Hello! Sorry to bother you, but I saw some posts recently about how pansexuality is transphobic/homophobic/biphobic and I was really confused about it or if it was founded in truth. If you have the time or are able to, would you be able to explain if it is or why people might think that?
I don’t have the emotional spell slots right now. Perhaps someone else feels up to this task.
I love the post you recently reblogged about bi girls feeling like they don’t have a say in the lgbtq+ community because they’ve only dated guys. But I’ve recently fully come to terms that I (cis woman) am bi, and have only seriously dated my current boyfriend and plan on being with him for the rest of my life, so there’s a good chance I won’t ever be with a girl. I don’t want to appropriate the community I guess? And it makes me scared to come out to friends in the community. What do you think?
I think I'm tired of the idea that you can appropriate a community (and this doesn't go against you, but the people who spread this idea). Guess what?
A community needs PEOPLE, and if we keep policing ours, it's only getting weaker.
Anyways, welcome!
Mod platypus
it makes me sad seeing bi girls on here coming to terms with the fact that theyre bi and then being like “i‘m not saying i have a voice in the lgbt community because i’ve only dated men, i know my opinions don’t matter because of that i know i’m not really part of the community” it makes my heart hurt. if you’re a bi woman and you’ve only ever dated men, you’re still part of the lgB!!!!!!!t community like that’s what the B stands for!!
Do y’all mind filling out my survey on the lgbt community and intersectionality ? All responses are kept anonymous. I would really appreciate it if people who were lgbt, poc, and youth would fill this out. White people are allowed to fill this out but it’s geared towards poc. If I could just get 100 responses that’ll be amazing. The survey is for my research paper. I am a senior in high school and I need the survey to complete my essay to get AP credit. If you have any concerns about the survey and how it’ll be used my dm is opened. Thank you ❤️
I’m sad to say so, but it’s time for me (mod platypus) to leave the team. There are just a few too many things going on in my life, so I am going to have to say goodbye to you all.
Which means we will be looking for new people to join this blog! If you are bi or on the multi-attraction spectrum, like getting involved in other people’s business (in a nice and respectful way) and have a bit of time to spare, this is your chance!
Below is a link with a short questionnaire about you and a practice question to show us how you would handle responding to asks. Have a look and leave us a response - we’re looking forward to hearing from you!
I'm sad to say so, but it's time for me (mod platypus) to leave the team. There are just a few too many things going on in my life, so I am going to have to say goodbye to you all.
Which means we will be looking for new people to join this blog! If you are bi or on the multi-attraction spectrum, like getting involved in other people's business (in a nice and respectful way) and have a bit of time to spare, this is your chance!
Below is a link with a short questionnaire about you and a practice question to show us how you would handle responding to asks. Have a look and leave us a response - we're looking forward to hearing from you!
It costs 0 units of any currency to not be biphobic, acephobic, transphobic, panphobic, or generally a dick. This applies to our inbox, our posts, and any other place. Really great deal, try it now for free.
Is it attention seeking that I really want to talk about being bisexual? I’ve been out for 13 years and only gross straight dudes hoping for a threesome will bring it up. I told my mom and she just said “ok” like “uh, why are you even telling me” and geez, I’m really starting to feel invisible. It was fine in high school when people were big into calling bisexuals slutty attention seekers, because I wanted to stay out of that but now I’m five seconds from tattooing it on my forehead.
[insert shrug emoji]
Maybe it's attention seeking? Humans are social animals and need attention. If you need attention for this specific thing, there may be something there that you have to process.
If you can figure out what it is, or even put into words that you just really feel like you need to talk about it, that may help talking to people who are now uncomfortable with it. Otherwise I suggest finding people who are willing to figure this out with you - friends, people from a queer community organization, or even a counsellor/mental health specialist. No shame in seeking attention when you need it. Water your brain plant!
mod platypus
How do I know if I am attracted to men or if it’s just comp het? I currently identify as bisexual, but I’m wondering if I might be a lesbian instead. I kissed a guy and I didn’t really like it, but I don’t know if that’s because it was my first kiss or because I didn’t really like him or because I don’t like men. How do I sort it out? Thanks!
So... Compulsory heterosexuality is an academic concept meant to describe the experience of women in a patriarchal heteronormative society. As such, I'm not sure how useful it is for individual women for analysing their situation. Obviously, it's useful for women who aren't attracted to men, but have felt that attraction in the past, if it helps them explain what happened there. But feelings are so messy, I'm not sure that this concept could help you work out whether your attraction is real or enforced.
I guess my question is... Does it matter? Even for people who are 100% certain about their identity, there is some amount of working out whether they are into a specific person or not. Even if you are into men, you shouldn't force yourself to stick with someone you aren't into as a person.
My advice would be to continue to pay attention to your feelings, but more to ask "how do I want to proceed with this person" than "what does this mean for my identity." Hopefully that'll help you figure out your feelings and find a label that feels good to you.
Hope this helps!
Mod platypus
hey so um if u've already answered this im srry, but can a person be bi if they only like girls and nonbinary/genderfluid people?
yes
-mod peach
Could someone who is straight have internalized biphobia or homophobia, or would that just be bi/homophobia, not internalized?
it’s only internalized if u urself are part of the oppressed group. so, for straight ppl it’s just the bi or homophobia
-mod peach
hey so me and this girl admitted we both liked each other a few days ago (i’m a girl and we’re both bi) but we rlly haven’t brought it up and i rlly like her and idk what’s going on. do u think it’s smart to try and bring it up or,, no?
never be afraid of communication bc it will pretty much always solve any uncertainty or vagueness. there’s nothing to be embarrassed or worried about wanting to talk and clarify things with someone!
always talk. communication truly is the key!
-mod peach
I found out a few days ago that one of my best friends who I've had a crush on for about a year liked me a few months ago, and according to the person who told me, was trying to move on because she didn't want to ruin our friendship. The problem is, I don't know whether she did move on or not, because I haven't. I don't think I'm going to be able to move on until I ask her whether she still likes me, but, just like her, I really don't want to ruin our friendship. I have no idea what to do.
It sounds like you are both on the same page when it comes to putting your friendship first. So I think an honest conversation could only help. I don't know whether you'll end up at 'lets give this relationship a try' or at 'we're better off as friends', but that way you can figure it out together. Just make sure that you're both completely clear that there is no pressure to be in a relationship if one of you HAS moved on.
I'm not an expert by any means, but my friendships who HAVE ended have not ended because of a (mutual or one-sided) crush. It was usually because we weren't interested in each other any more, and occasionally because one of us felt they couldn't be honest with the other.
All the best!
Mod platypus
Hello, I’m the anon who asked how to get a girl to stop calling me misogynistic for liking only girls. I wanted to thank you for your help and let you know that I’m no longer around her, she was my roommate and went through my phone without permission which is why I was vague, and am living with my sister. I’m so grateful for what you said and how everyone reassured me that I’m not as dumb and irrational as she made me feel. Thank you so much!
JESUS i am really glad u got away from her bc yeah what an exhausting, smelly person. esp going thru ur phone like who the hell ??? ugly, ugly person indeed.
stay safe and know u continue to be valid and are mucho loved
-mod peach
submission post requested to be posted as anon:
ive been questioning if im bi for years now and it hasnt gotten any easier. ive identified as gay for almost the same amount of time, but the fear never leaves my mind. i suspect i have hocd, but im not sure. Obviously you cant diagnose me or give me a definite answer on any of this, im just including that stuff as context. so here are the real questions i guess:
Is it ok/possible/etc to feel a potential attraction towards girls, but not want to date them and identify is gay, or is that internalized biphobia?
Am i doing something wrong if i identify as gay and am attracted to nonbinary genders as well? i myself am a nb guy. i feel like no matter how i look at this im technically bi, yet it upsets me to view it that way. is that wrong?
im sorry for such a subjective set of questions. i know you cant give me any definite answers on any of these, and you dont know me, and you arent a mental health professional… i think im just looking for advice. or maybe permission. i dont know 😔
i don’t know a lot about HOCD and a brief google seems to show that there’s yet to be much research and studies done about this specific type of OCD.
i did want to share this case report for the discussion section as the specific case report most likely will not reflect your personal life experience. but the discussion section talks about OCD and how the HOCD intertwines with the symptoms and such, and i wonder if it might help you navigate your feelings a bit?
(cissexist language included in the report, also the case report section has mention of sex briefly)
so, for your questions
i mean, imo the first question i would say yeah u can have that kind of experience and still be gay bc u set the parameters for ur identity and if ur majority desires for relationships for urself is with similar genders then ya. i would also wonder if the attraction towards girls might be echoes of compulsory heterosexuality? like being expected by society or w/e to HAVE to have attraction to a specific gender? i’m not very good at explaining this particular concept bc i find it difficult to verbalize the feelings but i just wanted to mention it for u to think about if it has any weight in ur life rn
also no being an enby means we are in a lovely grey area and we can shape our identity however tf we want tbh? bc there’s no real right or wrong way to be an enby and have an identity. like, i’m enby myself and if i’m being specific i ID as biromantic but i typically just refer myself as gay bc i have no gender and i feel like sometimes using a large umbrella term feels more accurate than a specific set of labels. idk if that makes sense but what ur saying about being enby and ID’ing as gay rang familiar for me
just know that ur feelings ur experiencing rn are valid and i would definitely suggest researching a bit more into HOCD if ur able to, as well as OCD in general bc the overall disorder will have a lot more information about symptoms and intrusive thoughts/feelings that might help u navigate the specific type u feel u might have.
i personally don’t think ur experiencing biphobia or anything bc like idk, the way i’m understanding HOCD seems more like an internal struggle with oneself rather than outward hatred/disgust/etc towards other people, other people’s identities, etc.
trying to understand ur feelings esp when it comes to mental illness things is difficult and frustrating at times but u’ve got a good start here and i just want u to know, from one enby to another, our grey area can be very very confusing as much as it can be a place of comfort. just try to find ur space in the grey that feels right to u and try to remember to have compassion for ur internal struggle bc it is what it is my friend.
best luck!!
-mod peach
Didn't realise because it was only just published but I misspelt Heartstopper ahah
fixed it for u :*
tellamaximumdestiel replied to your post “Do you have any recommendations for some gay/lesbian romance novels?...”
Lies We Tell Ourselves is really good and set in the 60s. Aristotle and Dante Discover The Secrets of The Universe. I'll Give You The Sun. Little and Lion has a bisexual character in it (one of the two main characters) and that's all I can think of right now!
