✞* if you only knew ╯

danielxrk‌:

seems like daniel’s just as speechless as him. makes sense with how their past conversations have always gone. woojin doesn’t quite know what to think between ‘oh, i made him awkward by getting mad at him so often’, and ‘thank god he isn’t saying anything that would piss me off’. really, he does try to keep his temper in check, but all logic just goes out the window when it actually happens. the feeling of blood boiling is too much to dismiss, especially when it makes his limbs stiff and achy. shit fucking sucks.

of course, he knows that’s no reason to be lashing out at his friends but his brain doesn’t want to think about that right now, not when it’s so tired. he really wishes he never signed, but saying that in front of daniel...well, woojin’s not sure if he’d actually want the contract if none of them signed to begin with, but it’d be a bad look anyway. 

the question strikes him as odd, redundant. what kind of answer would woojin be able to give to that? it takes him awhile to even process it, then get over the weird annoyance in the pit of his stomach. he gets why daniel would be asking it, and it takes all his energy to not say ‘i wish they would’ve signed you instead’.

“nothing’s going to change even if i answer that,” he finally answers through gritted teeth, though looking off so it isn’t that obvious. “wouldn’t wish this life on you; wouldn’t make you feel bad for something out of your control,” it comes out nicer than he’s comfortable with, but perhaps that’s a step in the right direction. “why are you asking? i’m not in the mood to kiss your ass to make you feel better about yourself,” and we’re back to square one. 

✞* if you only knew ╯

                                                                                                           ⊰ ◝ @rkpwj ⊱  

daniel misses kenta and woojin.

he has from the start, but it’s different now, two months after the finale of the mgas, the reality sinking in that this is their new normal. daniel going to study economics, going to his job and making coffee, both things he hates– frequently taking the five minute walk from his apartment to the one the other guys live in. they’ll always be the empty enigma guys to him, even if they aren’t empty enigma anymore. (they’ll always be empty enigma too, at least to daniel.)

there aren’t any rehearsals anymore, kenta’s schedule too consumed by training and woojin’s energy too consumed by it for them to play together even for fun since they started training. daniel, optimist that he is, has hope that it’ll change as they adjust. he hopes they’ll be able to cover songs together, and that he can upload them on his newly minted youtube channel, even if it’s only every now and then, even if it’s not all of them– even if it’s not them as empty enigma. daniel misses playing with them, but his new normal is playing the bass for church worship and in bass covers to upload to youtube, and a guitar in his lap almost constantly, notebook always open, lyrics collected in pages.

there are worse ways to live. (better ones, too.)

it’s just another day of the door opening and woojin slipping in after training. daniel is over at their apartment often enough in evenings– oftentimes waiting to say hi to kenta after training before he leaves –to know around when he gets home, even if he hasn’t told him his schedule. it’s just another day of daniel on their couch with his guitar in his lap, and when the door opens he looks up as always. usually he doesn’t say anything and just lets woojin go to his room and rest, because he hasn’t known what to say to him for two months. he never knows what to say to woojin, but it’s worse now. he still has guilt he hasn’t come to terms with. he doesn’t know if he’ll ever stop feeling guilty for sending woojin off to sphere by himself when they were on a team together– when they all came into this together, because daniel asked them to.

“hey, woojin,” daniel calls, and he puts his guitar down, then stands up and walks over to him. when he stands in front of him, he realizes he didn’t think this through. all he knows is that he wants to talk to him, even if he doesn’t know what to say. he and woojin don’t have the best track record in communication, and daniel always overthinks– always worries he’ll say something wrong, especially with woojin, but he misses him. in the end, it’s all he can say: “i miss you.”

he deserves to know. daniel knows woojin discounts himself too much. he doesn’t give himself enough credit and he’s too hard on himself, and maybe he needs the reminder, even with as overwhelmingly embarrassed as daniel is now that he’s said it. “we don’t have to talk about anything. i just wanted you to know.”

woojin hardly pays attention to his surroundings back in the sharehouse anymore. it’s going to be minhyun and sungwoon there, maybe kenta if he comes home late, and sometimes daniel if he decides to drop by. it’s one of those times, as he sees the bassist on the couch out of the corner of his eye. they haven’t had a proper conversation in months, and it’s essentially woojin’s fault—his schedule, to be exact, but some of the blame is also on his attitude. not that daniel should find the cold shoulder foreign, anyway.

but today’s different. today daniel breaks the silence and calls out to him. woojin stops in his tracks in surprise, though it doesn’t show on his face. he almost thinks he misheard the voice, but the fact that the other is standing in front of him now is proof enough. 

“what—” he’s cut off by daniel’s sudden confession, and the words don’t process for a good while. it’s not like daniel to be so to-the-point with the things he says, let alone what he says right then. woojin is speechless and his mind races to find something to say back, but then daniel continues before he can speak up. 

“no, it’s fine,” he manages to return to his senses long enough to assure the other. he opens his mouth to return the sentiment, but the words are caught in his throat. saying ‘i miss you too’ just feels so wrong, but it’s what he feels, and daniel deserves to know that. they’ve been through enough that he shouldn’t still feel this way, but recent events have only drove him back into his emotional shell. he can’t seem to bring himself to open up right now. 

the silence is deafening and he swears his internal conflict must be as clear as day with the way his mouth open and closes like a fish. his heart feels heavy, but he forces himself to speak through his fatigue. “right...” 

he wants to inquire further because it’s never just that with daniel, but he doesn’t feel like pressuring the other for answers. it’s probably best, anyway, with how their deep conversations always go. so he just stays silent, hoping for daniel to either continue, or end the conversation for them. it’s not fair towards him, woojin knows this much (in fact, it’s the only thing he ever thinks about), but he just can’t find the words to say. you deserve better than me.

free to play ;; ✩

rkhoon‌:

“fun,” woojin snorts, moving to stretch his legs out of habit. not that he dances or anything, but his history with sports and exercise has taught him better safe than sorry with these things. don’t want to be getting a cramp out of nowhere while on an arcade machine of all things. 

he looks towards the screen after jihoon does, gulping as he just now realizes what he had done in the heat of the moment. expert is nothing to scoff at, especially for someone as stiff as him. he’s played a couple times before and watched jihoon dance, but none of that warrants him the confidence he should have going into the game. 

he grabs hold of the bar behind him for support before executing the moves showing up on screen. the first ten seconds are easy enough, but as the song starts picking up, his combo breaks and he soon sees more misses than anything else. hopefully jihoon’s too distracted to notice, but woojin tries his best to keep up anyway. 

and as the song finally draws to an end, he feels the dread of the upcoming results screen creeping up on him. of course, the last thing he sees on jihoon’s side of the screen is him hitting a perfect move. well, can’t blame him for doing well on a game he picked.

“that was hell. thanks,” he ends sarcastically as a big cat ‘C’ shows up on the screen for him. his ratio of misses to hits sits comfortably at 1:1, which should be an achievement in itself. 

「 Teaching the Drumage 」

⇢ request received: @rkpwj !

Daniel was an angel. She was glad that despite them disbanding, the members of Empty Enigma still seemed to be on good terms. Even to the point that she could grab up Woojin’s number so easily and ask for personal tutoring lessons! She had always admired his skill on the drums and part of the reason she had asked Minsoo Oppa to teach her was because of a performance from Empty Enigma she had stumbled into watching during an outing with friends.

A lot had happened since then and today she sat here, an established Seoul citizen with her own circle of friends, drumsticks in her hands and ready to soak up every piece of advice she would be given.

“Yer an angel for agreein’ to help me! Y’see I joined a band myself just before the whole MGA stuff even started n’ it’s goin’ well but I dun wanna be lackin’ n’ draggin’ the others down, y’feel me?”

woojin isn’t confident in many things, but even if he’d never admit it out loud, his talent for playing the drums far surpasses his other skills. with time, passion, and memories put into it, it’s become more than just a hobby for him. there’s a bittersweet sentimentality to it now after the disbandment, but he tries not to dwell on it.

daniel had recommended him to help out one of their fellow mga contestants with her drums, and considering she had come to him personally to ask, he had felt too bad to say no. not to say he doesn’t feel the slightest bit proud at being the mentor in this situation, but he knows how bad he is at passing on his skills. hopefully she isn’t disillusioned in the process.

“it’s no problem,” he answers meekly, unable to adapt to energetic types like her. “i didn’t know you were in a band as well,” he says as if he’s still in one himself. ouch. “could you show me how you play as of right now? so i can...see how to help,” if he can help at all. who knows, maybe she’s even better than him? never assume. “just to get a feel for your current level.”

* - OCTOBER EVAL !

* shifting

the summer hasn’t been kind to him, but jinhyuk is past the age where he expects kindness from the universe as its default. with business picking up at yum yum chicken (and delivery people dropping like mayflies), his boss begs him to pick up extra shifts in desperation. and jinhyuk, having never learned how to properly say no even when he has too much on his plate, tells her he’d be happy to come in to work more often! just let him rearrange his schedule! it’s fine, he’ll manage!

it’s not as fine as he pretends it is. extra shifts means he has to cut back on the number of classes he teaches at the community centre, something he actually enjoys. his regulars are disappointed, but jinhyuk cites work issues and promises them things will go back to normal once things calm down at his other job. he’s not sure when that will be, exactly. his boss is reluctant to hire and train new people. jinhyuk doesn’t understand why, but he’s not inclined to argue with her about it either. surely she knows best?

he can’t pretend he isn’t tired, however. maybe he’s stretching himself too thin. no, jinhyuk knows he’s stretching himself too thin. but he’s used to this, to punishing schedules with few rewards, to denying himself the opportunity to be selfish and say no i can’t i’m sorry i really don’t want to—  

i’m helping, he reminds himself. it’s important. no one stops him from coming in during the weekends either, although he looks like he’s on the verge of death. woojin would’ve, perhaps, as one of the only co-workers jinhyuk likes and listens to, but half of the extra shifts he’s picking up belong to woojin to begin with. jinhyuk wonders why; it doesn’t seem like woojin, but they’re not close enough to discuss their personal lives. 

as long as woojin hasn’t quit, jinhyuk has faith this crunch won’t last too much longer. which is why he’s delighted to run into woojin as his shift comes to an end on saturday. delighted and relieved; jinhyuk hates saying goodbye, but he hates not having the opportunity to say it even more. “hey, woojin! long time no see, huh?” or maybe… long time, yes see? jinhyuk frowns. time passes slowly during the summer. “i was afraid you quit for a while there—who would i talk to about anime then?” well, there probably are some people out there, but woojin has the best opinions. 

“everything going okay?” he asks a moment later, gently inquiring. he doesn’t expect woojin to answer, but the implicit offer is there. i’m here if you want to talk. 

it’s the changes to his daily life that feel the weirdest. 

of course, the whole awkward silence issue with the band feels the worst, but at least he gets to forget that when he’s not at home. the schedule, however, reminds him every waking moment that he’s not himself anymore, and that makes him sick. he feels actually sick. 

it was all too sudden, going from zero to a hundred in the blink of an eye. his sleep schedule’s fucked up, he doesn’t get to practice for the band, no more games or anything vaguely fun left to do. just training and work, but hey, at least, in some sick twist of fate, he gets to find solace in the fact he’s still able to work shifts at his old job. 

he’s only staying for the sanctuary it provides in his schedule, really. he doesn’t need the money anymore, not with the trainee pay backing him up. even if it’s cutting into his free time and sleep, he feels like he’ll go insane if he doesn’t retain at least one thing from before. his boss seems fine with it, albeit worried when his fatigue shows, but he brushes it off. it’s nothing coworkers need to concern themselves with, though he appreciates the concern. he just wants to be treated like he’s always been, even though it’s real fucking weird when he gets recognized sometimes. 

so when his name is called out, he braces himself for the worst, only to be pleasantly surprised by a face he hasn’t seen since the time they went drinking during the mgas. “oh, hyung,” he greets with a small smile on his face. maybe it’s uncharacteristic of him, but for fuck’s sake he’s happy to see the man. 

the long time no see only gets an awkward and sheepish shrug from him, though, as he’s not sure if he wants to start on that subject. jinhyuk isn’t the type to pry and ask about personal matters, but just avoiding the question in general would be nice. “nah, i haven’t quit. just been really busy.” an understatement, to say the least. he really shouldn’t even be pushing himself to continue working here, but... “i’m fine.” it’s not his life he wants to talk about with jinhyuk, anyway. as the man said himself, it’s the dumb topics like anime discussions and idle chatter that he wants nowadays. 

“do you really not have anyone else to talk to about anime...?” he frowns teasingly, though unable to stop the smile that stays on his lips. “missed me that much?”

` calling for backup ━ *

rkluna‌:

she seems aware of her image in his mind, considering the hesitation in her voice—or perhaps she’s just cautious like that, who knows. woojin appreciates it either way, anyway, since he deals better with people who’re more self-aware than the bubbly, intrusive type that seems to be much more prevalent in the industry (understandably so). 

those are his thoughts before she continues speaking, anyway, before he hears what she has to say. now he’s just confused and, honestly? sort of exasperated. she wants him to learn a dance within the hour just to practice with her? how good does she think he is? considering the only reason he had been sitting in the practice room to begin with was because he was taking a break from training...

well, that’s exaggerating a bit. he already knows the dance to ‘plz don’t be sad’, and it’s not hard enough to warrant excessive practicing for. maybe he could help her out...well—depends on how difficult the routine is in the end, he supposes. 

“i probably can...” he starts off hesitantly. “but can i take a look at the dance first?” his wariness should be understandable, and he’ll probably try to help her out even if it’s ridiculously hard anyway. “just in case i don’t think i’ll be able to do it.”

` calling for backup ━ *

another performance, another she’z song. luna can’t even keep count of how many times she’s had to perform no no no in all of her years in sphere now. it’s enough to terminate her contract. every time her renewal comes around, this is what she thinks about– why she considers leaving. shit like this. if she ends up with a concept like she’z when she debuts, after sticking training out this entire time, she will…something. she’ll do something really dramatic and ridiculous to express her anger.

there’s one saving grace in this performance though, and it salvages it entirely for her. there are dance breaks that are far more luna’s style, and in her opinion, don’t really match no no no, but she’s not about to argue since it makes practicing so much more interesting. it also makes practicing more work, however, weekends spent preparing with backup dancers, but on the days of the week, they’re left to their own devices. luna already has all of the original no no no choreography down to a science after being made to learn it so often, and her lines are easy. all she really needs to practice is the dance break.

she could just ignore it and practice on the weekends only, but that won’t cut it. she wants to really sell their dance break to prove she suits the kind of concept the dance breaks match the best, so she’ll need to do well. therefore, when indepdent study rolls around, she wanders through sphere, checking into every dance room until she finally finds him: park woojin.

when she does, her face lights up. “hey! just the guy i was looking for!” she greets him. “i was hoping you could help me out with something.” she has a high need for a backup dancer, and a severe lack of them. as far as luna is concerned, woojin is the best male dancer they have, too.

woojin has yet to come to terms with the fact that he’s currently one of the best male dancers in sphere. for an idol company, shouldn’t they have...more talent out there? if he’s where the bar is set then just what kind of training have they been doing? the ones who’ve been here longer than him, anyway—shouldn’t they at least have more experience than him? it’s only been barely over a year since he started dancing...there’s just no way this is right.

then again, there are plenty more vocally talented trainees, so maybe they’ve been focusing on that instead? maybe all the good dancers debuted in convex, so he’s just best out of virtue of there being no competition? that seems more likely, considering dancing isn’t even one of the things he’s good at. 

that being said, it’s probably what he was signed for, since it’s not like he got a chance to show off his drum skills on the mgas or anything. perhaps he should’ve tried incorporating it somehow, turn the idol companies off him but attracting more fans to empty enigma instead. 

not that that would’ve served any purpose in the end.

his bitterness over the whole situation has left him in a bad mood for the past month at sphere, it’s no wonder he’s yet to really make any friends. subconsciously, he’s not even sure if he wants to be making friends here, but that doesn’t stop people from coming up to him anyway.

“uh, hey?” he’s sat with his back to the door when luna enters, only seeing her through the mirror of the practice room. he turns around after making eye contact, though, getting up off the floor to be polite. “what do you need help with?” he’s hesitant to agree before he hears what it is.

sharing is caring / jihyo & woojin

rkpjihyo‌:

“thank you,” he nods meekly once more, forcing himself to make eye contact and smile, not wanting to seem like he wanted to escape the conversation. not that there’s anything wrong with it, but he’s always been way too awkward with strangers, especially in formal-ish situations like these. hell, it isn’t even formal. they’re supposed to be what are essentially coworkers. 

“oh, that sounds tasty, actually,” he admits in quiet surprise. he had expected something sugary, like hard candy, but he’s always been fond of chocolates. “could i still have one...?” he asks timidly, rubbing at the back of his neck in an awkward motion. 

“settling in is one thing...” he trails off with a shrug, wondering if he should complain to her. “i don’t think i’ve been here long enough to feel very at home yet,” if he’ll ever. “i’d appreciate that. i’ll come to you if i ever need anything,” he continues with a small smile. he probably won’t because he never ever talks about his problems, but the gesture is still appreciated. “have you been signed for long?”

sharing is caring / jihyo & woojin

today was a good day. seeing as she had re-stocked her candy all for both buildings. she had been running low and finally filled everything back up, so it was safe to say jihyo had been on a sugar rush the entire day. a big one. all day she had been on a high and a part of her was aware that a crash would happen sooner or later. jihyo personally hopped it was later.

but this was the now and they had finally taken a break in the dance class. unlike the other’s she didn’t leave room. instead she stood scrolling on her phone while one foot tapped against the floor. it was by chance she looked up saw another traine leaning on the while. a new one. also looking slightly nervous but she couldn’t be sure. not without talking to him. ( and she guess that he was another kid from the mgas. ) so she made her way over, digging around in her bag until she made it to him. “hey! i’m jihyo and you’re a new trainee right? would you like some candy?” a peace offering of sort’s but she hopped he understood her. it wasn’t lost on her that her speech moved just a little faster.

matching her current mood. this would be a good time to slow down on her sweets.

it's not surprising to find that woojin's nervous, but he thinks it's validated this time, if anything. he's in this new and foreign place with no familiar faces around, but he's managed to rationalize it in his mind by treating it like a new job. just show up and do what's asked of you. no need to over-complicate it. even if what's required feels beyond his expertise, he'll manage somehow.

so in theory, he should be fine with his new schedule with sphere, but of course it's always worse to be living in the moment. he's already gone through a couple days worth of lessons but he's still been unable to talk to anyone outside of the trainers (and even those interactions had been sparse). he's never been the type to reach out to make friends either, and it doesn't help that he doesn't feel like making new friends.

so when the girl approaches him with a gift, he finds himself hesitant to accept it. would it be bad manners to turn her down? probably, and he's not in the business for making enemies a week into his new life. so he accepts it after pause, bowing his head politely in thanks.

"i'm woojin, and yeah. i joined just a couple of days ago..." he trails off, unsure of the direction he wants take. "thanks. what— uh. what flavor is it?" he looks down at the wrapper curiously, unable to make out the type.

"oh, right—and nice to meet you," he hurriedly corrects.