“my child is fine.” sir your child just shot his uncle dead with a crossbow

Five's body aging normally and he decides to start dating again in his "twenties" a bunch of twenty something lads and lasses start gravitating toward his good looks and impressive intelligence and ask him how old he is and the madlad looks them straight in the eye and says '72'

Better yet he decides he'd rather date someone his own age so you're scrolling through 'tinder for old people' and find this young ass twerp on there with a profile that says '72, married 30+ years but divorced, no kids' and he's completely and utterly serious

Imagine dates with this guy, lmao. Like one second he's telling you he's a family guy and loves his siblings and the next he's telling you hes the one who shot JFK

Date: so what do you do for fun?

Five: math.

Date: ...huh. Well I like fishing.

Five, nodding: I killed a fish once.

Date: what's your worst fear?

Five: the apocalypse razing the planet and killing everyone I love leaving behind nothing but a barren world.

Date: wow that's... intense. Good thing that won't ever happen.

Five: third times the charm.

Date: do you keep in touch with your parents?

Five: the blood ones or the robot and the alien?

Date: so im a doomsday prepper

Five: i like you already.

Date: you know what, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually considering another date with you. What's your phone number.

Five: here, but it won't be my number for much longer.

Date: are you getting a new phone?

Five: no I just change it and my address every few weeks to keep time traveling assassins off my ass.

Date:

fuck it why not

The DM hinting how bad of an idea this is.

EDIT: guys this is a shitpost. Putin is not actually stepping down... (yet)

Do y'all remember being a kid and trying to read in the car while it was dark outside and your parents wouldn’t let you turn on the light so you would try to grab snatches of sentences when you passed by street lights

Wait, I’m not the only one!?

no offense to anyone, but from now on I’m just gonna start all my sentences with “so, Destiel’s canon”

jane austen thought she wrote a slow burn?!??! nah nah. the cw’s supernatural just came for her crown! she’s shaking in her grave!

- Are you coming? - Of course.

even destiel went canon before nevada finished counting the ballots 

“one the thing i want, i can’t have”

“i love you”

im FUCKING SORRY DID THAT JUST HAPPEN DID I IMAGINE THAT IM NOT CRYING YET BECAUSE IM IN SHOCK

He didn't just say "I love you" though. He literally said "in all of time and space, in all of heaven, hell, earth, purgatory and whatnot, in an existence that has been lasting for eons, YOU are my happiness."

Excuse me while I rip my heart out and throw it away before it can hurt anymore.

DESTIEL IS FUCKING CANON

Is Destiel Canon Yet ?

11/5/2020: Yes.

H,, hermitcraft,,,