11 months later and i’m still adjusting. i suspect it’ll take a while, possibly years

my autonomy has been so important to me for as long as i’ve been alive. becoming a mother and a wife, being anchored by two people who need me in different ways everyday has been shocking and has been a struggle. it does get easier everyday though

motherhood and long term partnership is not to be taken lightly and is not for the faint of heart

right now i’m trying to rediscover parts of myself especially my creativity and find balance in this new phase of my life

i’ve missed being here. thank you

thank you :)

my partner and i went back and forth during the entirety of my pregnancy about what we should name her

we didn’t officially name her until she was two days old, out of the NICU, and i was finally able to see her with my own eyes and hold her

she looked and felt like a Mayowa

Mayowa means one who brings joy and that’s what she is to us

we wanted something that was soft and feminine but strong and meaningful to us

a lot easier than i thought it would be!

i was woken up early that morning by pain that felt like period cramps. that’s what it felt like until i was a few cm dilated and was walking into the hospital. i was able to tolerate it medicine free until i was 5 or 6 cm dilated. that’s when i agreed to get an epidural

the idea of getting an epidural put in was a lot scarier than actually getting it put in. once it was in and they released that first dose of medication, i was feeling great. i didn’t feel anything but a bit of pressure and that’s how it felt pushing her out ^_^

it was surreal finally seeing her when she was born. i was in a daze for days just staring at her in disbelief. it’s still crazy to me knowing that i made her. she was nothing 9 months ago and i made a fully formed human being with thoughts and feelings. wtf

i have been stressed and on edge 😵‍💫

but the birth was relatively easy and calm. i’m very happy to not be pregnant anymore and to have her safe in my arms where she belongs

my perfect, prefect baby Mayowa who’s brought me so much joy i could cry rn 🥹

it’s sweet that you’re excited but why are you anonymous? unless you know me irl, you’re not meeting them

i won’t even be posting photos of the babys face here. i’m sorry but tumblr is crazyyyy 😵‍💫

yes! people were so generous. what a load off of our shoulders. so so grateful

anxious now because i’m having this baby in less than two weeks. i’m utterly terrified of labor and delivery. and postpartum. and then like, raising a good well-rounded human. and then being a parent for the rest of my life

i’ll be a great mom but it’s a huge responsibility. i don’t take this lightly at all

etsy and flea markets!

honestly i’m a mess right now

i’ve never been more stressed in my entire life as i have been during this pregnancy and it’s not because im pregnant. pregnancy hasn’t been easy but it’s been coincidental that a lot of life stuff has happened simultaneously

total madness

i’m sorry you’re also not feeling well :(

30 is just like 29 don’t worry about it too much

if you don’t already, start eating lots more fresh fruits and veggies. get into exercising. doesn’t need to be crazy but make it a point to break a sweat everyday. i’ve taken my youthful metabolism for granted and i’m paying the price. especially now that i’m pregnant

my ex got my dog Lux in the breakup. i miss her soooo much it’s crazy. and yes Savannah is still around. she’s my sisters cat and lives with her. i see her often

i’ll answer this privately if you ask me again. off anon