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Further Meanderings of Merinda

@merindab / merindab.tumblr.com

Hi, I'm Merinda, Janto321 on AO3.
She/her, in my 40s.
See my pinned post for a link to my fic and my book.
I've got Inattentive ADHD and Depression and happily talk about them.
My current primary fandoms are Critical Role, BBC Sherlock, Doctor Who and Good Omens .
But sometimes I just reblog cats.
If you'd like to support my writing:
Fic Commissions are currently open
Diana Wallpaper by YaleStewart

Pinned

I guess I should make a post to pin.

Hi, I’m Merinda. My biggest fandom right now is Ctitical Role, but I’m also still hanging in Doctor Who, Good Omens and Sherlock.

I have a book out, called Timepiece. It’s a gay WWI romance.

I have a ton of fanfic, mostly under Janto321. There’s so much I made a table of contents which you find here. That also has links to some cowrites and things.

I’m still hanging out on Twitter until it dies, and I’m merindab over there too.

I’m ADHD as hell and frequently tweet and talk about it and I’m always here if someone needs to chat about it.

I’ve also got two cats. Sherlock and Mycroft (They’re sisters)

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Ludinus Da'leth, the ultimate villain of everything we've seen from Exandria so far, in a meeting with Essek: "you're a bitch, caring about people"

Essek Thelyss, who learned about the power of friendship Yesterday: "and you're a friendless loser"

Ludinus, seven years later, having successfully manipulated multiple Extremely Powerful People into becoming generals in the Ruby Vanguard, spotting Essek in a crowd: "who has friends now, bitch?"

““These guys are just weird, that’s what they are. It isn’t much else. Don’t give them the power. Look, are they a threat to democracy? Yes. Are they going to take our rights away? Yes. Are they going to put people’s lives in danger? Yes. Are they going to endanger the planet by not dealing with climate change? Yes. They are going to do all that. But don’t lift these guys up as if they’re some kind of hero. A bully has no self-confidence, a bully has no strength. The fascists depend on fear. The fascists depend on us going back. But we’re not afraid of weird people. We’re a little bit creeped out but we’re not afraid.””
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I'm thinking about the Matron of Ravens one day telling her champion, her first and most trusted ally since ascending to godhood, that she's going to leave him for some time.

I'm thinking about Purvan Suul, months or years later, following a raven until he arrived in front of a hovel. Inside it, there was a family. A mother. A father. A young girl with dark hair and green eyes, swaddled in blankets.

I'm thinking about Emhira's parents, not understanding why this stranger decided to take care of them but being infinitely grateful for this blessing - a skilled ranger bringing food and helping find shelter whenever their family had to move was more than anyone could hope for in times like these.

I'm thinking about Emhira, still young and mostly human, growing up looking up to this man who was so close with her he could have been her second father. Begging him to take her hunting, to teach her how to make and repair arrows. Playing with his wolf who was always so very gentle with her. Learning about Fate and Death and Gods.

I'm thinking about Purvan, patient as death, answering all of Emhira's questions but never pushing her in any direction, even when he saw her talking to ravens or idly drawing in sand symbols no one had ever showed her.

I'm thinking about Purvan and how, one day, this girl who was his god who was a little and vulnerable thing he had protected for the past decade and half, finally remembered. How she smiled at him in just the right way or placed a hand on his cheek with this look in her eyes and he knew. And he fell to his knees, heart bursting with prayer and joy and relief and said: "My Lady, welcome back."

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online friends

“my friend the electrical engineer,” i say, or of someone else: “my friend the Canadian,” “my friend in Denver.” and i am down south, states and miles away.

“how did you meet?” they ask, puzzled by how far-flung my friendships. “the internet,” i say, a little proud, a little defensive because the next words are inevitable.

they always ask with a mix of amusement and horror. always. “have you met in person? no? how can you be sure it’s not an old pervert in his mother’s basement, a serial killer on the prowl?”

how can we be sure of anyone? the man who married a pastor’s daughter, then shot his pregnant wife in the back of the head–they thought they knew him. but these anonymous souls: they’re my friends.

we talk of books and ideas, family and differences in where we live and why we do what we do, and trade stupid jokes like candy, sweet and inclusive and joyful. my friends. my soul friends, who i meet on the internet.

friendships are not born of handshakes. they’re born of shared things and shared interests and sometimes just because you’re human and i’m human, and that praise God is enough. even over the internet, that is enough.

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Taliesin's closing remarks:

"Friends, colleagues, precious audience, they say that art is as close to immortality as most could ever hope to achieve. And therefore, it is always covered by the powerful, and it is prescious beyond measure to the creators who would see their visions realized.

"Tonight, our Circle of the Silver Screen have reminded us of a vicious truth: Art demands sacrifice. And all that raw material has to come from somewhere."

Taliesin's remarks feel in dialogue with Ursula K. Le Guin's famous remarks in her 2014 acceptance speech of the National Book Foundation Medal for Distinguished Contribution to American Letters:

"Yet I see sales departments given control over editorial. I see my own publishers, in a silly panic of ignorance and greed, charging public libraries for an e-book 6 or 7 times more than they charge customers. We just saw a profiteer try to punish a publisher for disobedience, and writers threatened by corporate fatwa. And I see a lot of us, the producers, who write the books and make the books, accepting this — letting commodity profiteers sell us like deodorant, and tell us what to publish, what to write.
Books aren’t just commodities; the profit motive is often in conflict with the aims of art. We live in capitalism, its power seems inescapable — but then, so did the divine right of kings. Any human power can be resisted and changed by human beings. Resistance and change often begin in art. Very often in our art, the art of words."

(You should read or watch the whole speech. It's short, but earthshaking.)

Taliesin's words are the horror genre warning of the same conflict in the related artistic industry of Hollywood. An industry that birthed him, that is a multigenerational legacy for him, and also nearly broke him as a teenager. Until he found a niche in it voice acting. And then this weird world of professional TTRPGs found him through the act of creating with his friends.

Critical Roller found its start at formerly independent studio Geek & Sundry, recently sold to corporate media behemoth Legendary Entertainment. Who were devoured in turn by Chinese conglomerate Wanda Group. These corporations funded them and let them experiment and grow, waiting to see how productive the cash crop would yield after a few years of cultivation. They developed what Critical Role could be with D&D.

Marisha (producer, creative director of G&S), Matt (actor), Taliesin (actor), and Ivan Van Norman (Game Master) were all part of Sagas of Sundry: Dead of the newly launched Alpha platform. Here they tried costumes and sets and an indie horror TTRPG that focused more on intense expressive roleplay with key key moments of luck and ability decided by the mechanics. Directly after filming Taliesin remarked that it felt like a new form of commedia dell'arte. This was the golden age of Geek & Sundry where the possibilities of the medium seemed only add limited as the imagination.

The follow-up was Sagas of Sundry: Madness. Marisha was the creative director, producer, and one of the players (and had to trust her team to handle certain things she was not allowed to have meta-knowledge of; Ivan Van Norman was the Game Master; and Liam was another player. They pushed the format even father with a set that was part stage, part escape room. They gave incredible and intense performances. It had a great reception. It felt very avant garde.

And then it all unraveled. Legendary pulled the plug on Alpha. Critical Role had been VERY careful with their IP, and managed to break off into their own independent company. A huge and terrifying leap into the unknown to save their creation that was prescious beyond measure to them, and discardable to the powerful. Geek & Sundry didn't survive the summer. A footnote in corporate bookkeeping. SoS: Dread eventually made it's way onto YouTube. SoS: Madness did not (legally), and it only survives through piracy.

And so now here they are, years later, nurturing their creation themselves. Probably not growing fast enough for VC tech bros, but enough to have their production studio, two animated series, a game publishing press, a music label, a charity, comics, books, and now their own streaming platform where no one can shut it down or demonatize it but them. There was plenty of money to make so much art and support so many other artists when corporate interests weren't talking a cut.

They sold out both Wembley Stadium in London and the The United Theater on Broadway in LA. The United Theater opened in 1927 as the flagship theater of United Artists. United Artists was founded in 1919 by like-minded silent film Hollywood creators who were already fed up with the predatory treatment of corporate studios. They wanted a studio where they could own their own work. It was famous worker's rebellion for their own rights under their own control.

But eventually legal trouble and poorly revived pictures sank United Artists and the corporate machine devoured it. Today it exists only in-name-only under Amazon. A legend about the artists that tried to escape the Hollywood machine that eats people. Each new generation improving on the Torment Nexus based on the warnings of the storytellers ahead of them pleading for it to stop. Calm capitalists who think they're helping revolutionize the world and a few measly lives is a reasonable price too pay for progress. After all, it's not usually their lives they're sacrificing; it's just artists.

In a 2017 episode of the Dungeon Life documentary by Todd Kenreck—that is also now lost media—Taliesin said, "I live in LA where we are—it's a city made of aspirations. And some of them are designed to be eaten by others so they can maintain their youth. And some are designed to blossom into beautiful creatures. There's tons of aspirations. But this is a wonderful—I'm so proud of this and pleased with this."

Nearly seven years later, Critical Role is still an aspiration blooming into a beautiful creature. Saved from the jaws of a malevolent entity that tried to eat them to maintain its youth. Their own acting partners in their own company playing their own game to their own music on front of their own audience on their own platform (as well as Google's and Amazon's). Telling a story about the town that eats people in the preserved remnants of one of its victims while trying to not be another.

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A classification of Candela Obscura series

As a liveplay, the different Candela Obscura series are interesting, because the Vibe changes every time with the different group setup. So if you're not sure where to start, here is my totally unscientific classification:

Series one: The Vassal and the Veil

The introductory one. Look at this new type of game we have! It is turn of the century inspired so there's street urchins and madams and prim ladies and weird professors, the kind of characters you find in a Dickens novel. Also it's narrated by Matt so Much Body Horror ensues. It's spooky and sad and American Gothic but weirdly, probably the lightest series of the four out now.

Series two: Needle and Thread

The PTSD edition. Now that you know the setting, let's dump a bunch of trauma in it! What is the value of a life? Of a soul? What is it that makes us human? How do fight you supernatural phenomena while still haunted by the ghosts of your past self? Your past life? This one has some of the better action sequences of all the Candela series. The vibe is Lovecraft meets Rambo and I will not elaborate on this.

Series three: Tide and Bone

In which Aabria turns the dial to eleven. There's body horror, there's monster fucking, there's that thing Sam does where he fucks you up with his character's backstory. The world is an unjust place even without all the supernatural horrors and capitalism is going to get all of us killed. The vibe here is a little bit more Dark Horse comics, because the characters themselves are Weirder and less grounded than in the other series.

Series four: The Crimson Mirror

In which Liam tries to murder the characters. As a dm, he has been given a Large Set of Knives with which to stab his characters but he's still just constantly swinging at them with a giant mallet also. This one is High Drama with lots of flashbacks and grappling with how to reassemble a life that has been torn to shreds. Heavy Edgar Allen Poe vibes. This one has some of my favourit acting in the series.

look man. look

essek saying "bren" out loud, claiming a position on caleb's side as the mouthpiece of his regards to astrid, did something to me. i can't tell if it opened a wound or punched me or gave me a hug. all i know is that i am feeling so many emotions right now

more under the cut because i'm about to get rambly:

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critical role said "THE BELLS HELLS AND THE CROWN KEEPERS ARE INTERTWINED AND SO IS VOX MACHINA AND SO IS THE MIGHTY NEIN AND SO IS THE RING OF BRASS AGES AGO AND WE ARE ALL SO SMALL IN THE FACE OF THE GODS AND ARCHMAGES AND THE COSMOS EVEN LARGER. BUT FOR THAT, WE ARE MIGHTY"

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I finished my rewatch/relisten of the Vox Machina campaign in mid-December (although I recently re-embarked on the second half of the Chroma Conclave arc hoping season 3 of TLVOM will be announced (released?? 🤞) by the time I reach "A Bard's Lament"). Predictably, I bawled, AGAIN, but by then I'd already been scribbling and sketching ideas for this for... a couple of weeks? Hence the little WIP preview last month.

I'll never shut up about this moment. It's just as beautiful as it's heartbreaking, in- and off-game, especially taking into account all the context of characters/people involved.

Also, bonus, because after I finished sketching that 6th frame I thought a hug was needed.

"You broke my heart." and all of ours as well 💔

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“Ladies should be seen and not heard,” and she is there, just behind the speaker, a smile on her lips and mischief in her eyes.

“Silence is a virtue,” and she is there, pulling faces, fingers in her ears and tongue peeking out to brush her chin, a gleeful obscenity.

“Loose lips sink ships,” and she is there, a cutlass in her hand, ready to sail for the Spanish Main at dawn, the colors already hoisted in her heart.

She doesn’t have a lot to say, but she allows others to speak for her with giddy willingness, bending their pious proverbs to her own ends.  She finds her strength and her divinity in the space between the silence and the sigh, the blossoming room where she can undermine her own ideals and make of silence something screaming.

Ladies should be seen and not heard?  Fine, then, she will make of their precious ladies a spectacle too grand to be ignored.  She will make sure they can be seen from space.  Silence is a virtue?  Then silence enough should make them virtuous; they need not a single virtue more.  Loose lips sink ships?  Then she will build a graveyard all her own, schooners and galleons at the bottom of the sea.

Do not tempt the quiet ones, for their vengeance will be swift and unrelenting.  But she smiles and smiles and sips her tea, and the ones who worship her—either willingly or because they have no given choice—understand that her wrath, when it descends, will be unending.  And they love her for it.  Oh, how they love her.

They do not sing her praises.  Instead, they hold them close and quiet in their hearts, and she is theirs, and they are hers, and all those who fail to understand their bonds will one day see them in the screaming silence of the dawn.

You know which Campaign 2 fight is great and doesn’t get enough love? The battle against Lucien’s ticket-taker elemental at the Immensus Gate. This fight has everything. Everything.

It has character beats! Essek choosing to cast Fly on Caduceus rather than himself. Caduceus immediately picking Essek up and carrying him. Fjord getting another ‘being the captain’ moment when he chooses to retreat through the gate rather than stay to help Jester, Essek and Cad because he knows he’s becoming a liability. Cad fucking glaring at Essek as if to warn him ‘do not even consider suggesting that we leave you behind’ when he’s trapped by the water elemental.

It has absolute chaotic nonsense. ‘You SHEEPSHIFTED?’ The water titties. ‘Yessek!’ Tiny Veth. ‘And I will throw buttons at it and say, ‘BUTTONS!’ Caleb using a seventh-level spell to travel like twenty feet. ‘Veth’s really far away!’ ‘Now we come to Caleb. You are a sheep. Fjord, your turn.’ The table’s horrified glee when Liam announces he’s walking into the portal as a sheep. ‘Just you and me, titties!’ Liam looking up a sheep’s intelligence: ‘Yup, intelligence 2! Baaaa-ye!’

It has strategic masterpieces! Veth casting Mage Hand in advance to close the portal as soon as Jester makes it through. Jester using her duplicate to absorb hits. Essek’s clutch Misty Step. Caduceus going invisible to avoid an attack of opportunity at a crucial moment. Everyone coming up with creative ways to cross the difficult terrain (Fly, Expeditious Retreat, fucking Teleport)

And look, I’m biased because of my love of the Nein’s a-spec duo, but that moment where Matt rolls for Essek to maintain his concentration on Caduceus’s Fly spell, and it works? Right after Caduceus refused to leave Essek behind, right after Essek was shown that his friends will fight for him? Poetic cinema. The dice supporting the narrative. A-spec solidarity. 100/10, would recommend.

Anyway this is my Mighty Nein comfort battle and I will watch it again and again. Tittie ticket taker fight my beloved.

The Mighty Nein; On Hope.

@/mumblesplash // “Episode 76: Refjorged” - Laura Bailey, Liam O’Brien, Taliesin Jaffe, and Travis Willingham // “Episode 46: A Storm of Memories” - Marisha Ray // “Mighty Nein Reunited: Uk’otoa Unleashed” - Liam O’Brien // “Episode 120: Contentious Company” - Matthew Mercer // “Episode 93: Misery Loves Company” - Laura Bailey // “Episode 112: The Chase Begins” - Matthew Mercer and Travis Willingham // “Episode 30: The Journey Home” - Sam Riegel // “Mighty Nein Animated Intro - Your Turn To Roll” - Kamille Areopagita and Kevin Areopagita // “Episode 94: With Great Power…” - Taliesin Jaffe // “Episode 69: The King’s Cage” - Matthew Mercer and Travis Willingham // “Episode 86: The Cathedral” - Taliesin Jaffe // “Episode 140: Long May He Reign” - Laura Bailey and Matthew Mercer // “Episode 97: The Fancy and the Fooled” - Liam O’Brien // “Long May He Reign” - Laura Bailey // “Episode 141: Fond Farewells” - Laura Bailey and Taliesin Jaffe // “Episode 131: Into the Eye” - Ashley Johnson // “Fond Farewells” - Matthew Mercer // “Long May He Reign” - Taliesin Jaffe
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