It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”

Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor

tiktok is such an awful app, it's almost designed to feed you misinformation and expose you to insane discourse. unlike beloved tumblr, the app that feeds me misinformation and exposes me to insane discourse

No, no, no, you see on tiktok an algorithm feeds you misinformation. On Tumblr I feed myself misinformation from my charcuterie board of hand-selected unhinged mutuals.

None of that mass market junk. Only artisanal, small batch, sustainably cultivated, fair trade horseshit.

There's nothing in the rules that says a dog can't go to medical school

IM NOT READYYYYYY

tis better to have booped and lost than never to have booped at all

boop (have you eaten today? have you drank water? are you doing well? i love you. i wish you the best)

i have not booped half of you as well as i would have liked, and i have booped half of you half as well as you deserve.

Rb for larger data set yadda yadda

An important message from the National Lawyers Guild - Detroit & Michigan Chapter

source

<older man and older woman chatting amiably at a table, their conversation is just on the edge of intelligible>

Denise: Oh, hello!

Bill: We were just talking about you kids.

D: I’m Denise Heberle (HEB-er-lee)…

B: And I’m Bill Goodman.

D: Together we’ve been fighting fascism for over 50 years.

B: And so much has changed over those 50 years, such as the ingredients to a successful firebomb!

D (cheerily): And the glass that bank windows are made of!

B: But there’s one thing that hasn’t changed over 50 years, something that is so important to tell you kids who are new to this movement.

Both: Shut the fuck up.

D: You’re sitting in the police transport van after a protest?

B: Shut the fuck up. In a holding cell, with your comrades?

D: Shut the fuck up. Cop knocks on your door?

B: Shut the fuck up.

D: Texting on an unsecured device?

B: Shut the fuck up. Pulled over by the cops after a protest?

D: Shut the fuck up. Cop just asking about your day?

B: Shut the fuck up. Feds call your mom?

D: Tell your mother to shut the fuck up.

B: Now. Repeat after me. When the cops come calling, what do you do?

(Cut to Bill standing with eight kids)

Kids: Shut the fuck up!

(Cut to Card:

“Shut The Fuck up A Public Service Announcement from

NATIONAL LAWYERS GUILD

Detroit & Michigan Chapter”)

Achievement Unlocked:

Shut The Fuck Up

Listen to the kindly old people, and never, ever snitch. Not even on yourself.

i remember adults telling me, as a kid, to listen to doctors and get my flu vaccine and any shots i could because they remembered Before.

then they started fighting Covid precautions.

i remember adults telling me, as a kid, that the ozone was disappearing and the earth was dying and we needed to recycle and save the planet.

now my parents think climate change is a myth.

i remember adults telling me, as a kid, that racism was a plague, that we had to love and accept everyone, that we should never judge before walking a mile in their shoes.

then they told me that protesting for my Black siblings was wrong.

i remember adults telling me, as a kid, that we needed to give to the poor. working at soup kitchens. making quilts. collecting food and money and supplies. building houses. because it was the christian and just plain right thing to do.

now they look at me, on food stamps with their grandchildren, and lament the "welfare state".

i remember adults telling me, as a kid, that it was easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven and that any rich man, especially an immoral one, should never run our country.

you can guess who they voted for.

i remember adults telling me, as a kid, so very much.

when did they forget?

Time to bring this back. Again.

Apparently this is evergreen. Dammit.

I remember adults telling me, as a kid that girls can be equal to boys in all fields including athletics. Now, they consider girls to be delicate flowers who could never hope to compete against boys.

I remember adults telling me that too much television would rot your brain, and then I watched those adults rot their brains with hours and hours of Fox News.

That is one of the ways they forgot.

I remember adults telling me as a kid that the internet was a place where we needed to be extra careful about bad information. “Anyone can put anything they want out there. Learn to use critical thinking skills.”

Now they’re the ones sharing lies and getting fucking mad that I know how to fact check them.

oh so when the reader knows something i don’t it’s “dramatic irony” but when i know something the reader doesn’t suddenly i’m an “unreliable narrator” 🙄

today's children are gonna become teens and clown the shit out of us for 'eepy' and 'blorbo' but they'll say it in cocomelonese so we won't understand them

today’s eepy blorbo is yesterday’s heckin doggo is last week’s smexy bishie

I hate that you're right and that I understood all of that.

Eeby Deeby, Blorbo, Heckin' Pupper, Doggo

Epic Win, Based King, Roflcopter, 1337Sp34k

Tumblr Wizard Penis Blast, I can has Lolcats

Cope Seethe Mald, U Mad? Smexy Bishie, Gigachad

For the lulz, dank memes, uwu huggle glomp squee

Cringe, fail, ratio, L, Horse Plinko to Super Hell

All your base belong to us, OP's post is really sus

OMG cool story bro, Awesomesauce, YOLO

I can't take it anymore, LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR

(one, nothing wrong with me, two, nothing wrong with me)

We didn't start the fire

It was always burnin' since the world's been turning

We didn't start the fire

No we didn't light it but we tried to fight it

Posts that resonate back to the LJ user base.

Tumblr needed to see this