish the commission, maybe also finish some of my hanging SamBucky fics if I have the energy, and looking through my inboxes), but I really don't know if I can promise anything. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry if I seem like a mess here (I mean, I am haha). I'm sorry if this doesn't satisfy you.
I also want to say thank you. Thank you to all of you. My mutuals, followers, anyone who have read any of my fics. Just know that every little interaction means a lot to me. Thank you for being a part of my life, no matter how small.
To anyone who just found this account: hi, hello! Keep spreading the SamBucky love! I am very happy to see how fast this little fandom has grown. I'm sorry you have to be bombarded by this post, haha.
I think that's all that I can say (for now)... Once again, I'm sorry and thank you so much.
Merry Christmas and Happy (early) New Year :)
-riri (27dis)
