Unknown Blackhole of Disability

I can’t get into it without outing myself and my job, but damn I wish people could figure out how to break the rules on their own. If you involve me, if you tell me you’re going to violate a contract, I am required to do something. I’m not a cop! I’m not a narc! You could simply not tell me this shit! I am begging you to not tell me! Don’t send me an email to my work address that says “I’m going to violate our contract, how would you suggest I do it?” Well first things first don’t fucking tell me

Like one time I was working at the bar years before weed was legal. The owner hated pot and pot smokers. And this regular was standing in front of the front door smoking his little glass pipe

“Hey man, go around the corner”

“Naw it’s cool”

“It’s really not. (The owner) will ban you if he sees you doing this in front of his bar like an idiot”

“He won’t see me”

“Yeah but I see you. And I’m asking you to go around the corner so you’re not right in front of the fucking bar”

“It’s just weed. Are you scared of weed?”

“Listen you stupid hippie I use drugs that would blow your burnout mind. I don’t give a shit about weed. But do not fucking involve me, do not involve the bar. Just take seven steps to the corner and smoke your heart out”

“Naw man it’s cool”

Then the owner came outside and blew his fucking stack and the guy was barred for life. And then the owner got mad at me for not running to him and telling him hippie Dave was burning it down in front of the bar. I’m just begging you to not involve me in your poorly thought-out crimes in a way that will get us both in serious trouble. I am begging you

Bringing this back in a general way to remind people who might be considering breaking rules that maybe not telling strangers you are about to break some rules might be wise. Because you do not know where that information is going to end up

went to an arcade today and used some of the built up credit to get a 'lucky dip' bag because i thought it would be fun to give to some younger family members over the holidays. so i ask for one and the kid at the desk says "sure. do you want a boy one or a girl one?" and babe i'm usually polite about this but i'd dyked myself up to the max today and had apparently forgotten my mental filter at home so i instinctively burst out "THEY'RE GENDERED?" in the middle of a very busy arcade and the guy starts laughing so hard he has to pull out his inhaler

HAHAHHAH GOOD TRY MOTHERFUCKER WE COUNT ANY POST WITH FIFTEEN NOTES AS A HIT ON THIS FUCKING BLOG. NONE OF THAT "INVESTING" SHIT WORKS HERE

if parks and rec was still being made they’d do a bit where ron swanson has to wear a pronouns name tag and it’d just be “???/???” And it’d cut to a talking head of him going

“I’ve been a fool all this time. It’s bad enough the government knows my name, but now they want to know my gender? So I’m not letting them know my preferred pronouns. As far as I’m concerned, no one in this building should refer to me at all.”

Ron walks into the main area of the office like “Everyone, announcement! I notice that you have been referring to me with he/him pronouns for YEARS. As I do not think the government has any business knowing my personal information, this behavior may incline them to make conclusions that they have no business even thinking about. Therefore, I request that you switch it up from now on. Keep em guessing. That is all.”

He tries to turn around and walk back into his office, but Leslie starts crying and saying Supportive Things about how proud she is to see him exploring his gender and immediately switches to they/them; she instructs Ben and Ann to do the same. Donna and Chris go for she/her, for different reasons.

Tom assures Ron that he will use only the slickest, coolest, dopest designer pronouns; he sweeps in the next day and announces that he's put together a powerpoint of the most stylish and fashionable neopronouns to come out of Milan this season. The powerpoint includes the scarf, cologne and sunglasses that pair best with each option. Jerry is the only one to attend this presentation, which leaves him even more Big Confused about the whole thing than he already was. In Jerry's efforts to clumsily be an ally, he keeps accidentally "misgendering" Ron four different times in four different ways in every interaction and apologizing elaborately for every single mistake, thereby inadvertently doing the best job out of any of them at fulfilling the brief.

Andy does not know what a pronoun is, but in the spirit of himbo helpfulness, he's made a list of Words that he knows Ron likes, such as "sandwich", "woodworking", and "bacon". (Ron snatches it, tears it up, throws it in the trash, and sets the trash basket on fire, and firmly instructs Andy to never again mention anything that Ron likes while inside a government building.)

April, of course, keeps using he/him until Ron calls her into his office to re-explain the strategy of Operation: Muddy The Waters, whereupon she blinks owlishly at him and says, "I mean, isn't that just what they'd expect you to do if you were trying to hide something from the government? If you exclude one pronoun, then they know that's the one you care about. You have to double-bluff them." Ron squints at her for a long moment and says flatly, "Hm. Go back to your desk." The camera stays on Ron watching her through his window as his voiceover says, "April is a valuable employee. I look forward to one day when she leaves this hellhole and uses her strategic genius and insider knowledge to tear down the government."

As I grow older I feel my capacity to understand that Miss Piggy is not a real person reached a peak in my adolescence and is now on a steady decline. I watched a Wendy Williams interview and there's this part that's like "can we get a ring cam!" and Miss Piggy shows her bling and I'm just like fuck she's so iconic. Miss Piggy who are you wearing? Miss Piggy have you ever considered running for office??

Like literally every time I see Miss Piggy there's a period where I need to readjust to the fact that it's not a person, and I feel that period is getting longer and longer with every instance

now all my Youtube recommendations are filled with Miss Piggy interviews. I’m not complaining. Miss Piggy what’s your secret to ageing so graciously

It's not just the audience; professional journalists, hosts, and actors report it is legitimately difficult to not see the Muppet as a person, and it is, in fact, incredibly easy to interview or act with them once the performer gets properly set up.

Like that one time they couldn't figure out why Kermit's audio was so garbage... then realized they'd put the mic on him instead of the performer.

this has been a very longstanding issue - before the muppet show was even a thing some muppets appeared in commercials, such as rolf the dog they had a continual problem where when people directing/shooting the dogfood commercial would give dirrection to rolf that they would be speaking to the muppet, to which rolf REPEATEDLY had to tell them ‘i cant hear you, you have to talk to him’ and point at the performer underneath him rolf is one of the most embarrassing muppets to need this direction as the performer is this, damn, obvious when not on camera

‘sir, i am a bathroom mat, the man you need to talk to is back there’

I did an interview with Gonzo one time, and when I got into the Zoom call, it was the actor on screen trying to figure out his audio. And then once he did, he went like “OKAY!” and then just like dove to the floor and it was Gonzo and there was never a moment when I doubted that the dude was just Gonzo’s tech guy 

I have met a muppet-like puppet in real life and when I tell you that my brain was hacked FUCKING INSTANTLY..... It was a person, I swear it was a person. I asked it for a hug (no i was not 5 years old, i was like 28 at this time). i genuinely don't know what came over me, it was just. It was a person???? Witchcraft

A couple years ago, I was invited to the birthday party of one of my former preschool students. I decided to bring my teaching puppet (a big rat) along because I knew several other kids from that class would be there, and she was always a huge hit with them.

They were, of course, very excited to see her. But what surprised me was that after the kids ran off to play in the sprinkler, the parents around me struck up conversation with the puppet. They continued for at least fifteen minutes, asking her questions like, "how long have you been teaching?" and "eaten out of any good dumpsters lately?" until one dad exclaimed "why have I been talking to a rat puppet this whole time!"

There's a guy who comes to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science with life size Skeleton puppets of mammoth/young T-Rex that he wears. You can fully see him in the middle of the skeleton, and it's a SKELETON, but absolutely everyone interacts with the puppets like they're living, breathing animals. I watched multiple people attempt to feed pretzels to the baby rex.

People have written a lot of touchy-feely pieces on this subject but I thought I’d get right to the heart of the matter

[The artist, putting a simple cake next to a much fancier one: “Aw man, that guy’s cake is way better than mine.” The Audience, gleefully holding up a knife and fork “HOLY SHIT! TWO CAKES!”]

additions from the og artist (credit)

“Holy shit two cakes,” I mutter to myself as I do fucking anything these days, this post was a godsend

people are so stunned when I tell them that saying stuff like “oh, you have a real medical issue but these other people are faking it” doesn’t make me feel safe or comfortable at all. I have just as easily been considered “those other people.” The rhetoric around “those other people” is just ableism and it always has been, you are just adding an exception because it makes you feel better about being cruel.

me when my disabilities disable me:

Near as I understand it, people with fragrance sensitivities are functionally having an allergy response to the *musk* that's in the fragrance. The carrier agent. Which, annoyingly enough, sometimes means you don't even have to be able to perceive whatever scented thing is in your immediate vicinity - you'll just get the damn migraine. Or other reaction.

Thing is, this isn't just limited to perfumes. It's ANYTHING scented. The laundry detergent. The hand lotion. THE HAND SOAP. The shampoo and conditioner. The fucking cat litter. Freaking household cleaners. Hairspray. Makeup!

I've gotten hives because I bought a jacket after someone else had tried it on, and they had perfume on their wrists.

I'm going to have to do something about the bathroom at work, because they just changed out the soap dispensers and therefore, the soap, and the scent building up in the bathroom from people washing their hands is triggering migraines for me.

I frequently have to alter my walking path because the person ahead of me is wearing something and I have to get to air they haven't contaminated.

I have several coworkers that I cannot be in the same vicinity with simply because they wear a cologne that happens to be particularly evil to my brain. And yes, I've told them that their cologne triggers my migraines. They won't give up their stinky shit, but they will at least avoid my office, so there is that.

Nothing needs to be scented. If you really want to be nice to people with scent allergies, just don't use anything. Just clean the house. Clean houses don't smell bad (usually) and therefore don't need to have odorizers to cover the stink.

My house was *rank* when I bought it. Previous owners had 5 dogs in a wet climate. They used (thankfully mild) deodorizers to help combat the smell. I ripped out the carpet and solved the problem.

Just go for "free and clear" products whenever possible. Sadly, things labeled "unscented" are actually scented... It's a damn nightmare.

Anyway. Hi. I may be mildly passionate about this, because it puts me in pain on a daily basis. I'm thankful you are curious enough to ask.

Fragrance free is also something to look for, because yeah “unscented” usually means it’s scented. Fragrance free means nothing has been added.

*sing song voice* my resting heart rate while lying down is 140 and I’m breaking out in hiiiiives

Me in about 20 minutes when the respiratory symptoms progress to my GI tract.

For those checking in at the twenty minute mark (thank you) the reaction is actually going down. My mast cells have instead opted for general inflammation. I know this because my shoulder popped out and is refusing to go back in all the way and that happens sometimes when the little bastards go after my joints instead.

Fun fact: That’s why it’s so common in EDS!

Also if you’ve got any type of arthritis, you can thank mast cells for the inflammation. Yeah. Bet your rheumatologist neglected to tell you that one.

Fucking “rare” disorder indeed.

*sing song voice* my resting heart rate while lying down is 140 and I’m breaking out in hiiiiives

Me in about 20 minutes when the respiratory symptoms progress to my GI tract.

For those checking in at the twenty minute mark (thank you) the reaction is actually going down. My mast cells have instead opted for general inflammation. I know this because my shoulder popped out and is refusing to go back in all the way and that happens sometimes when the little bastards go after my joints instead.

Fun fact: That’s why it’s so common in EDS!

Also if you’ve got any type of arthritis, you can thank mast cells for the inflammation. Yeah. Bet your rheumatologist neglected to tell you that one.

Fucking “rare” disorder indeed.

yeah, my MCAS did something similar. It took me awhile to recognize that it was allergic reactions, rather than just inflammation

If you see this you’re legally obligated to reblog and tag with the book you’re currently reading

Alright was no one going to tell me that in the middle of the Nevada desert is an old cemetery that contains the bodies of a bunch of miners who died in a fire and next door is a haunted clown motel

Why are we still setting horror movies in generic Victorian houses in the woods when this is a real place in the world

im at the miner cemetery. im at the haunted clown motel. im at the combination miner cemetery and haunted clown motel.

The Great Lakes and Saint Lawrence River superimposed on a map of Europe

…OH.

I googled it once and the only reason why the Great Lakes aren’t called inland seas is because they are entirely freshwater, not salt.

By any other metric they’d be seas. Superior especially (the big one in the upper left) behaves like a small ocean, and has claimed at least 250 ships and over 1000 people. Gordon Lightfoot wrote a frankly chilling song about her that I’ll include here:

Lake Michigan has never fully frozen. Leading to some absolutely terrifying images

Layers of ice created, shattered, and built up like this.

Hey, here’s a picture of that lighthouse in 2015, when we had a polar vortex

I love the Great Lakes, you know how all boats look like shit, like just rusty hulks, you don’t get that on the Great Lakes because it’s fresh water, like the shipwrecks are incredibly well preserved

You can only eat 2 foods for the next 2 years (with no health repercussions)

Spin this wheel twice to figure out what they are!

Life-changing OCD hack is learning that you can literally call poison control to check if you fucked up and took medications wrong in a way that could kill you instead of having a panic attack while reading reddit and quora threads for an hour. They won't even be mad at you. Like obviously don't do it every day or something but genuinely you can do this if you need to

as people turn more and more towards the internet as a first choice for information, poison control (which has rebranded as poison help? i think?) is seeing fewer and fewer callers

part of this is because the USAmerican birth rates have slowed, and the number 1 culprit for why you'd call poison control is kids under 5 put shit in their mouths all the time

but part of it is BECAUSE people are turning to the internet first

and you don't have to! poison control is FREE and available in EVERY US STATE AND TERRITORY

they are staffed 24/7 365 days a year! they do everything they can to minimize wait times and they have an ENORMOUS database of medications, household cleaners, chemicals, pesticides, and MORE! and not only information on JUST those things, but how they interact with other things! they can even give you advice on if your pet ingests something they shouldn't!

but poison control isn't federally funded! they're a frankenstein mishmash of state funded, federally funded, and a couple of other weird ones (like organizations helping with funding) just for flavor. poison control NEEDS you to be politically aware. keep a finger on local and state politics; if your state is voting to shut down their poison control center, make sure your reps hear about how pissed you are!

poison control saves lives, but even more than that, it keeps people out of emergency rooms and walk-ins when they don't have to be. when Louisiana closed its PCC in 1988, people who called the PCC hotline were instructed to call their local hospital instead. the number of medically-treated poisonings rose by 42%...meaning ERs and walk-ins were flooded with people who'd taken, say, one extra pill of ibuprofen by accident, or got a bit of rubbing alcohol in their mouth, or got their dog's flea medicine on their skin. stuff that was SCARY, sure...but wouldn't have needed medical care at all if there had just been someone to tell those people you can just wash your mouth out, or wash your skin, or refrain from taking any more ibuprofen for at least 24 hours!

anyway help ur local PCC, put the pressure on your political reps, and if you ever have questions like "hypothetically what would happen if you inhaled iodine," you can call 1 800 222 1222 and speak with a real live reassuring person any time day or night!

my vet was saying that I had the first cat at their clinic to survive FIP, and the first cat to recover from diabetes with senvelgo (which is a relatively new alternative to insulin). and I said, as cool as that is, I REALLY hope I can stop bringing you firsts!