Danny, in his forties, knows he passes for two people; Bruce Wayne and some randomass reporter named Clark Kent. Which is great, because he's about to defend Bruce Wayne's son, and it'd be weird if the press thought he was just some rando.

Danny didn't want to know who the fuck Bruce Wayne was, but Sam's parents would not shut up about the guy as Danny was growing up.

So, yeah; he can recognize Bruce Wayne on site. And his children.

Not because he stalked them! It was all Sam's fault, her and her parents! Her for complaining about the Waynes, and her parents for idolizing them!

Anyways, he's pretty sure he just saw some chick drug Dick Grayson's quadruple sugar caramel frappe, and Dick drank it.

Danny doesn't really think? He kind of just moves.

Dick Grayson barely gets out a "Uh, hey-?" before Danny decks the bitch in the face hard enough to throw the woman back five feet.

She's definitely going to need a hospital.

Danny doesn't give a fuck.

Danny gives so little fucks that he just puts a very carefully gentle hand on Dick Grayson's shoulder and steers him away from the scene.

"She roofied your drink. I'm taking you to the hospital."

If a worker who isn't the owner says ANYTHING similar to "I'm not really supposed to do this but-" and then does something that helps you, under no circumstances inform the business, including through reviews. You tell them that the worker was polite, professional, the very model of customer service and why you like to go there. You do not breathe a word of the rulebreaking.

"They really went above and beyond for me, and it's appreciated. They should be recognized and rewarded for what a great job they do."

Bonus: You can also do this right away. "Hey, can I talk to your supervisor? I want to tell them you did a good job." This works especially well if they're in a call center or something like that, which can often be anonymous and soul-crushing.

Poking at an AU where Dooku, after leaving the Jedi but before he Falls, finds Ventress, who has fallen but is also like seventeen and emo.

I know she personally hunts him down for training in CW'03, but. I want this aging queen of a man to look at an angsty wet cat teenage assassin and go I Can Fix Her.

Former Jedi Current Rich Guy Dooku going pspspsps to the screaming girl in KISS makeup that's trying to lop his head off.

He just wants to acquire a daughter. A villainous, murderous daughter who won't get Weird about it like poor Komari did.

People talk about caring for and healing your inner child but I think we should also care and heal for our inner teenager.

when I was a teen all I wanted was to hang out with my friends express myself and sleep. I do more them that now of course and honestly I’m not there yet in some ways but I think it’s important to feed that teenage rebellion even into adulthood even if you like me never got to experience much of it in your actual teen years

DC X DP PROMPT #16

Mr. Lancer is the brother of Lex Luthor. He never really had an eye for business, or invention, or innovation. He just wanted to be a teacher, spread the good word on literature. Which is the whole reason he had changed his name and moved to the middle of nowhere.

He does not appreciate his brother delivering a package in his door. Not delivering it personally, not even sending a physical person to do a drop off. Just a measly note.

'hold onto this for me - L.L.'

What has Lex ever done for him? Nothing, that's what. So Mr. Lancer does the sensible thing. He opens the box to investigate to find - hardened ectoplasm?

Mr. Lancer knows about Danny and co. Au where Kryptonite is just hardened Ecto and is basically rock candy. Lex sends his brother a shit ton of kryptonite for safe keeping thinking 'he lives in the middle of nowhere what's he gonna do with it?' he feeds it to Danny :)

I'm not saying Jason attacking Tim titans tower is actually all that brutal, cause it's not. And physical fights aren't uncommon for siblings. And that you can make jokes about "peak sibling behavior" and that its funny.

But I hope the people saying this understand that siblings beating each other so badly they have scars and bruises that their parents should have intervened. Like. You understand that right. Children sending their siblings to the hospital is bad, and as a parent you need to do whatever you can to stop that. Do you get that.

Wes got a job at a call center for tech support, specifically for Wayne Enterprises Tech. He has the worst reviews out of anyone.

Bruce received the report and, bored, decides to listen to the calls.

Wes Weston is performing perfectly. He's giving all the correct information, even going above and beyond, but every person he speaks with doesn't believe him.

Even Bruce, for some strange reason, feels ridicule building in his chest even as Wes solves an issue far above the man's paygrade.

He pauses.

He assesses.

He decides to dig further.

By the time he's done, he's come to the horrible realization that this new hire is cursed. Literally. The man appears to be cursed so that no one believes him when he tells them the truth.

He...could reach out to JLD, see if they could potentially break it.

Or.

Or.

He could hire the man on as his secretary.

That way, if he gets kidnapped, even if he tells the truth, no one will believe him. It's perfect corporate security.

So when Wes is in the process of handing in his two weeks notice, fed up with no one believing him when he's literally reading from a script, he's surprised when Bruce Wayne himself shows up and just...informs him that he's been moved from tech support to secretary, with far better pay.

Danny's found a way to dodge GIW trackers, as well as his parents. Their equipment hunts ghosts, ghosts run on emotion; so as long as he keeps his under a tight lid and doesn't feel anything ever, they won't be able to track him.

It works!

He's able to run from them, and goes as far as New Jersey. The plan was to stow away on a ship, and go to literally any country that wasn't America. He goes to Gotham, which hosts the one harbor he knows where no one will ask any questions.

But because of how weird he acted (completely emotionless during a Joker attack), he was fingered by police immediately.

He's handed over to CPP. CPP doesn't know what to do with a teen literally so traumatized that they don't show any emotion at all, ever. He keeps just...walking out of his placements. Just leaves without a sound.

Luckily, he's always caught, due to those placement houses having quiet alarms and him refusing to run.

They call the one foster parent they know who does.

Bruce Wayne takes in the strange, nameless kid who refuses to talk.

On paper, they gave him the filler name of 'John Doe', for lack of anything better to do.

Bruce does everything he can to make the newest arrival feel at home. Damian, for as territorial as he is, actually breaks out of his shell sooner than expected just to try to get the new kid to speak. To emote. To do something. Duke tries the open approach, then tries the 'no one will ever know, everyone thinks I'm an innocent goody-two-shoes' approach. Nada.

Tim even tries to trick him into talking, but nothing works.

Enter Dick; Dick heard about Bruce's new ward, about the situation, and decided to see if he could get the kid to open up.

Danny though. Danny's in trouble.

The Wayne Manor is weirdly secure, and he can't just walk away like he did his other placements. He can't use ghost powers or the GIW and his parents will immediately know where he is.

He really, really wants to take Bruce up on his offer and just spend the day relaxing. Respond to Damian's attempts to provoke him. Overshare about space facts with Tim.

But most of all, he really, desperately wants to get in a Pun Competition with Dick. He wants to laugh at Dick's jokes, and learn coolass gymnastic tricks!

But he can't!

If he relaxes with Bruce, he'll be content, which is an emotion. If he argues with Damian, he'll get annoyed, which is an emotion. If he sneaks out with Duke and breaks the rules, he'll get happy, which, again, emotion. If he overshares with Tim, he'll get excited, which is, yet again, an emotion!

The worst sin of all, he can't even show proper appreciation of the food the Butler keeps making him!

And now there's even more people coming over!

There's a quiet girl who keeps reading his body language and trying to get him to dance ballet, a blonde girl who keeps trying to kidnap him to take him to BatBurger, a guy with a stripe of white who wants to take him to a shooting range, and it just...he really, really wants to!

He wants to do all these cool things with them!

But he fucking can't!

Retired hero & current (almost) mad scientist/engineer Daniel James Wayne where he's absolutely oblivious. And I mean that in a batfam knows everything about him but Danny? Has not pulled the dots together.

Danny "Oh yeah my family's a bit weird and I could smell lingering death on them but that's pretty much it what's wrong with it?" Wayne.

Danny who is allowed to do anything as he please and coming to Bruce just giving him new inventions, ghost related or not, and flatly asking weather or not it was possible to give it to Batman to test.

Hey Beloved But Dimwitted Himbo Brucie Wayne, Who Is My Dad! Here's a very dangerous, ecto powered, tazer net gun! With build in hand warmers and phone charger! Also this freeze gun, this goo grenade, and these Suspect Chemicals. Could give these to that guy you hate but keep running into when you next see him? Thanks! Bye~☆

Like? Bruce is glad to see his cover DEFINITELY is working... but you DO realize if he was half as dumb as he pretended to be... he would DIE, right?

I mean, when you think about Jack...

Danny, who has had a front row seat to Jack Fenton, would completely and earnestly believe that Brucie is That Level of Goofball who is hypercompetent and obsessed with exactly one thing and all things related to it. And 100% missing every single damn clue that someone he thinks is a buddy hates him.

Brucie probably used up all his braincells on being a dad or with family in general. Look at all these kids who call Brucie 'dad'! Brucie keeps making charities in his parents' names to keep their spirits/interests alive. Danny's sure that's definitely how it works.

(No. No that's not how it works, Danny. Did you just give 'Brucie' a weapon to murder someone? WHO? Joker? Ra's Al Ghul? Lex Luthor? A random member of Wayne Enterprises' board who's skimming off the top?)

Let's play with this.

Danny has no idea that the Waynes are also the Bats. He honestly, truly, has no idea. However--everyone thinks he does, because everything he makes is super hyperspecific to whatever situation they're about to be in. (There may even be a bet going on whether or not he's psychic.) So while Bruce may nod, smile, and thank Danny for the pocket protector that turns into a shield that will zap anyone who tries to stab him, he will wear it and be just as surprised as everyone else with electrocutes the assassin posing as an intern during a board meeting.

This is because of what Danny's used to, and will prepare for. Flashy ghost--er, rogue--with a theme taking over huge stretches of the city and putting people in mortal danger? Yeah, that's a Tuesday thing. And, hey! These rogues are stuck in the living plane, which makes their movements super easy to track for Danny! So he can send Bruce, Dick, and Tim to a gala with a few gadgets that are exactly what they need for Riddler's BS that night, no problem. Someone pretending to be a friend/ally just to get in that perfect position to stab someone in the back? Yeah, that happened pretty much every Friday, Saturday, and other days ending with the letter "Y." Danny may still hate Vlad, but he learned some important lessons from the guy, so he noticed the odd way the "intern" didn't fit in and prepared accordingly.

But Danny has never needed to find someone's secret identity. Every one of his rogues that has one outed themselves, usually in the first few days of meeting them. He's never had to look, never had to figure it out, so he legitimately sees this as him protecting his completely normal, death touched family.

Oh, hey Cass! Look at this thing I made! It decreases your gravity so you can jump higher in your production, and temporarily increases the strength of your skin, so don't worry if that understudy tries to push you down the stairs, I've got it covered!

Vampire Misunderstanding

So! Danny got adopted by Bruce Wayne, but he doesn't know that Bruce is the Batman. He is just supernaturally oblivious to all things Batman related going on in the House.

But he does notice that Bruce leaves home a lot at night, that he doesn't like to go out in the day and often has his parties at night, and once or twice he's caught Bruce with a bit if blood still splattered on his cheek.

So he comes to the only plausible conclusion. Bruce is a Vampire.

He starts trying to hint at the fact that he knows, but doesn't want to just go out and say it. What if Bruce reacts negatively to him knowing? He's dealt with enough Supernatural Beings to know that they don't like other people (and especially other supernatural beings) intruding on their lives.

So Danny decided to subtly hint at it.

He started asking questions like "So hypothetically, how would you deal with having a Garlic Allergy in Gotham?" Or "So if you had very sensitive skin that could sunburn extremely easily, how much cloud cover would you need to go outside?" And "So what's your opinion on a High-Iron Diet?"

Basically just tossing out questions and trying to Guage Bruce's reaction.

He thinks he's doing a good job!

...

Bruce is certain that he has adopted a Vampire.

Danny is a good kid, but he has a few oddities that are hard to ignore.

For one, his skin is constantly Ice Cold, but he never seens to be bothered by it. As if he was an Undead that didn't require Body Heat anymore.

He also seems to like Hanging out in the Graveyard outside, and when asked about it he says that he is comforted by the place. Just like the Vampires he has met in the past, who feel comfortable when surrounded by Death.

And of course the biggest reason for suspicion is the fact that Danny seems to be hinting at it to him.

He keeps asking stuff like "How would you deal with a Garlic Allergy in Gotham?", probably trying to hint that he is a Vampire who can't eat Garlic, or asking about easy to sunburn skin, saying that he is probably not a Daywalker.

Bruce hopes Danny will just come clean about it soon, he doesn't want to intrude upon the kid when he is so obviously nervous about how he will react.

If Vlad appears Danny freaks out. Both because he’s Vlad and because he’s worried Bruce might get territorial over what seems like another vampire. Or maybe he thinks Vlad has no chance as he will know not to mess with a vampire on his territory. So Danny acts outright hostile. Bruce though? He sees this guy who is clearly a vampire and how Danny reacts to him, practically hissing like a (feral badger) vampire. And thinks this must be an enemy vampire. Possibly a danger to his new son.

Okay, but what if Bruce overhears/sees Vlad and Danny bickering.

Vlad claimed that Danny would be better off with him cause they're the same. Showing off his fangs and red eyes.

Clearly, Vlad Masters turned Danny and had come to reclaim him.

The Green Lanterns have found an anomaly in space uncomfortably close to Earth. A floating green wormhole, that does not follow the rules that wormholes are supposed to follow.

In fact, it seems to be fine to get close to. It does not distort any time or space near it; it's literally like someone had just poked a hole through the universe, and they can just step into it.

They opt to use an exploratory space shuttle.

Naturally, certain Earth Leaders want to send representatives to go up in that shuttle.

Green Lantern Corp tries to push back, they really do, but humans are stubborn.

They get their exploratory astronauts.

Hal Jordan manages to get chosen for America; his experience in the military and having Batman pull the strings was a huge part of that.

The first hint that something was wrong was when they went through the portal and it was just a sea of green full of doors.

Second was when it looks like they would hit something, they just went through it.

Third was that the portal closed behind them.

Fourth, there's...something circling their craft, tapping on the walls and doors. It talks to them in the voice of a young boy, and keeps asking to be let in.

a toddler who was being saved by the red hood called him "mama" once and now crime alley kids will refer to him as mama all. the. time.

I low-key love the fact that sci-fi has so conditioned us to expect to be hanging out with a bunch of cool space aliens, that legitimate, actual scientists keep proposing the most bizarre, three-blunts-into-the-rotation "theories" to explain the fact we're not.

Some of my favourites include:

Zoo Theory: What if there are loads of aliens out there, but they're not talking to us because of the Prime Directive from Star Trek? (Or because they're doing experiments on us???)

Dark Forest Theory: What if there are loads of aliens out there, but they all hate us and each other so they're all just waiting with a shotgun pointed at the door, ready to open fire on anything that moves?

Planetarium Theory: What if there's at least one alien with mastery over light and matter that's just making it seem to us that the universe is empty to us as, like, a joke?

Berserker Theory: What if there were loads of aliens, but one of them made infinite killer robots that murdered everyone and are coming for us next?!!

Like, the universe is at least 13,700,000,000 years old and 46,000,000,000 light years big. We have had the ability to transmit and receive signals for, what, 100 years, and our signals have so far travelled 200 light years?

The fact is biological life almost certainly has, does, or will develop elsewhere in the universe, and it's not impossible that a tiny amount of it has, does, or will develop in a way that we would understand as "intelligent". But, like, we're realistically never going to know because of the scale of the things involved.

So I'm proposing my own hypothesis. I call it the "Fool in a Field" hypothesis. It goes like this:

Humanity is a guy standing in the middle of a field at midnight. It's pitch black, he can't move, and he's been standing there for ages. He's just had the thought to swing his arms. He swings one of his arms, once, and does not hit another person. "Oh no!" He says. "Robots have killed them all!"

why are you so boyfriends

where do you think the wattpad fanfic writers got it from

Another egregious example

this is insane girl what is this from. who wrote this

this was IN THE GUARDIAN

christ. what is it about these men that makes people, PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE, lose their minds and start talking like 13 year old girls on wattpad