u know what's great? im not in highschool anymore

Me, on my deathbed: wtf….Why did they cancel Victorious

Y'all have,,, NO idea how much I want a pizza rn. It is taking all of my willpower to save my money and not order one this instant to celebrate getting stuff done today

late-stage capitalism is i want pizza but congress won’t buy me one

wait I haven’t tried

I’m gonna call my congressman and see

Hmm… Ted Cruz isn’t answering. Still a coward, I see,

I’m gonna ask my governor now and tell him Cruz said it was out of his jurisdiction so he’ll feel all important. dude sued the city and is richer than god he can afford a pizza

HDGJDFHGJ SOMEONE PICKED UP,,, this is how it went:

Me: Hello, I would like to request an audience with Governor Abbott

Secretary: I’m sorry. I can relay a message and have him get back to you in a call or email.

Me: Okay, thanks! Due to some recent changes and current economic disparity in Texas, I’ve calculated that Gov. Abbott makes enough a year to buy over 10,000 pizzas, for example. As a display of his claims to make efforts towards rebuilding the middle class, all I ask is that he buy me one single pizza. 

Secretary: *incredulous laugh/scoff noise*

Me: That’s less than 0.0001% of his salary, not even taking his enormous wealth into consideration, and will affect my voting decision next election cycle. My paypal is https://www.paypal.me/quinintheclouds 

Secretary: …I’ll let him know.

Secretary: *Hangs up*

None of them bought me a pizza. Guess you could say they crust my dreams :((

pLOT TWIST THE SECRETARY SENT ME $15 FOR MAKING HER LAUGH AND CAUSE SHE HATES WORKING THERE,,, THE SUBJECT LINE SAID POLITICAL PIZZA

i don’t trust male ob/gyn doctors

Excerpt from Eros Modestica, GENTLEMEN DON’T LOOK UP LADIES’ SKIRTS  February 14, 2014 “The most searing indictment of male gynecology is the book by Dr. John M. Smith entitled Women and Doctors (The Atlantic Monthly Press, 1992). After spending nearly twenty-five years in gynecological training and clinical practice, Dr. Smith paints a dismal picture of the woman’s specialist. “Male gynecologists, like all men, go through the kind of ‘attitude setting’ that occurs in the proverbial locker rooms while they are growing into manhood.” Dr. Smith, whose practice was in Colorado Springs, says that “It is common and acceptable among practicing gynecologists to speak about their patients bodies, sexual behavior, or medical problems indiscriminately, in terms that are demeaning and reflect a lack of kindness and respect.” (p. 27) Becoming more explicit, he charges them with eroticizing the medical scene: “It is a rare male who is able to see women day in and day out, examine their bodies, hear details of their sex lives, and not only never have a lascivious thought or abuse that access but always remain clinical…” (p.29) He confesses that “I have had a colleague invite me to do an exam on one of his patients under the false guise of a consultation because ‘she has a body you won’t believe’.” “I have seen a physician walk out of an exam room and tell a hallway full of doctors and nurses about the disease his married patient had contracted as a result of an affair. I have seen more than one gynecologist walk into an operating room where another doctor’s patient was already asleep for surgery, lift up the sheet, admire the patient’s breasts, and continue his conversation without pause.” (p.27) Dr. Smith concludes dramatically: After twenty-four years of medical education and clinical gynecological experience, it is my opinion that males should not be gynecologists. The role properly belongs to women.” (p.29) 

I had a dream I went to class but only a few people were there. When I asked one of them (a guy who was just staring blankly at the chalkboard) where the rest were, he only said “they’re all awake”. 

When I woke up, I realized I overslept and missed my first class.

Purgatory class is in session

does anyone ever do the opposite of dissociate?? where youre just suddenly and uncomfortably aware of your situation and reality 

more to the point why do i get that feeling when im sitting on top of my kitchen table watching a velveeta mac and cheese pack spin in the microwave for three and a half minutes and im just like I Exist I Am Here And Theres Nothing I Can Do About It 

okay this one wins, everyone can stop reblogging this now 

gays, i have an important question:

are you a sword gay, knife gay, battle axe gay, or a bow n arrow gay

this question is good for all lgbt people of course, except for terfs

Gun

WHAT THE FUCK?! GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!

I just remembered that when I was like 6 I had a dream where I heard a very tiny “hello!” and I looked and it was this tiny white puffball and it looked like this

that was god

Listen I love She-ra but WHERE does her fucking SWORD go when she’s not holding it? This drives me crazy?? It’s a giant-ass sword and they just don’t put it into 50% of shots and I can’t handle it

strife specibus

it’s so difficult not being able to use milennial humor in a corporate setting. like i made a mistake today and i wanted to tell my supervisor it’s because i suffer from Dumb Bitch Disease, but do you think that would fly?? fuck no. i gotta say shit like, “sorry for the misunderstanding!” i can’t wait till the workforce is made up entirely of millennials and i can say “sorry i drank idiot juice for breakfast this morning” and my coworkers will be like “oh worm.”