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That reward's as good as mine!

@selfish-swine / selfish-swine.tumblr.com

Semi-Selective, Semi-Crossover friendly Indie Star Fox roleplay and ask blog for Lylat's most treacherous miser, Pigma Dengar. Be sure to read the IC and OOC information for details about the character, headcanons, and rules.
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I think that Star Fox 64 is overrated, do you?

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Haaaahahahahaha.

Ahahahaha.

Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.

You’re shitting me, right? Like, you must know how I feel about the IP, if you looked even a little into my post history.

But ok, sure, I’ll humor you, I can’t expect everyone to background check me just to ask a question.

Short answer: No.

Somewhat less short answer: Hell fucking no.

Actual answer: Starfox 64 is legitimately the best designed game in the IP next to perhaps only Starfox 2 and that is an objective fact of game design examination; you don’t have to like it the most, or even at all - not all games are for everyone - but calling it OVERRATED?

Actually, yeah, 64 is overrated, because its a goddamn 11/10. It’s a work of art how well paced, packed, and presented it is as a piece of entertainment media. It’s not without flaws, for sure - but a game’s virtue isn’t defined by how many or little flaws it has, but by how well it does what it sets out to do, and by how well it presents that.

SF64 is the perfect home arcade action experience of its time. Not perfect because its flawless, as I said, but perfect in what it does. Quick to complete, long to master. Tons of level variety both visually and mechanically. More classic scifi movie and anime references than you can shake a stick at. Snappy, purposeful writing that sticks to the pop culture consciousness because of how smartly its used (hell, you ever see anyone quoting the other games?) Solid difficulty curve that makes it easy enough for anyone to playthrough but provides plenty of challenge for the hardcore going for highest scores. The replayability! The criss-crossing paths! Sixteen missions, 25 possible routes, and tons of little variables in most missions. Its so goddamn simple in its presentation, but so INVOLVING in its experience, its really comparable to Super Mario Brothers in this regard for me. There are more complex arcade games out there. More challenging ones, more unique ones, more involved, deeper designed ones - and I love many of them. But none have matched that lightning in a bottle perfection of Starfox 64.

Yes, the game shows its age. All media does. Nothing is “timeless” in the sense that what was considered “advanced” one day will remain so the next. But for its time, what it did, how well it did it.... have you ever wondered WHY 64 has never really had a direct competitor even in its own generation? Plenty of games out there challenged Nintendo’s IPs, the 90s were a grueling battlefield. Sonic to Mario, and then later Crash. Final Fantasy going to PS1 becoming Sony’s answer to the Legend of Zelda. But Starfox never had a competitor or a rival - at least, never had one worth mentioning. There’s other arcade fighter plane games for sure, Ace Combat, or classic shmups like Gradius and R-Type, but they aren’t Starfox. There will never be another Starfox 64.

There’s a reason why its 64 that’s always quoted, always memed on, always the first game people think of when you mention the series, even now. Looked at as just parts, it may seem to be just a simple basic arcade shooter from the 90s, but what it embodies and represents is far greater than the sum of its parts.

So again. You don’t have to like it. It’s not for everyone! But it does deserve your goddamn respect. Overrated? Kiss my fat ass with that shit. Understand why a game has a legacy instead of being hung up on your own personal interests and biases.

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Papetoon and Lylat are Weird.

SYeah since I've poked my head out of my hiding hole I may as well do a little bit of what I do best: sharing weird and obscure trivia bullshit that never made it past the language barrier.

Anyway, the Japanese Starfox website and official strategy guide state something weird about Papetoon: namely that it's not actually IN the Lylat system proper. In fact the specific terminology used is "another galaxy light years away from Lylat", which sounds really weird and really far until you remember a couple of stupid things:

1: Starfox has some of, if not THE most conveniently accessible FTL travel in all of science fiction. Shit is so common and easy to do it makes Star Wars hyperdrive lanes look like driving a steam engine train.

2: Starfox repeatedly, CONSTANTLY, interchanges "system" and "galaxy" as if they were the same idea. Which, no, they aren't in Real Science TM, but consider things such as Andross gloating even in English that he "controls the galaxy", maybe Papetoon is just maybe in a nearby system is what was meant?

But consider also the possibility that Lylat IS meant to be its own entire galaxy. This could account for a lot of weirdness, namely how all these weird single biome adventure planets all seem to exist and support life. On the other hand, this does call into question how the fuck Corneria is the "fourth" planet and Venom is the "first" but hey that's just part of the headache lol.

The Nintendo Power guide for 64 saying Lylat is in the center of the Milky Way and that Solar was the star the planets orbit around don't help any of this either. I should break out my Japanese strategy guides again and comb them for factoids some time lol.

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OOC: This ain’t ok chief

Right so a good friend of mine got this in their inbox accusing them of being elitist/alienating people and I just wanna say fuuuuuck yoooou.

First off, this is accusing everyone who associates with them of being elitist, which is a substantial amount of shade to throw at a substantial amount of people. So to that I say: fuck you.

It says they don’t give other RP blogs the time of day, which is blatantly false and incorrect, for I know this person to be open and welcoming of almost all people they interact with. So to that I say: fuck you again.

They top it off by saying “everyone you write with” is like that, which once more is a lot of fuckin’ shade to be throwin’ at a lot of fuckin’ people, claiming falsely that these people don’t give other people the time of day. So once more I say: Fuck. You.

Here’s the fuckin’ tea, as the KIDS THESE DAYS fuckin’ say: noone owes you diddly shit, kiddo. No one running a goddamn RP blog is obligated to give anyone the time of day if they don’t want to, and that’s NOT A BAD THING. This shit’s a fucking hobby, and it’s motherfucking Space Furry Shooting Game Roleplay at that, not exactly the most important thing to get your dick in a knot about. So even if said friend WAS an elitist shut off snob who doesn’t give “other” blogs the time of day, you fuckin’ know what?

DEAL WITH IT. They don’t owe you SHIT. NOONE owes you SHIT. Hobbies are to be enjoyed by the people partaking in them however they wish to want to partake in them. Telling FUCKIN’ LIES to SHAME them into bending over to YOUR will isn’t just entitled, its fucking scummy. So I’ll say it again.

Fuck.

You.

If you got a problem with how someone’s treating others in a blog, be a fucking man and have some fucking balls to talk to them face to face, and don’t fuckin’ LIE about it because you have E-Peen envy over their (and their friends) writing skills. Miss me and everyone else with that below the belt bull shit.

This is 100% a call out post, and if you feel called out, GOOD. Maybe fucking learn something from it, ya prick.

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peppy-pilot
“…. Huh. You sure you did it right? You remembered to compliment her ass, right?? Wait….”, he pauses for a belch… then drinks more.
“Try another dame. Maybe that one just don’t like bein’ approached that way, ya know what I mean?! Girls, man. They’re all complicated and stuff! It’s like a particularly finicky engine part…. ya gotta like…. feel around for what works. Orsoemthin’. I’unno”, he mumbles as he drinks heavily again.

Peppy hiccups as he wipes his mouth. “Like… physically feel around what works?” Peppy no. Stars damn it, no.

And speak of the devil–Peppy makes a further fool of himself in a public place in a military base, a gaggle of girls would make their way into the bar, clearly all of them taking some time off from their work. Nurse Corps uniforms. Most of them are dogs, of course, but a few others were feline and two even were avian. But of all of them that stood out the most was the mint-green doe Peppy has had his heart set on. He’s just too drunk to realize her presence.

“I think that’ll just get me slapped some more, Pigster,” Peppy says aloud. “Unless you think Vivian likes that sort of thing?” Oh, no, Peppy, no, she’s right behind you.

“Noooo! No no no no! Touchy-feelin’s fer after you hit it off, dumbassh!”, Pigma replies drunkedly.

“Starsh’s sake, Pep, don’cha know the game?? S’got... bases and shit, y’know?? Firsht base is the kisshin’, shecond base ish the gropin’, third base ish gettin’ bushy! .... Or, wait, no.... dat’sh the home run.... the hell is third then.... bah!!”, Pigma continues to rant and ramble drunkedly. Then he looks behind Peppy.

“... Oh hi, Viv! We wash just talkin’ aboutcha!”, he says bluntly. Pigma NOOOO.

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But we’re missing one.
Those words rang through Pigma’s spirit, and he tensed himself up even as he held on firmly to James’ grasp for support.
“…. it’s not his time yet, Jim. Pep’s still got a lot of livin’ ahead of him, I hope…”, he says quietly, looking down at the stars all around them in the sparkling darkness of space.
The silence was broken by a choking sob.
“….. I’ve hurt him, Jim. I’ve hurt him so…. so damn -badly-. For you, it was over soon as you died, but Pep…. he suffered in life. I MADE him suffer…. y-you…. might forgive me…. but Pep….”, he murmurs.
“…. I don’t got an excuse for all the pain I caused Pep, Jim….”

           He knew well enough, of course, as there would be no simple reunion while life ran its course for everyone. Just as Pigma uttered that simple fact aloud, James knew–he hoped it to be true–Peppy had spent his life fighting just as they themselves had, fought against the current tooth and nail. Peppy Hare deserved days without the bleak gray skyline mercenary work often wrought. Funny how it came from his former wing-man now, as it did in the days before everything fell apart, the swine truly had a way of plucking common sense from the air without so much as a second glance.

It was not a thought James lingered on for long, however.

One knows intrinsically that with the morning comes the sun, that the lapping tides of the ocean are dictated by gravity, that grief comes without warning and without mercy. The grip on his hand was tightened, and its corresponding weight dragged as Pigma found himself awash in reality–something James knew, he knew would come just as the sun would find the horizon.

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“ … Pigma,”

It was cold. The sea was cold, its ice broken up against the brunt of passing ships, and its broken pieces were the stars– like smoke-white glass washed over stones. They were bright, and the stars about them seemed almost guttered.

James’ question rose in the silence in the same, steady cadence it had in life:

        “Do you really think he could truly hate you?”

Pigma’s spirit shifted into dull blues and greens as James’ question rang over him. The hole in his chest blinked faintly, and he looked away to the stars that surrounded them in the X nebula.

“... it ain’t the hate that gets me, Jim.... s’the pain. Even if he forgave me like you have.... even if he loved me like a brother again... I don’t know if I could... if I could accept it... if I could look him in the eyes from beyond.... and be at peace, knowin’ what I’ve done.... what I’ve done to the one man.... who were always there for me from the beginnin’...”

He paused, looking up once more to James’s cool blue eyes shining like supergiant stars behind the veil of his sunglasses.

“.... I suppose that’s still selfish o’me though.... hreh.... even in death and regret, I think about meself.... what a sham I am...”

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Pigma peers his head around the corner to the sound of some classic rock, spotting the Arwing’s open cockpit as the source of the music.
“Not tough,
Or strong,
Enough
To take a lot of pain
Take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud
It holds a lot of rain
Love hurts…”
He struts up to the machine and rather off-key joins in on the song.
OoooooooooooooooooHOOOooooooo!!!! Loooooooooove huuuuuuuuurts!
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“Gyeheh! Listenin’ to that cheesy song again, Jim? Whatya workin’ on there, eh? Need a professional’s assistance, hm?”, he asks with a mischievous chuckle.

          The sudden rise of Pigma’s voice against the song certainly gained the busied pilot’s attention–enough to jostle him from his thoughts, and enough for him to conk his head against the stationed Arwing’s tempered glass canopy.

Smooth.

“Y’know,         for a cheesy song, you sure do know the lyrics, Pigma.                  –But don’t quit your day job.”

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           James remarked, rubbing at his crown-though smiling as he turned the volume down to regard his teammate more properly. Like he had any real room to talk. Well, well, it never failed, just when he thought he could belt out a few embarrassing songs to himself Pigma arrived to add some back-up, as usual. The vulpine chuckled, and removed his sunglasses despite the bothersome glare of the artificial lights so that he might clear his lenses of any obstruction.

“–Yeah, I promise I’ve not broken anything.          Just runnin’ basic stat check, but

               you’ve always had a better eye for it than I did.”

“Hard not to know every song in yer dang playlist, Jim - cheesy’re not, s’good taste, gyeheh”. Pigma smirks as he meanders his way into James’ cockpit to see what exactly he was trying to tune up.

“You -say- that, but you got a different definition of “broken” than me or Pep do. Just cuz it still flies straight don’t mean nothin’s wrong ya daredevil!”, the swine chides his friend with a huff.

“But I’ll take yer word for it... lesse what the diagnostics run has to say! C’mon baby, speak to Daddy Pigma, tell him all yer dirty secrets...”, he chuckles as he takes over.

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StarFox Canon Ages/Heights Master-Post

I’ve noticed throughout this fandom that people tend to draw the characters at innaccurate heights and sometimes ship large age-gaps so I decided to break the confusion and make a master-post!

HEROES (StarFox, Cornerian Army, etc.)

Fox Mccloud

Ages: 18 (64), 26 (Adventures), 27 (Assault)

Height: 5’8

Falco Lombardi

Ages: 19 (64), 27 (Adventures), 28 (Assault)

Height: 6’2

Slippy Toad

Ages: 18 (64), 26 (Adventures), 27 (Assault)

Height: 5’6

Peppy Hare

Ages: 41 (64), 49 (Adventures), 50 (Assault)

Height: 5’6

Krystal

Ages: (Speculated but not confirmed) 19 (Adventures), 20 (Assault).

Height: (Analyzed but not confirmed) 5’8

Kat Monroe:

Ages: 20 (64), 28 (Adventures), 29 (Assault)

Height: 5’6

(While she doesn’t have confirmed ages for Adventures and Assault I just did basic math.)

Bill Grey

Ages: 18 (64), 26 (Adventures), 27 (Assault)

Height: 5’9

(Ages for Adventures/Assault are not confirmed but are predicted with basic math.)

General Pepper

Ages: 49 (64), 57 (Adventures), 58 (Assault)

Height: 6’3

James Mccloud

Age: 43 (64, and so on)

Height: 5’9

VILLAINS (StarWolf, Andross’s Army, etc.)

Wolf O’donnell

Ages: 27 (64), 35 (Adventures), 36 (Assault)

Height: 6’0

Leon Powalski

Ages: 32 (64), 40 (Adventures), 41 (Assault)

Height: 4’8

Andrew Oikonny

Ages: 12 (64), 20 (Adventures), 21 (Assault)

Height: 6’3

Pigma Dengar

Ages: 38 (64), 46 (Adventures), 47 (Assault)

Panther Caroso

Ages: (No confirmed ages but is an adult.)

Height: 5’9

Unfortunately no other Characters (That I know of) have any confirmed heights or ages. I hope this master-post was helpful! It took me a while to find reliable sources but I’m pretty sure these are mostly accurate!

I realize this is meant to help, but THERE ARE NO CANON HEIGHTS FOR ANY CHARACTERS BESIDES THE STAR FOX TEAM!!!

The Star Fox team has two conflicting sources of heights: the official SNES OST, which lists the heights as follows:

Fox: 152cm

Falco: 175cm

Peppy: 143cm

Slippy: 113cm

And there are Nintendo of America’s cardboard character cards used to promote Star Fox 64, which lists as follows:

Fox: 1.73 SM (”Space Meters”, which for these purposes I’ll assume are the same as regular Earth meters)

Falco: 1.88 SM

Peppy: 1.70 SM

Slippy: 1.67 SM

However, between the two, the Nintendo Power stats are probably incorrect! For one, their head to body ratios do not match up with these given heights, and Star Fox has maintained a relatively consistent 3.5 to 4:1 head-body ratios, making these 64 heights incorrect. This is further supported by how the Star Fox characters appear in Starlink besides traditional 7:1 head-body ratio human characters, all of whom are much taller than the Lylatians.

To further note, Nintendo of America just blatantly got things incorrect with Starfox 64. They called Fichina “Fortuna”, they called Solar a star when it in Japanese its a planet (It doesn’t matter if this is realistic or not, its canon), and said Fox was from Corneria instead of Papetoon. This isn’t to say nothing Nintendo of America can’t be trusted with regards to Star Fox lore, but it must be taken with a grain of salt and compared against original Japanese material.

THIS IS ALL SAID! Nothing says you have to abide by these canon statistics - fanart is all about creative expression after all. If you don’t like drawing Lylatians as manlets, then don’t feel obligated to do so. I’m just here to debunk the myths surrounding the canon.

On that note, THERE ARE NO CANON AGES FOR ANYONE EXCEPT THE STAR FOX TEAM AS WELL. DO NOT TRUST THE WIKIS, THEY ARE FULL OF FANON AND SPECULATION THAT HAS BEEN TAKEN AS GOSPEL TRUTH WITHOUT CITATIONS OR SOURCES!

This is especially true for Andrew! HE IS NOT 12! That was a joke born out of the Japanese fandom on account of Andrew’s 64 voice actor being Daisuke Sakaguchi, who voiced the youngest protagonist in the entire Gundam franchise: Uso Ewin, who IS a 12 year old boy. It’s an inside reference joke is all.

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          The sound of tools set aside clatter in time with the sound of music set loud enough to drown out thought. The hatch of an Arwing is set agape, and within it’s cockpit was its pilot quite engrossed in his work, and the harrowing lyrics born from the ship’s speakers.

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If one listened closely, one could make out the sound of the lone pilot singing along–as he ALWAYS did.

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          ♪ “Love hurts,                        Love scars,                        Love wounds and marks

                                       Any heart–”  ♪

Pigma peers his head around the corner to the sound of some classic rock, spotting the Arwing’s open cockpit as the source of the music.

“Not tough,

Or strong,

Enough

To take a lot of pain

Take a lot of pain

Love is like a cloud

It holds a lot of rain

Love hurts...”

He struts up to the machine and rather off-key joins in on the song.

OoooooooooooooooooHOOOooooooo!!!! Loooooooooove huuuuuuuuurts!

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“Gyeheh! Listenin’ to that cheesy song again, Jim? Whatya workin’ on there, eh? Need a professional’s assistance, hm?”, he asks with a mischievous chuckle.

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There was a safety in James’ grip. That strong grip he always had when giving a handshake, as if he never knew a stranger in his life. It was how he greeted everyone in his life for the first time…. Pigma was no exception.
The shine of James’ blue eyes contrasted deeply with the state of Pigma’s form. Now in the brilliant lights, all of his deformities were on display. Besides the twisted and mangled limb he once called an arm firmly in James’ hand, his entire face was covered in scars that glowed dimly with a pulsing red energy. His eyes were glowing dots in a dark void that once beneath his brow, glistening with a faint light. And of course, that gaping hole in his chest where his heart once was, with cracks running from it like veins all over his body.
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“…. Hreh…. “
“I’ve been bullshittin’ my entire life, Jim… I’ve had enough of it.”

              He wanted to frown, there was so much he wanted to know now that there was time to speak, and seeing his former friend in such a state–hardly the man he should be– ached. Perhaps why there was no more anger to be found in his heart, not anymore–whatever cruel torture James suffered before the darkness stole over him forevermore was branded onto the former pilot now, but worse. So they were, James mused quietly, two broken old men washed out along the proverbial shores of regret. The life, the dream spoken of over drinks was gone–and there was only the current that gently carried them along, its turbulent waters hushed with the quiet of the storm Pigma once brewed.

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           “ . . Yeah,                          Me too.”

He replied, finally, squeezing that hand once more as if assuaging some unspoken thought they shared. Regardless of his form now, what mattered was absolution, it was the reflection of one’s heart that would win out in the end. Pigma had seen his fair share of the treacherous ends the universe had to offer, it was burned into his skin, and bore a windhole where his heart had once been. He shelved the thought, and anchored his sunglasses along a worn pocket hem.

            “No more reason for us to hang back …”

But, but–

                         “–But we’re missing one.”

But we’re missing one.

Those words rang through Pigma’s spirit, and he tensed himself up even as he held on firmly to James’ grasp for support.

“.... it’s not his time yet, Jim. Pep’s still got a lot of livin’ ahead of him, I hope...”, he says quietly, looking down at the stars all around them in the sparkling darkness of space.

The silence was broken by a choking sob.

“..... I’ve hurt him, Jim. I’ve hurt him so.... so damn -badly-. For you, it was over soon as you died, but Pep.... he suffered in life. I MADE him suffer.... y-you.... might forgive me.... but Pep....”, he murmurs.

“.... I don’t got an excuse for all the pain I caused Pep, Jim....”

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Reblog if you’re open to improvisational rp and just “winging it” with threads

Whether it’s the first interactions between the muses so the chemistry is still up in the air and it’s still unknown as to whether or not they’ll click before potential plotting, or the muses have too much minds of their own and run wild the moment you set them loose in a thread, plotting is hard and occasionally your pre-planned threads jump the track and go in totally different directions than anticipated thanks to the muses’ creative differences. Reblog this to let your rp partners know that you don’t mind simply jumping straight into in-character interactions and threads.

ngl this is how i roll in almost all my RPs beyond maybe a very vague idea of an outline. But i cut my RP teeth on improvisational work!

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