‘ hi, guys! i’m broken. ’
‘ send nude pics of your heart to me. ’
‘ man, repressing your feelings is great. ’
‘ i just want to sit and stare at nothing and silently scream for the rest of time. ’
‘ birth is a curse and existence is a prison. ’
‘ it’s ancient history? it was happening until twenty seconds ago. ’
‘ one of the perks of living alone is that i get to just walk around naked. ’
‘ i’ll miss you too, you sexy skyscraper. ’
‘ you were already at almost-maximum hotness, but now you look like a sexy, tan rapunzel. ugh, the dream. ’
‘ well, hooking up with someone with the exact same name, it is kind of a fun, narcissistic fantasy… i could be into it. ’
‘ so far, i’m the best student. i’m gonna be the velociraptor. ’
‘ i feel like ‘friends’ in season eight, out of ideas and forcing joey and rachel together, even though it made no sense. ’
‘ i once got lost on an escalator, so i’m not exactly christopher columbus. ’
‘ we’ve been through this thousands of times. i mean, can you… just chill out? is that possible? ’
‘ you deserve to be happy because you are an impressive, thoughtful, and special person… not to mention, you have a rockin’ bod. ’
‘ any place or thing in the universe can be up to 104% perfect. that’s how we got beyonce. ’
‘ because of reasons. there are reasons! they exist and i don’t want to explain them right now. ’
‘ i’m a canyon… full of poo-poo. ’
‘ they are a couple and i am a third part of that couple. ’
‘ it’s suddenly very important that i get drunk. ’
‘ you got dreams in life? that’s lit. ’
‘ be nicer to yourself. ’
‘ how can i say no? …can i say no? ’
‘ i don’t have a house. i live in a boundless void. ’
‘ i have no idea what’s going on, but everyone is talking and i should too. ’
‘ be nicer to yourself. ’
‘ i’m too young to die and too old to eat off the kid’s menu. what a stupid age i am! ’
‘ is this a game? i go first. i call blue! ’
‘ aw, man. i wanted to push that button. not cool, dude. ’
‘ we know everything. i don’t understand much of it, but you know, i know it. ’
‘ that was my first time as a fashion ‘don’t’ and i did not care for it. ’
‘ i’m just a girl, towering over a boy, asking him to admit he loves me. ’
‘ hey there hot stuff, can i get you a cup of coffee? ’
‘ do you have any feelings like that for me again now? ’
‘ no, no, no, dude, dude, dude, you don’t have to explain yourself. we are on the same page. ’
‘ i am revved up to learn, man. my brain is horny! ’
‘ i used to think about how it’s weird they don’t make pants that are just one big pant leg for both your legs. ’
‘ i felt bad about what i did. it was a weird feeling. not used to it. didn’t love it. ’
‘ yeah, i love you. ugh, that’s embarrassing. i feel so itchy. ’
‘ go fork yourself, you mean giraffe. ’
‘ who needs a soulmate anyway? my soulmate will be… books. ’
‘ what do we do? panic? freak? i usually panic, but i am happy to freak! ’
‘ we’re gonna have assignments and quizzes and papers… it’s gonna be so much fun! ’
‘ i’m in a perfect utopia and i have a stomachache. ’
‘ i need to step outside for some air. and… i will not be back. for many days. ’
‘ the point is, you’re cool, dope, fresh, and smart-brained. ’
‘ yeah, dude. i’m not a monster… anymore. ’
‘ i’m good. just hang out with her and name constellations after each other or whatever it is nerds do. i’m fine on my own. ’
‘ i’m in this. we’re a team. ’
‘ she makes the bass drop… in my heart. ’
‘ is that some kind of nerd pick-up line? because it’s only kind of working. ’
‘ ugh, of course your hugs are amazing. ’
‘ okay, that’s really specific and that makes me think that you definitely did do that. ’
‘ yeah, mm-hmm, everything is fine, it’s okay, yeah. i’m fine. so, it’s all fine. ’
‘ look away! everybody look away. i’m going to keep watching, but you guys look away. ’
‘ ugh, talking about your feelings is the worst. ’
‘ i’ve been keeping a secret from you… about you. the thing is, it’s not even harming you and if i tell you i feel like it might harm you. so, uh, ethically speaking, i don’t think i have to tell you. ’
‘ has anyone ever told you what a drag you are? ’
‘ ‘bearer of bad news’? uh, i think you mean ‘bad news bear’. ’
‘ honestly, the best move is to get another dude and just go to town. rebound guy. ’
‘ but i am happy for them! i am! i am! am i? i am! i am not. i am not. i am not that. i am not happy for them. ’
‘ i totally get it. i mean, he’s a ding dong, but also a straight hottie. ’
‘ you want to hear his side? oh, no, no, no. that’ll only slow things down. ’
‘ no! right? no, it felt like a no when i was doing it. ’
‘ here’s the thing, i’m nice to you and you’re mean to me. there’s something wrong about that, but i can’t put my finger on it. ’
‘ how am i doing? oh, well, you know… stomach’s in knots, i’m stress-grinding my teeth, and it feels like i’m being suffocated. ’
‘ just shove your feelings way deep down, plaster on a smile, and pretend your having fun. ’
‘ just shove your feelings way deep down, plaster on a smile, and pretend your having fun… just like i do when someone starts talking about their kids. ’
‘ how do i put this delicately… it’s all stupid garbage! ’
‘ i’m sorry i dragged you into this. ’
‘ i’m sorry that i never did laundry… and that i waited until you were about to do yours and secretly tossed mine into the basket to trick you into doing it. ’
‘ that’s a very, very bad idea. don’t be yourself! ’
‘ great. yet again, it’s everyone against me because everyone except me is an idiot. why am i the only person who clearly sees what’s going on here? ’
