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I’d Thank The Newsies For Stabbing Me

@bat-shark-repellant / bat-shark-repellant.tumblr.com

Welcome to hell! I'm me :D but you can call me... me 😎 Apologies. she/they, ‘04, Welsh, thank you @/starlightjoong for the pfp!
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reblogged
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lillagrim
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relelvance

In what world is tall muscular man not conventionally attractive

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piedude

We've all been down here too long. I truly think there's a chunk of tumblr's population that can no longer survive sunlight.

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reagan-slayer69

women will say “hear me out” and show u a photo of pyramid head and then tumblr users will go “this is a perfectly normal man and an ice cold take”

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reblogged
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aeroargonic

For every person who likes or reblogs this post today, I will boop you.

You cannot stop me.

Only prolong your fate.

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phosphorus-noodles

Reblog to let your followers know that they’re safe from jumpscares/screamers/etc from you on April 1st but they are NOT safe from getting boop’d like an idiot amen

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reblogged
hotcocoandmarshmallows
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should-be-sleeping

In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine.

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should-be-sleeping

I kept it in a terrarium and it became a normal 🐸 despite everything. About a year afterward (I thought) it died, so I sadly put it in a shoebox in the shed until the ground thawed enough for a proper funeral but when that day came I opened the box and the frog was fine.

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justprettygay
Image
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should-be-sleeping

This is funnier than anything I have ever said.

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should-be-sleeping

This post is to Easter what a Geiger counter is to radiation.

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hyperspacial
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wordfather

writing tip:

if you push buttons on a keyboard, letters will appear on the screen. and with that power you can do anything

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lychgate

 i think it was cruel to give lightning mcqueen a foot fetish, as he lives in a world where all feet are wheels. he has nothing.

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wordfather

sorry i wasnt talking to you i think

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somanyspoons
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dlanadhz

In case no one told you growing up

  • Bras last longer if you let them air dry. Don’t put them in the dryer.
  • If you have a problem with frizzy hair, don’t dry your hair with a towel. It makes the frizzies worse. (I recently read an article that said to use a t-shirt? I brush mine out and let it air dry.)
  • Whites wash best in hot water. Everything else can be in cold - save on your electricity bill.
  • You can kill 99.9% of germs in a sponge by putting it in the dishwasher for a cycle or by microwaving it for 2 min (be sure to make the sponge damp before microwaving and to put a cup half full of water in with it and please DO NOT squeeze the sponge until it has cooled off)
  • Airing out your room/house and letting sunlight in every so often can decrease the number of household pests like silverfish and ants.
  • Black underwear is best during your period as stains are less likely to be visible.
  • To save money, put aside 10% of each paycheck into a savings account. It’ll add up.
  • Unless your hair has something on/in it (like grease or mud or something), using conditioner first can actually be the better choice. The conditioner holds in the good oils that help you hair look sleek and beautiful, which shampoo would otherwise wash away.
  • Speaking of shampoo - if you have long hair, washing just the bits that touch your scalp is generally enough. The rest of your hair gets cleaned with just the run off from your scalp.
  • If you put a tampon in and it’s uncomfortable/you can feel it, you didn’t do it quite right. A properly placed tampon is virtually unnoticeable by the wearer.
  • Apply deodorant/antiperspirant a couple hours in advance of when you need it. This gives the product the chance to block your sweat glands. Using deodorant just before going somewhere where you’ll sweat (this means walking outside for people in high humidity places) results in your sweat washing the deodorant off and starkly limiting its usefulness.
  • After running the dryer, use the dryer sheet from that load to brush out the lint catch - it gets everything off in a fraction of the time it’ll take you to get it clean with your bare hands. Paper towels also work well.
  • Wash your face everyday, or as often as possible. Forget which brand of cleanser is best. Just washing your face everyday will guarantee you clearer skin. And do you best not to pop pimples, as tempting as the urge may be.
  • Fold laundry asap after taking it from the dryer to avoid wrinkles. This may seem obvious for dress shirts and silly for things like t-shirts, but you’ll notice the difference even then once your shirts stop looking like unfolded paper balls.

To all the kids whose parents couldn’t help you with this kind of stuff

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somanyspoons
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awed-frog

For all my fellow oversharers out there.

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bokchoybussy

As a chronic people-pleaser, this is my advice for success.

Offer as little as possible. Be terse. Get rid of all those exclamation marks and tidbits about why you want to take a sick day. State your needs clearly and concisely without reason. Start saying “No, I’m unable.” more often. Say Thank You only when the other party deserves it.

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