• ❝  i’m used to people generally not giving a shit about me.  doesn’t mean i can’t still choose to care regardless of whether not people will care back.  ❞
• ❝  i’m not kind because i expect anything from it.  i do it because i like how it feels.  because people have not generally been kind to me and i don’t want to be that sort of person to someone else.   ❞
• ❝  why didn’t you ever tell me you were dealing with so much?  you didn’t have to keep this to yourself.  ❞
• ❝  it’s okay.  i don’t need you to help me…but if you wanna stick around while i fix it myself i wouldn’t mind the company.  ❞
• ❝  i generally don’t like people as a rule.  but i don’t mind you.  so uh,  don’t fuck that up for me alright?  next time you’re in trouble just call me. ❞
• ❝  are you sure you don’t want me to stay?  ❞
• ❝  you know i can tell when you’re lying.  so you can either talk about what’s wrong or we can just sit here together.  either way,  i won’t let you do this alone.   ❞
• ❝  no,  i don’t need you.  but i do want you.  my life is fine without you,  but it’s great when you’re in it.  i don’t need to be dependent on you for this relationship to be important.  ❞
• ❝  well,  i already did the ‘kicking their ass for being a jerk’ part.  now i’m doing the whole,  showing up for you and making sure you’re okay now part.  ❞
• ❝  i don’t want to be like this.  i want to change but i don’t know where to start.  ❞
• ❝  i see you.  i just wanted you to know that.  i always see you.  ❞
• ❝  i haven’t really done the whole dating thing in a while but,  do you want to?  we could go to dinner—or coffee?  ❞
• ❝  we’re having a spa night,  okay?  i already have a bath started and there are face masks on the counter.  no arguments.  we need this.  ❞
• ❝  don’t start giving me the damn puppy eyes i was already gonna say ‘yes’ okay?  ❞
• ❝  this is a bad idea but i’m already committed so i might as well not half-ass being a dumbass.  ❞
• ❝  i always feel better when you’re here.  ❞
• ❝  i’m going to give you a hug now but if you tell anyone about it i will have to kill you.  ❞
• ❝  did you just flip off that old guy?  ❞
• ❝  i know you’ll lie to me if i ask if you’re okay so i’m skipping past that part and telling you to go home and get some rest.  ❞
• ❝  you know i’m not good for you right?  there’s probably a hundred other people you could be going to right now instead of me.  ❞
• ❝  can i say something here?  or do you need another minute of rambling before i get to do the part where i say what you need to hear and you realize you’re freaking out over nothing?  ❞
• ❝  don’t you get that i need you?  you’re always going on about being fine and being able to manage on your own and i’m sure that’s true.  but what if i’m not?  what if i need you in my life.  and i need you to let me help you with your life too? ❞
• ❝  i know you’ve been having a shit time so i brought some food.  ❞
• ❝  hey— get your hands off my plate.  i made you your own.  ❞
• ❝  i know you like the rain,  but it’s getting cold.  you need to come in before you get sick.  ❞
• ❝  i knew i’d find you here.  ❞
• ❝  if i tell you my eyes are red from weed and not because i was crying will you do me the favor of pretending to believe me? ❞

Fenrir’s heart fell, and a strange sense of worry for past-Erik swelled up, like somehow he could go back and fix whatever tragedy had happened. But he kept silent as Erik drew him into the office, squeezing his hand, and found his own shaky as Erik passed him picture upon picture, paper heavy with crayon and marker and pencils, reds and oranges and yellows, and lines of black that terrified him.

A lump in his throat made it hard to breath, and he found he couldn’t quite stand anymore, so made it over to a chair to collapse. “Oh, Erik,” he breathed, staring up at his boyfriend, a man he still knew so little about. He held his hands out for him. “What happened?” 

Fenrir blinked, attention shooting to Erik’s as he spoke, mouthing his words as his brows furrowed. And then Fenrir wanted to kick himself. “No!” He blurted, hand darting out to grab Erik’s. “Shit, Erik, I’m sorry. I just kept chickening out. I thought about texting you every time I had a spare moment to think. But, but I haven’t been with anyone since… since their mother. And I didn’t want to drag the kids into it, but then you were so great with them. They both like you. Fuck, Hati invited you to lunch, she’s never done that with anyone outside the family. And Skoll didn’t mind being around you at all, he actually talked to you. And–”

Fenrir bit his lip, swallowed. “I didn’t think I was allowed to be interested. I’m sorry. Here–” he took his hand back, belatedly realizing he’d been squeezing Erik’s, and fumbled for his phone in the cup holder, pulling up Erik’s contact and sending him a text with his name.

Once done, he let his hands, phone and all, fall to his lap and stared at Erik again, ears still red. “So… yeah? Coffee?” 

@actually-i-prefer-magneto

Playdates between Anya and the twins were a common thing now, even when Erik couldn’t be around himself. Fenrir and Erik had been happily, if somewhat awkwardly, working at proper relationship ever sine their official dates went well. It had taken some time, what with them both being busy single fathers, but Fenrir found himself happier than he’d been in years. It definitely helped that he and Erik had finally started kissing, proper kisses too, and even though neither of them were quite ready (or had any real time) to go farther than making out like teenagers, Fenrir was stupidly happy.

He was learning more and more about Erik and his daughter, as well as their past, in bits and pieces. He didn’t feel ready to push, though, so just let the information come when it did.

This time, though… Fenrir was worried.

Erik was teaching piano, so Fenrir had come over with the twins so they could play with Anya, and Fenrir could at least be in Erik’s presence (and he did love seeing him play, even if it was basic things, it was unfairly sexy). Anya and Skoll were coloring quietly, Hati playing with a few animal figurines she had brought, when Fenrir noticed what Anya was drawing.

Later, when Erik was done teaching, Fenrir beckoned him over to the kitchen while the kids watched cartoons. “Erik…” he started, frowning, fidgeting. “I know it may not be my place but…” he handed him the picture Anya had drawn, filled with reds and oranges and yellows – fire – with her father at the center. But he wasn’t in his fire gear, he knew that well enough because he’d seen her pictures of him with his gear on. “Do you… maybe you need to talk to her about your job. Or take some time off. I don’t think… this is good.”

Fenrir laughed as Erik tore off his shirt, but the sound shifted into a deep groan as Erik dragged his teeth over his jaw, sucked him hard at that particularly sensitive crook beneath his ear. His breath caught as Erik spoke, always dizzy with the idea of Erik claiming him, further more when he said as much. “I am,” he breathed, clutching at his lover, “All yours.”

Where a moment ago his clothes made him feel rather smug, now he wondered why his still had pants on at all, and so quickly shimmied out of them until he was bare, and eagerly slotted their hips together so he could drag their arousals against one another. Fenrir still didn’t usually like either of him directly touching his penis with their hands, but everything else was fair game.

Grabbing handfuls of Erik’s ass, he fumbled them over until Erik was on top, then wrapped his legs around him and bucked up against him. “Fuck me,” he demanded, dragging his hands through Erik’s hair, nails raising red marks down his back.

Fenrir climbed back into the car after dropping the kids off, glad they didn’t make too much of a fuss and just settled on their cots. He let out a heavy sigh as he pressed his head back against the headrest, that universal look of a tired parent. He hadn’t really thought of the potential awkwardness of him and Erik alone, in his car, with no buffer, until he was there. Erik was clearly uncomfortable, fiddling with his jacket, and Fenrir wanted to take pity on him and just start driving, but he couldn’t quite do it yet, needing a breather.

He was still trying to decide what to say, side-eyeing the man, when Erik burst out with an apology. Fenrir blinked, having not expected that, but didn’t even have time to tell him not to apologize when Erik was just saying all the right things and making his heart melt.

“Thanks,” he said, voice rough, smiling at the man. “They… they like you a lot, too. And you weren’t intruding. I… I enjoyed having you there, too.” His hand landed on the gear shift, fiddling with it, thumb smoothing over the top as he tried to work himself up. He still hadn’t pulled out of the drop off lane, and he wondered if it made Erik uncomfortable, but he wasn’t quite ready to drive off to the station, mess up the moment, and he certainly needed all his focus for this.

He assured himself this wasn’t a mistake. Hati clearly adored Erik already, and Skoll was comfortable around him, and Fenrir had been keeping a close eye on Erik’s interaction with them both and always found it impressive. 

“Look, uhm,” he started, tapping his other hand on the wheel. “I didn’t want to… just jump into something. But… the kids like you. And… well… I haven’t done this in a while, so, I mean, did you… did you want to go get coffee, sometime? With me?” He shot Erik a nervous look, which quickly crumbled into embarrassment and started babbling. “Oh, god, of course you don’t, you work at a coffee shop, but I – I mean – we could get a drink? But I – I don’t drink, I try not to now, uh, maybe dinner? Or – uhm – I… I’m just going to stop talking now.”

And he clammed up, face, ears, and neck red, and stared hard at the center of the steering wheel.

Fenrir shuddered, tilting his head to allow Erik closer and letting out a groan as he forewent any teasing and just bit down. It went straight through him, and he settled heavier against him, pressing his face into Erik’s shoulder as he let out a shuddery breath. “God,” it was ridiculous how riled up they could still get each other within seconds. Fenrir often wondered if it was some side affect of Erik having never done so much as masturbate before he was twenty-three, and how Fenrir’s own early sexual explorations got fucked up fast.

It didn’t matter though, because now all that meant was they could go fast and hard, slow and sweet, and several rounds without issue.

He rocked his hips almost lazily against Erik’s, sliding his hands between his love and the bed to the small of his back, then down to cup his ass, giving it a squeeze as he rocked their hips together, excited at the way he was still clothed with Erik naked and wanting beneath him.

“You should make sure to bite me hard Monday night,” Fenrir whispered, grinning at the idea as he kissed Erik’s jaw. “Right where this professor will be able to see.” It was almost dizzying how strange it was that once, both men strove to hide all bruises and scars along their bodies, but now Fenrir reveled in every single mark Erik left on him, proudly displayed them, would walk around shirtless all day after a particularly eventful night just to drive Erik crazy, was known for smiling stupidly in the mirror and idly tracing the pattern of Erik’s teeth on his skin. When they went out together, sometimes still getting looks for both being men, or worse when Fenrir shaved and knew he looked particularly young, but he still bore every proof of Erik’s love for him proudly.

Fenrir’s hands hesitated at Erik’s words, but the man was lifting his hips, encouraging him, so he continued to work him out of the pants. Fenrir himself was still dressed in his shirt from last night, but had stripped down to his boxer-briefs when they had clambered into bed the night before. Fenrir hated sleeping in jeans, and it wasn’t the first time he strip down to his underwear with a stranger just to sleep more comfortably. 

“That’s fine,” he murmured, trailing light kisses up his jaw. “What’d you prefer? We’ll take it at your pace.”

Fenrir nodded, made an agreeing noise, because he certainly understood being more comfortable in quiet spaces than public ones, and smiled. “Great. I look forward to it.” And he did, because he was sure it would do his twins some good, because Skoll was too shy and withdrawn to really care for friends, Hati tended to think everyone her age was stupid, and they more than not just stuck together. But Hati already liked Erik, something that still boggled Fenrir, and maybe being with an older girl who also had no mother, even if Fenrir didn’t know the details of that, would help her too.

He couldn’t stop the smile from growing as Erik took care of Hati’s food without batting an eye, and the vertigo of the moment didn’t hurt so badly as the first time. It probably helped that they had just been discussing Erik’s own daughter, so he could parse everything a bit better.

They ate with comfortable waves of silence and idle conversation, mostly Hati saying something and Fenrir trying not to put his foot in his mouth, but soon enough Hati started getting crabby, overly frustrated when she didn’t spear her waffle on her fork the first time, complaining how she go a “too chewy” piece of chicken and refused to swallowed, so Fenrir had to lean over the table and hold a napkin to her mouth so she could spit it out. 

Skoll ate a good portion of his, for him, but started having a breakdown when his fingers and face were covered with nutella and Fenrir, a little panicked, made sure Erik and Hati were ok left alone, once again, and pulled a crying Skoll into the bathroom to clean him up. Hati glared at nothing and moodily flopped against Erik, working at the last of her coco. 

“I think it’s nap time,” Fenrir said when he came back, which earned him a scowl from his daughter, but she perked up some when he handed her a few bills to count out for the tip. She about had a melt down when she realized the waitress wasn’t coming back, since they were supposed to take their bill up to the front to pay, and Fenrir made sure to wave her back down.

Hati practically crawled over Erik so she could hand the woman the tip, and then stared her down. “Don’t eat too many sweets,” she finally decided on, “Or you’ll get a tummy ache.” 

The waitress looked confused yet charmed, and she agreed to this piece of advice before taking her leave with a thanks. Triple checking everything was in order, Fenrir slipped out of the booth, Skoll at his side, and waited for the other two to slip out before making his way to the front to pay, but not before downing the rest of his coffee.

“I like your coffee, though,” Fenrir pouted, because he didn’t like to think hard on the whole can’t afford to be sick thing. Clearly Erik was working his ass off to make ends meet, and that worried him more than he wanted to think about. He did crack another smile, though, at the mention of Sean. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

His worry only increased as Erik spoke of his daughter, his own heart aching in an entirely too empathetic way. Still, he glanced at his son, and tipped his head so Erik would too, as Skoll quietly colored. He didn’t know much about Anya, but it sounded like she and Skoll were alike.

“That’s all right,” he said softly, and had to remind himself he couldn’t pry, even though he desperately wanted to ask after not anymore and maybe touch Erik’s hand because clearly the two had been through tough times. “The option is still there. We could all go somewhere together, sometime, maybe. If that would help her. Or you could just come over with her.”

Fortunately, the food came then, giving Fenrir an excuse to stop making a fool of himself. He thanked the waitress, who definitely smiled dreamily at the entire family, and looked ready to congratulate them, but thankfully kept her thoughts to herself and just refilled their coffee carafe. Fenrir helped Skoll cut up his crepe, and as much as he knew he loved the taste, Skoll also hated getting messy, and the chocolate banana crepes weren’t known for being a tidy lunch. Fenrir didn’t even have a moment to see if Hati wanted help with her waffle and chicken, because she had already shoved her plate over to Erik for help instead.

Fenrir’s mouth opened and closed. He’d never thought about that, before, but he supposed that was exactly what Erik had wanted. He had always assumed Erik was strong, but never really appreciated the extent of it. But he remembered how everything in the house had shook, clattered to the ground, doors slamming shut and rattling, like a hurricane was pushing through the house except Fenrir had felt no wind.

And god, to have that all bottled up.

No fucking wonder Erik was here. Fenrir was amazed he hadn’t been hospitalized sooner.

“A tracker?” He repeated with a scowl. Suppressors he understood, even if he didn’t like, but a tracker? His fingers curled tight into Erik’s hospital gown as he growled. “You’re not some damn dog.” He shook his head, pressed his face into his boyfriend’s hair.

“Oh, you’re the manager?” Fenrir blinked, and had he mentioned that before? Probably. Fenrir tended to get distracted around him. “Well,” he cleared his throat, fiddling with his coffee. “Good to know. I was worried you were sick, or–” didn’t want to see me again “–or something.”

The kids were still fiddling on both adult’s phones, swiping through pictures, snooping around, but when Fenrir noticed Hati starting to look for games, he gave her a look and stuck out his hand, wiggling his fingers. Hati gave a loud, deep sigh and returned her father’s phone like it pained her. Skoll meekly pushed Erik’s phone back across the table as well, then let his sister open their crayon packets so he could carefully line them up and started coloring.

Still fiddling with his mug, Fenrir cleared his throat again. “Did you, uh… I know your daughter is a few years older, but, we could arrange a playdate, sometime, if you’d like.” That got Hati’s attention and she bounced in her seat, nodding.

Fenrir’s face definitely burned as even Erik seemed to see that neither of his kids cared about piano, and he quickly took another sip of his coffee, hoping he didn’t pick up on the fact he was definitely hoping to have an excuse to see Erik’s place, to come over to Erik’s place, to see him play piano. His attraction for the man was still boggling, almost concerning, and he still felt like he needed a buffer so not to get completely in over his head. But he supposed that was a moot point considering how much money he had been pouring into a certain coffee shop the past few weeks, and the way his heart would fall when Erik wasn’t the one behind the counter.

But Skoll, bless him, bless his wonderful son, just up and provided him with another reason to see Erik. At his other job, no less. His other, very sexy job.

“Of course!” He blurted, and was too distracted to notice Hati’s huge, smug grin. “Of course he can. That would be great. For him. He loves dogs.”

God, he was a mess. But Skoll was beaming, and crush or no crush, Fenrir would do anything for that look.

He cleared his throat. “So I guess that’s why I kept missing your at the coffee shop?”

“This kids would love to learn how to play,” Fenrir blurted, even though neither of his children ever once showed their were musically inclined or even vaguely interested. Which was probably obvious when the twins stopped what they were doing to give their father a matching odd look.

“I wanna learn how to drive four-wheelers,” Hati said instead. Which, yeah. “Taylor’s uncle has one and she has a picture of her on it that Miss Jennifer put up on our class wall.” She looked to her father, pouting. “I want one of me on your bike, daddy. Everyone would think I’m the coolest. “

Fenrir grimaced, and really it was for a variety of issues. First off, his motorcycle was collecting dust, and secondly he didn’t think the adults would be impressed with a picture of two small children on a death trap. But it also reminded him about how emotionally turbulent a time it was to put together Hati and Skoll’s about me posters for school, how both of them came home more quiet than usual that day, and even though Miss Jennifer had done her best to ease tensions, it was clear the reminder that they hadn’t even known their mother had drawn both kids in on themselves. At their teacher’s suggestion, he asked how they would feel about bringing in a picture of their mother to keep on their wall, and after initial hesitance, Hati had one day pulled out one of the pictures from their album of him and Lenya, just a silly selfie, and Skoll had pointed at the one where Lenya was bent over her large belly, kissing it. Both him and Miss Jennifer had teared up when Hati and explained for Skoll that he liked it because they were in mommy’s tummy in that picture and that she obviously had loved them very much before she had ever met them (which she later rubbed into a boy’s face when he’d went on about his own mother, because “she has to love you now”).

As Fenrir lost himself to this thoughts, Hati started talking about the importance of dogs while Skoll beamed at the idea of Max wanting a belly rub, and he mimicked the idea with his own stuffed wolf, smiling at it, then asked Erik softly, “Can I come see Max?” 

Hati scoffed, but sat up on her knees and leaned over to see the phone as Erik held it out to Skoll. Fenrir bit his lip to try and keep from smiling so much, because every little thing Erik was doing with his kids was perfect, he already read them so well, and maybe it should’ve been alarming and he searched for that feeling and came up empty. No suspicion or concern. Just and ever growing warmth.

“You teach piano?” Fenrir said, and was proud that his voice didn’t come out strangled, because he could picture it, Erik sitting up right on the bench, and his gaze shot to the man’s hands, long and big and strong and Fenrir really needed to stop thinking about them. He took a too-big gulp of coffee. “That’s good, though. That you like what you do. Sounds like you work hard.” Maybe too hard. Was it just him? Did he have any family left to support him raising his daughter without a mother? Fenrir ached at the thought. Things were hard enough, even with the help of his family. 

“That’s a police dog,” Hati interrupted, pouting and pointing at the phone. “The K-9 unit came last week with one like that. Fire dogs are supposed to be white with black spots.”

“Hati,” Fenrir raised his brows, giving her a steady look. “Dogs can be whatever they want to be.” The girl narrowed her eyes, looking ready to argue. “Should I tell you what you should do because of your hair color?” Hati looked appalled and said that was stupid (a word Fenrir was realizing now he’d have to keep better track of). “Then a dog can be a police dog, or a fire dog, or a pet dog, and it doesn’t matter what it looks like.”

Eyes still narrowed, Hati sat back, pouting, looking between the adults and moodily sipped her coco.