Blixa Seriously Does Look Super Carsick Indeed.

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

I always need this on my blog.

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning. 

Yes

Day 3606 - 15 March 2024

.//projectTiGER

they taught their dog magic

what studying literature feels like

Daniela n Cassandra everyone (my gfs)

“young adult dystopian novels are so unrealistic lmao like they always have some random teenage girl rising up to inspire the world to make change.”

a hero emerges 

And just like in the novels, grown men and women are going out of their way to destroy her. Support our hero.

And it’s not even like it doesn’t happen regularly.  

Teenage girls are amazing.

Sometimes they’re not even teenagers

Reblog every time a girl is discredited/ignored

Who they are:

Emma Gonzalez

Malala Yousafzai

Ruby Bridges

Greta Thunberg

Mari Copeny

Autumn Peltier

Afreen Khan

Sophie Cruz

Charlottesville Black Students Union

Naomi Wadler

DAPL protestors (names not found)

Ahed Tamimi

This isn’t a coincidence. Revolutions almost always happen when the population of a country is at its youngest and that’s a lot more true nowadays with social media.

Claudette Colvin was actually the first one to refuse her seat in Montgomery, Alabama to a white passenger. The movement chose to promote Rosa Parks as the figure for that form of protest because Claudette was a pregnant 15-year-old girl.

Barbara Rose Johns was a 16-year-old who organized a student strike protesting segregated schools. This strike, after gaining support of the NAACP, became a lawsuit that turned into Brown vs. The Board of Education and resulted in the desegregation of U.S schools nationally.

7th-grader Mary Beth Tinker, disturbed by the Vietnam War, decided to wear an arm band with a peace sign on it in protest. Her school suspended her. Her family filed a suit, Tinker vs. Des Moines, which reached the Supreme Court and ruled in her favor, ensuring that students and teachers maintain their right to free speech while in school.

Freddie & Truus Oversteegen were sisters who joined a Dutch resistance movement in WWII in their teens. They lured, ambushed, and assassinated Nazis and Dutch collaborators. They also blew up a railway line, transported Jewish refugees to new hiding places, and worked in an emergency hospital. 

Our history books may like to showcase male figures, but behind every movement is a young girl ready to make a change. It was true then, it’s true now, and future generations of teenage girls will go on to inspire progress, whether they’re credited or not.

We were raised on these stories of fighting back against oppression, but then the people who wrote them or read them to us act shocked we turned out ready to fight facism even while being anti-social.

Sophie and Hans Scholl, founders of Weiße Rose. They were both executed by the Nazi regime at the young ages of 21 and 24. For fighting back, for distributing flyers that spoke out against the NSDAP.

Between Weiße Rose, Swingjugend and Edelweißpiraten there were many youths standing up against Hitler’s regime and we will not forget them.

what th

I’VE BEEN TRYING TO find this again for THREE YEARS but once Free! came out I couldn’t google ANIME SWIMMING CLIP ANYMORE

This is such a god damn amazing piece of animation

If you ever needed proof that the new hate crimes laws are a good thing lmao

like to charge reblog to cast

Funny what a little bit of Holocaust denialism will get you trending with.

Also, worth noting that calling it "Holocaust denialism," as Aye and Alejandra Carabello (and myself) have, is not hyperbole.

JK Rowling is denying that trans people were targetted by the Nazis, and promoting the tweets of known anti-trans activists screeching that any insistence that we were is "the LGBTQ+ lobby" revising history. That is, by a 2022 ruling on a case regarding similar tweets by the Regional Court of Cologne, (translation) "a denial of Nazi crimes."

She is, by German court precedent, quite literally engaging in an element of Holocaust denial.

In case anyone is unfamiliar with the Nazis' destruction of both gay and trans culture in Germany, Germany had a sympathetic gay and trans health clinic in the early 1900s. The Nazis destroyed it and burned literature studying homosexuality, gender noncomformity, and what we now understand to be transgenderness or transexuality. This took place only 3 months after Hitler came into power.

In addition to homosexuality, crossdressing was illegal under the Hitler regime even though trans people had (albeit limited) rights prior to his rise to power. And before anyone says it, the trans holocaust victims we talk about weren't misidentified crossdressers, drag artists, or gender-nonconforming people. One trans woman, Liddy Barcroff, died in a concentration camp for her "crossdressing" after telling arresting police “my sense of my sex is fully and completely that of a woman.” The queer community, all of us, suffered huge losses both in individuals and in education and understanding during the Holocaust. Denying any part of that is offensive and dangerous.

It's also important to add that the founder of that institute was Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, who was a gay Jew. This allowed Nazis to claim that Jews were promoting homosexuality to "destroy the family" and weaken the white race.

You know, pretty much exactly what Republicans are saying now, just in dogwhistles.

"Helping the starving American-style" USSR c. 1970s.

tfw the soviet propaganda is a little too on the nose

I remember learning in school that one day she was "too tired to get up". That is exactly what they told us.

2015 - Here are some gifs of Donald Trump being attacked by a bald eagle named Uncle Sam, literally the least patriotic thing that can happen to an American. [video]

I’m reblogging this again because I finally realized why this is so funny to me, as a bird person.

In the first gif, what you’re seeing is a man who has zero idea how to handle a bird. That’s a heavy bird, and he’s got his arm stretched out as far as it will go in an attempt to keep the bird away from his face. What that does is create unstable footing for Uncle Sam. The handler is there trying to hold up Trump’s arm, but the bird has already realized it needs to leave or it will fall. In the first gif the bird is not attacking Trump- it is trying to get away from him so it doesn’t get hurt.

In the second gif, what we see is a bird that remembers what just happened and is blaming Trump for it. Uncle Sam sees Trump reach for its tether, and makes a lunge at Trump’s hand to keep him away. The bird /does not/ want to hang out with Trump because it has learned that Trump has no idea what he is doing.

Uncle Sam is rejecting Trump based on Trump’s proven inability to properly handle Uncle Sam. And that is both hilarious and beautiful.

Good bird.

Always reblog Uncle Sam telling Trump to fuck off

This is a better explanation of these gifs than I could have given!

Now if we could get the rest of the country to reject him based on his proven inability to properly handle the country.