Chin up, Buttercup

wildflowers joy

by Denny Bitte

imagine if the oceans were replaced by forests and if you went into the forest the trees would get taller the deeper you went and there’d be thousands of undiscovered species and you could effectively walk across the ocean but the deeper you went, the darker it would be and the animals would get progressively scarier and more dangerous and instead of whales there’d be giant deer and just wow

you have a beautiful imagination

It is an unspoken rule that if a little kid is hiding under a blanket or couch cushions, you are required to comment on how lumpy the blanket is and pretend to sit on it to try and “smooth it out.”

Also, if you’re playing hide-and-seek with them, it is critical that you search every other possible (and impossible) hiding spot, all the while wondering out loud how they managed to disappear just like magic, before walking right past their hiding spot.

And if a baby starts playing peekaboo you are required to act surprised when they show their face again

If a kid hands you a phone, you answer it

If a kid shoots you with a Nerf Gun you are supposed to Die a dramatic death and explain “ugh you shot me blaahh”

when you push a kid on the swings ya gotta do the woosh

I literally just blocked about a dozen people on this post for being cranky about children.

Being a joyless shitbeast to kids isn’t cool. They’re kids. If you want to be Oscar the Grouch, that’s fine, but do it in a way they understand and explain it to them.

“I don’t want to play, I’m grumpy. Thank you, though, that was kind.”

It’s literally not hard. Kids are small people. Treat them with common fucking decency.

“AHkhwoo”

WHAT

Leave him alone he is perfect!

I think my favourite thing about Zombies, Run! is that I can almost unerringly guess future plot points by thinking “what would upset me, personally, the most?”

clearance that isn’t under like $15 is an abomination and doesn’t have the right to even call itself clearance

Sitting at my airport terminal (for the next hour, mind you), and the men next to me are talking about lawns. How it’s the “largest crop”, and has “the biggest environmental impact”.

SOS

Update: There is an older woman with them. She just called and left a voicemail for her grandson. Began it with “Hi Jacob, this is Grandma”, and ended it with “Give me a call back. Love, Grandma”

Update 2:

Lawn Man is now talking about how when he was in 8th grade (1963 he says), he wrote a 30-page paper on the Civil War, using just information he found in newspapers, and the school called an assembly for him to read it to everyone.

I never want to leave this terminal.

Sitting at my airport terminal (for the next hour, mind you), and the men next to me are talking about lawns. How it’s the “largest crop”, and has “the biggest environmental impact”.

SOS

Update: There is an older woman with them. She just called and left a voicemail for her grandson. Began it with "Hi Jacob, this is Grandma", and ended it with "Give me a call back. Love, Grandma"

I don’t care why, this is hysterical.

This is the best kind of prank.

No scares, no injury, no property damage, just confuse the hell out of someone.