I’m so proud.

Me

muffy sis…

This feels like an alignment chart

like this post and I will instantly teleport to your home and gobble up your shower curtain

My shower curtain is glass

well crunchity munchity then, you think that will stop me?

ONE OF OUR INSTRUCTORS ACCIDENTALLY GOT PAID $787,000 THIS MONTH IM WHEEZING, OMFG PAYROLL

A PAYROLL EMPLOYEE ENTERED 123 INSTEAD OF 1 SO HE GOT PAID 123 TIMES WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO

this is the rare $786,708 payday. reblog to receive more money than you were expecting on your next paycheck 💫

guys my mom’s new boyfriend is trying to be supportive of me being a trans guy and he said “i got you a gift, a boy gift”

it’s a mountain dew nascar trucker hat. i wanna scream, like it’s nice he got me a gift and it’s nice he’s trying but…. I wanna Sc r EAM

Guys drink MOUNTAIN DEW

And drive

N ASC AR

And wear

Tr u ck hA ts

Am I the only person in the universe who had a mom who would bring wax paper for the plastic ones and a towel for the metal ones to the park with us so I wouldnt like die?

yes probably 

needless to say college isn’t goin so well

Thanos, a philosophy and economics double major who thinks once you eat a plant it will never grow back: i have to slaughter half the universe’s population with the infinity stones, so that no one ever runs out of resources and starves

Thor, a phys ed and linguistics major with a minor in women’s studies, taking a sip of his strawberry protein shake: can’t you just use the infinity stones to create more resources tho?

Thanos: blocked

The French Netflix uploaded this on twitter…….

this is by far the most powerful thing I’ve seen since Trump won and everyone needs to see this

finding out picasso died in 1973 feels like the fakest thing ive ever heard. everyone talks about him like he lived in a cave with nothing but a torch and paint he made from berries or bear shit or somethin but nah this dude probably sat down watchin looney tunes thinkin “damn i should draw some dude with a nose on his forehead thatd be dope” i feel so lied to

why do people say “don’t be a pussy” when talking about weakness more like “don’t be a man’s ego” because you know there isn’t nothing more fragile than that

uh 

because “pussy” is the shortened form of the word “pusillanimous”, which means “timid, cowardly”

and not the slang word for the female genital region?

literally no one else knows this. nobody. 

WHAT

Sensational.

Remarkable.

it’s a real word

you: pussy

me, an intellectual: pusillanimous

why do people say “don’t be a pussy” when talking about weakness more like “don’t be a man’s ego” because you know there isn’t nothing more fragile than that

uh 

because “pussy” is the shortened form of the word “pusillanimous”, which means “timid, cowardly”

and not the slang word for the female genital region?

literally no one else knows this. nobody. 

WHAT

Sensational.

Remarkable.

it’s a real word

you: pussy

me, an intellectual: pusillanimous

The French Netflix uploaded this on twitter…….

this is by far the most powerful thing I’ve seen since Trump won and everyone needs to see this