Inside the INFJ Doorslam

My friends always get mad when I ghost people... and I never know how to respond... because you know I don’t mean to, I mean to treat them with civility, to stay friends, to move on...

But then I see them... and something just comes over me...an overwhelming need to flee... a need to protect myself... so I look down, run the other way, act like we never happened, I slam the door...

And I realize now that ghosting people isn’t all my bad... these people broke me down, to the point where I am afraid to let them into my life again... to the point where I go out of my character to be mean... I don’t door slam for fun or for payback, it hurts me to do this too, but I do it out of fear of what bringing you back into my life could do...

people don’t see that...

— ceszew

INFJs are probably the most taken for granted of all the MBTI groups.

We will often go above and beyond and strive to do whatever we can to support the people close to us. This can sometimes cause us to get taken advantage of, especially by people who sense our caring nature. But we have a limit. Once we are sure that the person will only continue to take us for granted, we become a much different version of ourselves. We will cease to keep giving what is taken for granted and instead give the gift of our formidable doorslam.

INFJ Eye Contact - Pt. 1

I adore it.

It only takes an INFJ a matter of seconds to read a person through eye contact. It’s our greatest weapon, yet our most powerful form of communication.

If someone is attempting to manipulate or lie to an INFJ, we can see it in their eyes. For INFJs who continuously find themselves in relationships or conversations with people who attempt to manipulate or lie to them, it’s because we’ve actively decided to accept those lies - not because we missed them.

If an INFJ is talking to you and making eye contact, it’s your responsibility to take them seriously. There’s a lot of vulnerability and risk that goes with direct eye contact. Few INFJs put their reputations on the line by making eye contact and not backing up their words with actions.

If you practice enough and really study how eye contact is done correctly, you can be best friends with an INFJ or even soulmates. It’s really not hard at all, but it does require authenticity, consistency, and willingness.

Rest In Peace Kobe and Gianna Bryant. January 26, 2020.

T.S. Davis

— Edith Sitwell

INFJ Traits, Social, Weirdness

Naturally inclined to help others

Natural diplomats because of the ability to see both sides

Egalitarianism and karma are very attractive ideas to INFJs

INFJs find it easy to make connections with others

INFJs need time alone to decompress and recharge

We can’t stop reading people even if we try

Champions for the oppressed and downtrodden

Often neglects to take care of themselves – putting others first

Prone to exhaustion due to the passion of their convictions

Gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive

Self-Expression comes easier on paper than face to face

Artistic and creative

Struggle to adequately express ourselves

Has a deep need to help people “sort out their stuff”

INFJs are inclined to create order and practical systems in their outer world

INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis

Knows things intuitively without knowing how

INFJs are easily affected by other people’s emotions

Have uncanny insight into people and situations

Prefer deep conversations to surface topics

Are protective of their inner selves

Geared to improve themselves through personal growth

Are rarely at complete peace with themselves

Has “little use” for social norms and routines

Always improving themselves and their surroundings

Always testing people to see if we can talk about things that really matter (usually can’t)

Can hold grudges for long periods of time.

We are information addicts, INFJs are the most well-read of all the personality types

Love’s variety in our romantic relationships

We rebel, but also want to be accepted

Losing/ Ending relationships is extremely painful

The whole INFJ existence is bound up in hiding and concealing our true nature

Have very high expectations of themselves

Tendency to take care of others needs while neglecting our own

Most likely of all types to cope with stress by seeing a therapist

Is a naturally nurturing, patient, devoted and protective

Hyper-aware of their surroundings

Are the least able of all the personality types to be in a long-term relationship

If the person we are talking to is too active, they will take a passive role, if the person we are talking to is too passive, we will take an active role.

Mysterious nature

INFJs know we are special and we revel in our rarity

Highly reserved, quiet, thoughtful, and almost above all else – introspective.

They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their children

Prefers careers where they can be creative and somewhat independent

Are very hard on themselves

It’s common for INFJs to intuitively assess their vicinity, and modify their behavior accordingly

To get an INFJ to open up, you must have some degree of depth about you and show that your view of things are not that dissimilar from their own

Always looking for something new, rarely satisfied with the mundane or routine

Not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks in careers

Are highly cerebral and reflective

Wants to be alone about 75% of the time

Very sexual in private, but respectful and dignified in public

INFJs are quiet around you if; they don’t trust you, or they are completely comfortable with you.

Have a natural affinity for art, and may excel in the sciences, using their intuition

Are complex characters with a range of talents and abilities

Has a limited amount of social energy

INFJs are often mistaken for extroverts

Would rather spend time with our creations than with people

Keeps the majority of people in their lives at arm’s length

Because of the high demands of people close to them INFJs frequently withdraw into themselves shutting out the world for a few days

Loyal to those they trust

Wonders why most people are idiots

Does not take kindly to being ignored or interrupted

Natural activists for causes but not for political gain or power

Suffers from emotional overload because of their inherent nature to be “givers”

Has the clear insights into the motivations of others, for good and for evil

Highly empathic – Can feel and sense what others are feeling

Are natural counselors and healers

Hates liars

INFJs are the Archetypal “Loner” by choice

Are moved to champion causes and activities that serve the greater good

Has a strong sense of personal integrity

Natural healers

Are private and selective about sharing intimate thoughts and feelings

INFJs are far less serious inwardly than they appear outwardly

We like to have things orderly and systematic

Use both sides of the brain equally

—

David Tyson

What are tell-tale signs you are an INFJ?

19 Signs That You’re an INFJ

1. From a young age, you felt different from the people around you

When you were young, you had plenty of friends but you never felt like you truly fit in. Sometimes you faked being more like them so they would accept you, but deep inside you felt that it’s not right.

2. You want to know what’s really going on in people’s lives

Not just trivial stuff like what they did this weekend or what they bought on their latest shopping trip. You want to dig deep and get at the things that no one else sees. What does the person in front of you really think? How does this person really feel? The fake facade they put up for other people doesn’t fool you.

3. Plans

You feel more comfortable having a loose plan for things than you do completely winging it.

4. You’re social, but you are not really social

You can be both incredibly shy, quiet, and withdrawn, as well as charming, fun, and hilarious. It’s all about the situation, your mood, and energy levels, and most important, the people you’re with.

5. How you handle problems

When someone comes to you with a problem, you usually don’t give them advice or your opinion unless they ask. Instead, you ask them questions to help them better understand the situation and their own feelings about it. Sometimes you tell a story of a time when something similar happened to you, in the hope that they’ll draw their own lesson. You feel like you can usually see the path they should take, but you don’t want them to do it just because you told them to. You want it to be their decision.

6. There are limits to your introversion

You are an introvert and you like alone time, but you can’t be alone for too long. Eventually you need to reunite with your people. “Your people” are a handful of good friends who truly get you. It can be just one person as well. Deep conversations with these people are priceless, and hanging out with them can actually boost your energy.

7. The door slam

You’ve been known to suddenly cut people out of your life when they’ve hurt you one too many times. It’s not that you enjoy cutting people out, rather, you do this simply to protect yourself. Even though you may look like you have it together on the outside, you’re extremely sensitive inwardly, and you’re especially sensitive to other people’s words and actions.

8. You can be a people-pleaser

Sometimes you try so hard to make other people happy that you forget to make yourself happy.

9. Empathy

You often feel like you see precisely what someone else is feeling, and you believe you know what they need deep down. You’re not always right, but you tend to be more perceptive than most.

10. You have a destiny

You feel like you’re destined for so much more than just dragging yourself to your 9-5 job to pay the bills. You want to help people and change the world & not just get a paycheck. The problem is you either don’t know what your “glorious purpose” is, or you have an inkling, but you don’t know how to achieve it.

11. Always striving

You almost always have this sinking feeling like you could be doing better with your life. This results in you constantly have secret self-improvement projects going on, like learning how to cook healthy meals, setting better boundaries, or getting better at articulating yourself. Sometimes you push yourself too hard as you attempt to achieve your “perfect” life.

12. Your defence mechanism

Sometimes you turn to people-pleasing to protect yourself. You’re sensitive, so you can get really bothered when someone criticizes you or is disappointed in you. They can’t criticize you if you make them happy.

13. You sense things

You often immediately sense the mood of a room when you walk into it. Likewise, you often absorb the feelings of the people around you. If they’re excited, you get excited. If they’re anxious, you get anxious, too. You tend to gravitate toward calm, centered people so you don’t have to deal with as much emotional garbage.

14. Nothing but class

You’re drawn to high-quality things, like good food, nice clothes, and anything else that has good craftsmanship. As much as you hate to admit it, the way things look is important to you. You like being surrounded by beauty, and you tend to have sophisticated, refined tastes. But you’re a minimalist at heart. You’d rather have one or two really nice shirts than ten mediocre ones.

15. Your secret feelings

You care deeply about the people in your life, but they’ll probably never know just how much you care, because you keep your feelings mostly to yourself. You can have trouble articulating your emotions, even though you feel them intensely.

16. You care a lot

You’re usually thoughtful, conscientious, and considerate. Other people who are not as conscientious can seem callous and even cruel.

17. Books

You love learning, especially when it comes to psychology, self-improvement, spirituality, and certain sciences.

18. Your head is way beyond the clouds

When everyone else is gossiping, discussing celebs, or talking about other trivial things, you often find yourself thinking about outer space, time travel, human nature, the meaning of life, and other more epic topics like entrepreneurship. You rarely try to steer the conversation in that direction, though, because you don’t think other people will be interested.

19. You didn’t ask to be like this

Other people see you as wise, insightful, and almost spiritual. They often come to you for advice and emotional support. You relish your role as the “wise one,” and you like being needed. But sometimes it becomes too much. You’re an introvert, for crying out loud, and sometimes you just wish everyone would solve their own problems and leave you alone for a while.

Source: @6ejt