Technically true.

He got the job.

He takes his job seriously.

society if comics remembered that despite their stupid hero/villain dichotomy literally every superhero is 100% a criminal... like. they don’t have permission to do the shit they do.

every time a superhero tries to pull moral high ground above ANYONE using law or legality or any law enforcement agency i get so mad like SO mad. realistically there is nothing separating you from these people on a legal standpoint. you HAVE to recognize that crime is a social construct (but hurting people—and helping them—is not) in order to be a compelling superhero writer IMO. instead they write weird shit like “if you have an FBI file on you you’re a bad person” as if any well known LITERAL VIGILANTE wouldn’t realistically have their own FBI file a mile long

“im better than you because i’m not a criminal” CRINGE. YOU LITERALLY ARE. “i’m not inherently better than you and you’re not inherently worse than me. you choose to hurt people, though, and i choose to help them” im kissing you on the mouth

Are you fucking kidding me?  You know how this would actually go?

Commissioner Gordon: *slaps roof* You know how much overtime I don’t have to pay on account of this bad boy?

Internal Affairs Investigator: Yeah, but still–

Commissioner Gordon: I just turn it on, and instead of paying a whole precinct time-and-a-half to never see their families, a guy dressed as a bat punches whoever we’re looking for a bunch of times and dumps them in the parking lot.

Internal Affairs Investigator: That’s not–

Commissioner Gordon: Sometimes I fire it up just to see who we get.  It’s like having a cat that brings you guys with twenty warrants out for their arrest instead of dead birds.

Internal Affairs Investigator: Okay, but you can’t tell people that.  Like, we can’t say it out loud.

Commissioner Gordon: So I shouldn’t have told the FBI they could borrow it if they ever feel like clearing their most-wanted list?

if a werewolf dies but they were an organ donor does someone get a new kidney that turns into a wolf kidney once a month

imagine having a feeling of pure bloodlust radiate from one side of your mid-back approximately every 28 days

I don’t need to imagine

idea: scene with two characters eagerly stripping each other clearly about to bone, but they keep getting interrupted by finding carefully concealed weapons in each other’s clothing, so they keep just unholstering, revealing and unstrapping increasingly ludicrous amounts of hidden guns and knives as the clothes come off, and it’s lowkey killing the mood a little

Alternatively: it's not killing the mood at all but it's totally making both of them giggle like they're twelve and possibly get lowkey competitive in a subconscious way about who has the most to drop.

The more that I think of it the more I'm seeing the incredible intimacy of letting someone know where you keep your backup knife.

Like my god, the trust involved in letting someone undress you and learn your secrets instead of popping into the bathroom to change where they can't see and hiding all your weapons under the sink

...Oh

second alternative: you go to hide all your weapons under the sink but there’s already a bunch of weapons hidden underneath the sink.

awkward

It’s not that there’s already a bunch of weapons hidden underneath the sink that makes it awkward so much as that there’s so many weapons hidden underneath the sink that they fall out of the cabinet with the unmistakable sound of a knife-alanche, and then the other person comes in like “I can explain!” and you’re just dead-ass standing there with your own armload of weapons like “I can also explain.”

every western movie ever made: The wild west is dying. theres no more room left for cowboys anymore…

me everytime: :(

every samurai movie ever made (both edo and bakamatsu periods): The bushido code is dying. there no more room left for samurai anymore…

me everytime: :(

A lot of westerns are remakes of samurai movies

those samurai movies were very often heavily inspired by 50′s and 40′s westerns

Cowboys and samurai are brothers separated by time and space.

Best duo.

I’ve got y’alls new favorite art piece right here.

According to Google, Samurai were abolished in 1868.

This means that at the same time that cowboys were reaching their end, so too were samurai.

Cowboys and Samurai were separated not by time, only space.

I’ve got something else to add to this: there’s also an extremely specific species of mushroom that can only be found in Texas and Japan. I’m serious.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chorioactis

The most ambitious crossover

Fantasy setting but it’s just Texas and Japan together at last

Texas and Japan are soulmates.

Clearly none of you have seen Shanghai noon and it shows

supervillains fucking hate fighting the x-men because the teams change constantly and sometimes there are??? totally new people there???? fuck there’s a teenager who literally just has eyes all over his body. is he even technically a superhero yet or is he a student. who the fuck knows. how do we counter this shit

When one seems completely non-mutated and they’re like

@melazertyiop

And no matter which team it is, Wolverine is there. Is it the future? Wolverine is there. Is it an alternate reality? Wolverine is there. Is Wolverine dead? Wolverine is there.

Was Wolverine never born in this alternate reality? Wolverine is there.

Does Wolverine only exist as a non corporeal spirit? Wolverine is there.

Is Wolverine only a philosophical construct used to explain our place in an uncaring universe? Wolverine is there.

Is Wolverine only a theological concept used to explain mankind’s struggle against the universe? Wolverine is there.

Is Wolverine there? Another Wolverine is also there.

And let’s not forget when the villains just switch sides. Last week this guy was on your side now he’s next to Wolverine and kicking your ass. 

The only constant is Wolverine.

There are three constants in life: death, taxes, and Wolverine.

on another note, watched The Mummy (1999) the other day and I couldn’t help  feel like the O’Connells and the Addams (Addams Family Values (1993) would get on really well ya know? The O’Connells are basically the pastel adventure version of the Addams, surely they would just be vibin’ over tea and crumpets in an extremely haunted mansion having a ball of a time

Morticia: “So what is it you do for a living my dear?”

Evelyn: “We dig up dead people who often have monstrous curses placed on them!”

Morticia: “fascinating”

Gomez: *leaping out from behind a pillar which is encrusted with ominous looking runes* en garde!

Rick: *grabs sword from equally ominous looking wall full of weapons one of which seems to be glowing* fantastic I was getting a bit rusty

Gomez: *nearly in tears* oh he’s screaming nonsensically, what spirit! what reslove!

*Rick and Gomez, still frantically sword fighting*

Rick: Have I mentioned how wonderful my wife is yet, I really feel like I haven’t really expanded enough on how wonderful she is

Gomez: do go on, I would be delighted to hear about how wonderful your wife is, I strongly encourge all men to extoll the virtues of their wives with rapturous praise, however I should perhaps mention my wife is in fact better

*sword fighting intensifies as both men rapturously extoll the virtues of their wives*

Jonathan and Fester and Cousin Itt watch from the bar, where Lurch and Thing are making the drinks.

Jonathan and Thing knew one another from The War; each thought the other to be dead

Their reunion is highly emotional

Queer Muslims are beautiful and deserve respect. Queer Muslims are valuable to the LGBTQA+ community.

When writing always remember… a character flaw is only a flaw until becomes useful. 

Is your protagonist manipulative? Well that’s awful… until they manipulate the antagonist into making a decision that saves the lives of their friends. 

Is your protagonist a skeptic? Well that’s not good… until someone tries to lie to them. 

Is your protagonist overprotective? That sucks… until someone they love is in danger. 

Is your protagonist remorseless? Well that makes them pretty unlikeable… until a hard decision has to be made. 

The flipside is also true!

Your protagonist is honest? That’s good… until their survival depends on them being able to lie convincingly.

Your protagonist is brave? That’s good… until they foolishly run headlong into danger without a thought for the consequences.

Your protagonist is forgiving and able to see good in everyone? That’s good… until they continually forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it, and get taken advantage of because they can’t fathom that some people just suck.

Your protagonist is funny? That’s good… until they piss off everyone around them because they don’t seem to be taking the situation seriously, and they keep avoiding dealing with their problems by hiding behind humor.

Most personality traits aren’t inherently good or bad. It’s all about context, and how far they go.

me hanging out with black people in the summer: “aye, yall don’t forget to put on sunscreen”

them: 

@flipflibberinflippinghell

Use the Walgreens Brand which is pretty cheap and it does wonders and doesn’t leave me with a white cast. And I’m dark as hell so I hate looking ashy but not all sunscreens are made equally and it’s one of the better ones I’ve used.

Wait cocoa/shea butter and coconut oil don’t protect you from the sun we really do need sunscreen??

Yea fam. All that “we don’t need sunscreen” shit is a myth. Combine that with the fact that most dermatologists don’t know how to spot skin cancer in Black people and it’s a nasty combination.

Yeah, it’s harder for us to get it but when we do it’s deadly. I know two people who died of skin cancer, both were Black.

“While incidence of melanoma is higher in the Caucasian population, a July 2016 study in the Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology showed it is more deadly in people of color. African American patients were most likely to be diagnosed with melanoma in its later stages than any other group in the study, and they also had the worst prognosis and the lowest overall survival rate.”

- https://www.skincancer.org/prevention/skin-cancer-and-skin-of-color

Sorry about the link, I’m on mobile. But this is from August 2016, which I know isn’t the most recent but it’s still SUPER IMPORTANT. Y’all please wear sunscreen. With Google it’s even easy to find smaller, Black-owned brands.

https://blackgirlsunscreen.com/ is Black-owned!

I use this sunscreen from Walmart. It’s cheap, doesn’t leave a white cast, and smells pretty good.

Duuuude my family uses that and it’s Soo nice it even smells good

Same for brown people, are skin may be dark but we do burn!

Korean and Japanese sunscreens are also a great option for deeper skin tones! Their formulas are way more sophisticated that most US sunscreens, don’t feel greasy, and most don’t leave a white cast. Biore Aqua watery essence and Purito Centella green level sunscreen are especially nice and not crazy expensive

this. Is everything.

Please.

Black folks can definitely get sunburned, and I have seen some bad cases.

Find a sunblock that works for you and use it. Please.

Blaming Todd Howard for absolutely everything that goes wrong in Bethesda games has become such a habitual behaviour for me that I feel like it’s gonna bleed into my real life interactions. 

Watch me walk over to receive my degree, trip on the carpet, and just lay there in my graduation cap and gown saying “Why would you do this, Todd?”

Todd Howard is an alum from my college and he comes to give guest talks sometimes, neither of which I knew my freshman year when I dropped my bag on the way to class, joked “I see we left clipping on, Todd Howard” to my friends, and was met with a very exasperated sigh from behind me and Actual Todd Howard says “Is this what we’re doing now?”

Friendly reminder that the reason you feel so much better is because of your meds, don’t stop taking them unless you talk to your doctor first, you really do need them, I promise. 

Around June I stopped taking my eye medication because I hadn’t had a problem with my eyes in months. I got really lazy about doing it; then I stopped them altogether.

Turns out, the reason I stopped having problems with my eyes was because I was religiously taking my medication. Whodathunk. Now I have to work to get back to the place I was before I decided I was “better” (I wasn’t!).

If you thought this post was just about anti-depressants or lithium, it could be! For me, this post is about eyedrops, for you it might be about antibiotics, or it might be about zoloft. Whatever it is, please consider talking to your doctor before making a sudden shift to stop taking it. It’s not bad to be on medication. It’s not bad to need it. 

…and on a related note, do not let anyone tell you that because you start feeling worse if you don’t take your medication, that means you’re “addicted”. That is not how addiction works.

Okay everyone reblog this version

don’t make me tap the sign…

[Open ID:

Image of the “The Simpsons” meme where the bus driver taps the sign. The bus driver is taping the bottom left of the sign in the both images. The first one reads “Asexuality and aromanticism are inherently queer experiences. Even if an ace person is heteromantic or an aro person is heterosexual, they are still queer by the virtue of their aspec experience.”

The next image says, “Our heteronormative society is both allonormative and amatonormative and, therein, expects all people to experience sexual and romantic attraction exclusively to someone of the ‘opposite’ gender by default. Asexuality and aromanticism undoubtedly queer those rigid standards.”

End Id.]

The spiritual successor to Miette

Might I also add

May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit

Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children

I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.

My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang

Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.

My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang

Me: ksst!

My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!

Me: ok

My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang

Can haz snackytreat

(source)

Source

This post is the most reblogged post of the year! Congratulations!

you're absolutely correct it was

Disney has trademarked the names of a bunch of Norse gods.

This is not okay.

These gods do not belong to Disney. They do not belong to Marvel. They belong to themselves and themselves alone, along with all those who worship them as the deities they are.

Thor, Loki, Odin, etc., these gods were not thought up by anyone at Disney or Marvel.

Stan Lee knew how sacred these gods are to those who follow many different Pagan traditions, how sacred they are to Scandinavian cultures to whom they are so important.

My best friend follows the Norse gods. She will be so bloody offended when she finds out about this. These are her gods, this is her religion. These are the deities she worships, the gods she prays to, the traditions she follows. She enjoys the Marvel portrayals of these characters, but they are separate from the gods she believes in.

Disney is stepping on her religion in an effort to gain more and more money.

Stan Lee did not trademark these names. He understood their importance and their sacred meaning. He was respectful enough not to do this.

These names are not the intellectual property of anyone. Neither the original names in runes nor the anglicised names that are used in Marvel's works.

They were around well before us (a whole ass millennium before us), and they will be around well after the greedy bastards who have decided to trademark religious symbols are dust.

It should be common sense and common courtesy not to trademark the names of religious figures, which all of these gods and goddesses are, even if you do not believe in them.

mod is not christian but you would never see me trademark jesus ffs it crosses a Line

If you agree, please sign and share the petition. If you can, please chip in to get this petition everywhere it can possibly go.

It is f**king disgusting that Disney is doing this.

It needs to stop.

Oh, and one more thing.

FUCK DISNEY.

i want to throw up ive included a bunch of tags trying to get the norse pagans attention bc im sure they'll want in on this if u have an in with the norse paganism community on tumblr pls do tag everyone u can

im wondering now if they've done this to the greek gods too ughh that would show even more of a disregard for other people's religious views and past people's religious views ughhhh ok imma go look at the toilet bowl for a bit 😅pls sign it'd mean the world to me