Headstrong

“ What do you think of my new make over? “ Nikolas smiled leaning a bit agaisnt the wall, he was feeling rather dizzy getting into a  fight hadn’t been the best idea and he actually regretted it. “ I don’t think three agaisnt one was a fair fight but at least I made it out alive right?”

``That's uh...a nice shade of red you've decided to go with. Why did you decided to get into a handicapped match with some guys?`` Lena asked, having wrapped up some ice within a cloth for his face. ``Maybe next time try to fight someone who doesn't have an entourage.``

As Lena pulled back, Jaron did also, though his hands remained on her hips. He had no idea what the plan was, he guessed he’d keep working and try to move on and forget about it, but that was probably also the worst thing he could do. Jaron needed to talk to someone either professional or to a friend - Ami was probably sick of hearing about it and for once, the couple were getting along so well. He nodded as Lena asked about medication, and wiped his eyes. “Yeah um, those bottles you picked up.. um.. I need to take one of each every day now and, Ami has started PrEP which he needs to take too for us to be safe.” Jaron explained, hoping Lena would get what he was saying. “I’m just so scared of dying, Lena.” He couldn’t keep that in any longer, he needed to voice his fear. “I’m so scared that my body will give up and.. that will be it. I can’t.. I can’t stop thinking about it and, even Ami’s admitted he’s scared of me..” Jaron paused. This was getting a little too much.

Lena stayed close, almost as if she was afraid to move away. As she was for Regina, she would try to be the strong one for Jaron as well. She had no clue what PrEP was but as long as it was to help and keep both of them safe, she wouldn't question it. Shaking her head, she softly grabbed his face and looked him in the eye. ``You won't let this take you down. I won't let it take you down. You're a strong man who will fight through this. How do you feel physically right now? Like do you feel weak or anything besides normal?`` she asked, hoping he would understand her question. If he was doing good for the moment, that would be the time to start planning and doing all he could to stay healthy. ``I won't let you die. You can't,`` she whispered, moving forward to hug him again. 

Jaron wrapped his arms around Lena tight as they hugged, nothing but fear shown in his eyes and body as he sobbed into her shoulder. When was this going to sink in? He’d tried his best, his very best to be okay, but he wasn’t. Nights seemed to be drawing out as he was unable to sleep, and the thought of his body giving in to this disease was utterly terrifying - Even Ami had admitted that he was scared of Jaron dying. But, with today’s medicines it has been proven that you can still live happy, healthy lives with HIV. Though I suppose you’d never expect it to be you, who gets diagnosed. The room filled with silence, Jaron’s sobs could only be heard. He had nothing else to say, and it seemed Lena was in the same position.

Lena couldn't find the words to say. She couldn't lose one of the few people in her life that she actually loved and let into her life. He was too much of a good man and didn't deserve any of this. Her tears slid down her cheeks, ruining the eyeliner she had on. It was the least of her worries at the moment. Sniffling slightly, she leaned back a little to wipe her eyes. ``So what's the plan?`` she asked, trying to see some positive in the dark situation. ``Is there any medication or something you can take? Is there anything I can do?`` she asked, wanting to be some kind of help to him. Between Regina and now Jaron, she felt like she was close to losing everyone. 

How on earth was Jaron supposed to answer the questions Lena was throwing at him? What were those for? What was going on? Why wouldn’t he tell her? How on earth was he going to explain this to his best friend? I mean, there was no denying it, she’d picked up his medications! “They’re antiretrovirals…” Jaron explained, though that probably didn’t mean anything to her. “I don’t have cancer..” He confirmed, and wanted Lena to know of that. “I have..” Jaron paused, and shook his head. Telling his friends was always going to be difficult. What if they judged him? Was she question Ami? Would she question him and the safety of him being with Ami? There was so many doubts and questions going through his brain right now. He wiped a tear, or two, as his eyes started to fill, and looked down towards his feet for a second. He just needed to breath and compose himself. “You have no idea how hard this has been..” Jaron’s voice cracked, before he swallowed. “It’s been a week and I still can’t accept it. I’am trying to, walk around and be my usual self but, this is so difficult for me. I don’t want pity or.. anything like that. Lena..” He breathed, and finally met with her gaze again. “I.. You know me and Ami went to get tested, right? It was his idea and.. I.. I tested positive for.. for HIV.”

Lena looked at him confused, her lips trying to mimic the word he said. Never had she heard of something like that, which only pushed her to worry more. It meant it was more serious that she first thought. Watching as he hesitated, she set the bottle of wine in her other hand back down onto the counter. ``Jar...`` she frowned as he tried to find the words to say. She felt the slightest bit of relief as he confirmed that it wasn't cancer, but with his continued hesitation , it was going to be more than that. When he finally broke the news to her, she felt her heart break. He was such an amazing guy, it hurt to know that he had to deal with this. Stepping over to him, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight without a word. She didn't know everything about the disease, but she knew it was scary enough. She didn't want to lose him.  

Quality time with Lena was always something amazing. With Ami working his second job and Marissa living at her cousins, Jaron was left to his own devices this evening so thought he’d invite Lena over for a catch up. He hadn’t stayed in contact with a lot of his friends over the past couple of weeks, with his time being eaten up on stage and other personal issues, not to mention trying to save his relationship constantly with Ami - though right now, the two were very happy. The stress was causing them to argue a lot, like, stupidly a lot; and they’d even parted for a maximum of four hours just the other day, before coming back to their senses. 

With dinner eaten, and dessert scoffed down, Jaron had asked Lena to fetch a bottle of wine from the fridge - feeling far too full to even move from the sofa himself, though he soon found his feet as Lena picked up his new medication. How had he been so stupid to leave them out on the work surface? So much for keeping this a secret - Emilia, Nate, Theresa and now Lena was about to find out. He might as well just tell the world. Jaron honestly didn’t know how to respond, though his features showed that it was something serious. He snatched the pills from her in a hurry, and stored them in one of the kitchen cupboards. “It’s nothing..” He lied - one thing he hated doing, lying. “Can we please move out of the kitchen, or something?”

@handsofflena

Lena had needed her time with her best friend. She could sense something was up with him, but chalked it up to him being busy and being with Ami all the time. She had work anyways and she had been dealing with her own issues. Nightmares weren't exactly her favorite. When she got the invite from Jaron, she happily accepted and brought over a pizza along with ice cream for the two. She was finally able to relax for a bit and just talk, thankful he was still his normal self and not just totally wanting Ami while throwing his friends away. She had seen people choose partners over friends and knowing Jaron wouldn't was a relief. 

Standing in the kitchen, she read the label on the pills. They were prescribed to him, and it wasn't something of the usual. Nothing for a cold or Xanax which had become her best friend as of late. Pulling her hand back as he took the pills, she shook her head. ``Jaron, what are those for? Do you have cancer or something? Whats going on?`` she asked, a worried look taking over her face as she walked over to him. ``Why wont you tell me?``

“Ohhh..” Jaron giggled, as Lena announced she’d brought him something back from New York. He rushed to untape the bubble wrap, and carefully unwrapped everything from around it, before beaming bright as he eyed the clay sculpture. “Oh my gosh, it’s so cute. Aww, thank you baby.” Jaron smiled, and leaned over to place a kiss against his friends cheek for a moment. Lena was so cute, and this was such a thoughtful gift. “Darling, I will make it my mission tonight to find you a handsome guy, okay? And if I fail, you can just sleep with me.. like, I’m sure you can like, squeeze between myself and Ami.” His words were strictly innocent, though he wasn’t sure they’d been portrayed like that.

Lena grinned proudly, though she figured he would love just about anything she bought him. She had brought home far too many gifts for people which took up more space in her suitcase than she expected. Relaxing in her seat, she glanced over to him with a tilt of her head. ``You better. But we both know I'm such an excellent cuddler, so squeezing between you and Ami might not be so bad,`` she laughed softly, taking a deep breath. It felt good to be back home in London. New York stressed her out, the fear of running into a certain person always in the back of her mind. She didn't have to worry about that here.