Help me
I need new music to listen to for inspiration. If you know any good bands I should add to my life please feel free to add a comment or send a message. I need to get out of writers block.
Thank you
Any questions?
I’ve gotten some new followers lately and I appreciate you reading my stuff! So I’d like for yuh to get to know me :) so if yuh want ask some questions
Dear stranger,
In theory I’m a functioning person
But I’m not truly whole I’m in parts
Torn up by trauma, bad choices and lack of sleep
I can’t read cues right because I’m stuck inside my own head
Fighting against voices that tell me lies because it’s happen before
To close or closed off never finding a middle ground
Wanting to reach out for help but lost in false hopes of normal and success
My family is one mom and few friends who I don’t want to burden with this infinity loop of sad and troubled
I’m angry and frustrated by the wrongs around me and become overwhelmed which leads to build up and unhinged presentations
I’m not ok and that’s not a strangers responsibility it’s mine and my therapist to be
I’m sorry for unloading more on a full cart because I’m learning to be a emotionally available human who hears when I’m drowning in my own pain
I can’t undo and fix this repeat offense but I can do better with new people and each day
Sincerely a person who can’t sleep from guilt
Thank you for following me! You have a lovely blog and are especially talented!
I was wondering: is there a color you don’t like/even despise?
I do and it is olive green and any green and I don’t know. It’s odd I’ll eat green foods but I don’t like clothes or green items.
Your welcome your blog is lovely as well :)
To write Is to escape into my happy place
Explore parts of me I’m not brave enough to do normally
To avoid writing makes me feel bottled up the last few years
Bit to grow in writing I fear edits and I shouldn’t
To be proper in words and shape of them feels to much
Do words take shape inside then do I shorten or extend
Exhale breath be careful in the face of complicated tasks 
Torn between silence and improving my only hobby
No pressure right?
Trauma is a repeated theme in my life. But I don’t understand yet I kinda do know why. Just wish that I could stop this cycle of pain.
Colors labels stay
When I leave my home
Label
My weight, clothes, walk and how I exist
Growth is happening
Joy of its brief because I can’t be happy
I don’t deserve it I haven’t checked the boxes
Found love
I don’t deserve the good man I have
He’s so much good and my body type is deserving of abuse and cruel words
Stay that way no change
I can’t move up or down
Why can’t I accept my place in the system because happiness is limited
Color me In like a picture because a stranger knows what I deserve and don’t
Till I fold and comply then I earn love, income and be content with who I am
Exhausted because it’s never enough for people who buzz around me like bees
Stinging me with words because if they can’t have it or worse people like me can’t have it this being ok with this body, soul and my life
Death I ponder at night if I’m such a waste of space that’s a blocking others view
A rock in their shoe that that can’t get rid of but gladly would
Exist because I’m stuck here breathing not sleeping because I don’t know why I’m alive while I feel so much pain
Trauma eats up the good parts I’d like to keep
Alone because that’s easier then letting people down
When did you start writing poetry. And do you read poetry, and if so what kind of poetry do you read?
I started writing when I was 14. My mom encouraged it to help with well existing. I’ll be honest I haven’t read any poetry outside tumbler in a long time. But there are sooo many good writers on here that it’s inspiring. The last poet Ever read was Edgar Allen Poe. I really should look into exploring more poets. I’ll put that on a list of Rhonda to do to help be improve as a writer to explore classes.
I don’t want to wake up most days
If I could I’d never leave my home
Just lay there and fade away
I struggle to make myself go to work
Sleeping to much or not enough
I just don’t want to work, exist and breath
Hot showers help me but make me feel alone
Breath in count to 10 you have to work, spend time with others and not sleep all day
Even if that’s all I want
Calling
Are you there?
Can you hear?
Did you send me to voicemail?
Just wanted to wish you well and I can’t stop thinking about you
Before the last time I saw you
Before we feel apart
I haven’t been on in a long time so to get back into this fun. Ask me anything:) really
Things no one told me about being bi-polor
1. That you feel torn between two extremes
2. The fact that stress triggers episode
3. Random burst of anger I can’t always control towards those I love
4. Extreme tired and to energized when I shouldn’t be
5. Never knowing when I’ll have a mood shift
6. Trying to hide this at work and with friends by staying away when stressed
7. Staying up late because the bi polor depression kicks my ass
8. Feeling isolated when i don’t have a rational reason to
9. Fearing it will effect how others see me
10. Feeling like my minds overwhelmed and extremely exhausted Trying to separate things in right mental boxes
I got lost
Time found a way vanish
I was supposed to return to a specific time
Panic attack sucked me in like quick sand
All I hear is fear and echos of my past
Writing just another failed skill
While I attempt to survive without a creative outlet
Even one with minimum achievement
That won’t let me rest till I cave into a desire to form words and put them in place
Last night
You came to me at 2 am
Whisky on your breath
I could feel the way body moved towards me
So sweet at first your kiss tasted only to become bitter quick
Rushed and fresh from a bar with a friend
You could of come over and skipped the booze induced state
You Always say alot of nothing but I find the truth hidden in between
Episode 23 of promise you can't keep just say you wanted to fuck not make love
My ghost in the night whose never been around long enough to know my soul
4 years more of you sneaking in my window drunk I'll be 30 and know better then to let you in for bad sex and whisky breath
My first drink
The first time I got drunk I was with a boy
We had just had terrible sex.The kind that says you should just be friends
Both he and I had waited months in anticipation
Only to arrive at the fact we weren’t meant to fuck.. however in other areas we found peace
His words stung even still each pause testing my control
Telling me he didn’t want to me because we weren’t attracted to eachother
In each sip I found myself stuck between a calm then a rage that consumed me
The tears crawled out of my eyes words of pain came through to make him feel the depth his words hurt each were laced with personal attacks
I cried myself to sleep that night. Standing in the shower to wash away the marks he’d just left only hours before
He kept saying he was sorry... I promised myself I’d never let him close enough to wound me again
Now he wants me to forgive him... now he wants things to go back to normal. He wants me to drink with him again.. I told him some pain you only face once
My favorite roommate:)