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Returning feet and voices at the door

@chestnut-podfic / chestnut-podfic.tumblr.com

The DEFUNCT tumblr of chestnut_pod (they/them). Find my podfic and fic at AO3. If you are trying to get in contact with me, an ask here will still reach me via email; PMs will not reach me in anything resembling a timely fashion. "Disconcerting, then amusing and endearing."
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mapsburgh

Rethinking the Ents and Entwives

I wish to propose a radical re-thinking of the history and fate of the Ents, based on a re-interpretation of the Song of the Ents and Entwives sung by Treebeard to Merry and Pippin. I think our conventional understanding of the Ents falls short by taking the song at face value.

According to the song, the Ents are fading because the male Ents have lost contact with the female half of their race, the Entwives. The two genders had irreconcilable differences over the sorts of landscapes they loved best – sublime wilderness for the Ents, cultivated gardens for the Entwives. Going their separate ways, they now found themselves unable to reproduce, and thus the Entish race must inevitably die out. Most readers take this as a straightforward description of Entish history.

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itariilles

My Statement on Tolkien 2019

It has been incredibly difficult for me to speak on my experiences regarding my experiences of hostility and othering in spaces that I loved and still hold dear to my heart, and for that reason I have been silent. That is until now. 

I have decided that now is the right time for me to come forward with my experience and statement regarding my negative experience as a person of colour engaging in Tolkien spaces. 

I want people involved in the wider Tolkien community to reflect on their roles in the specific spaces they inhabit, and how you can foster a better environment for marginalised groups to interact and engage with those spaces in a safe and inclusive manner. 

Take your time to listen and put effort into listening to fans of colour when they are speaking about their lived experiences and their grievances especially when they are speaking about a topic as personal as racism. Being critical of a work you love and the media surrounding it is not easy thing, but we need to recognise that these criticisms are valid and deserve to be taken seriously when it affects a collective of people across different backgrounds. 

I want to preface this by stating that I am speaking only for myself and my own lived experience as a vocal young non-black POC in a predominantly white space. I acknowledge that my experience is by no means universal or indicative of all POC in Tolkien fandom spaces. 

I also understand that real life interactions differ widely from interactions on online fandom spaces, but there are disturbing similarities across both online and real life spaces with specific regard to the environment and treatment of vocal POC in both. 

The tragedy is many people do not realise their impact not only on the individuals involved, but on the wider attitude towards POC voices in fandom when the topic of racism is discussed. We need to build safe environments where critical discussions of diversity and race from the people most affected by them are taken to heart, not invalidated or spoken over as targets of microaggressions. 

To give a bit of context, Tolkien 2019 was an in person conference organised by the Tolkien Society (which I was a member of at the time). The official website for Tolkien 2019 has been taken down but the Tolkien Society has a nice summary written in August 2018 breaking down the event here

I was approached by the Education Secretary at the time about my possible involvement in a panel discussing the history and future of the Tolkien Society which I elaborate on further in my statement. It was the first time I had felt that I had a platform where I could freely express my voice as a diverse reader and consumer of Tolkien media who held diversity in Tolkien as a core value in the wider Tolkien brand. 

I felt that as the only non-white member on the panel I had an obligation to speak out on the topic of diversity when it was raised. I tried to speak briefly about some of the points and discourses I had heard on portrayals of diversity in Tolkien media with as much nuance as I could manage at the time. In response to some points I had made I was met with vocal disapproval by some audience members and visible signs of disapproval and hostile body language from others. 

This was made even more jarring when later during the course of the event when two white creators hinted at vague notions of diversity were met with a far greater degree of approval. The former instance was during the context of a panel regarding the upcoming LOTR on Prime series, and the latter was during a talk presented by the chair of the Tolkien Society.

I felt intimidated and reluctant to involve myself any further in the Tolkien fandom, especially in real life spaces as my experience at Tolkien 2019 had only solidified and reaffirmed my fears and unease I had engaging in a predominantly white fandom with few visible POC members and creators who tackle topics of diversity and racism in both the community and source texts.

Following this event I was approached by an affiliate of one of the attendees who very kindly took the time to listen to me and suggested that I should write a statement in response to my experience. To my knowledge, my statement has not been shared or published on any platform yet and this will be the first time I have ever spoken about it publicly. 

Since then some of my thoughts and opinions on certain aspects of Tolkien fandom and meta have shifted or evolved which I will hopefully expand on in the future, but I wanted to share my initial unchanged statement I wrote reflecting my immediate reaction to my experience. 

I want to be seen as a Tolkien creative and critical thinker above anything else, but I cannot move forward with my work without speaking about my lived experience in a space which has been consistently hostile to me and so many others across different Tolkien spaces for so many years starting with my account of this one experience.

I hope my statement finds itself in good hands and I will always be willing to engage with others about my experiences so long as you engage with me in good faith. 

The statement I wrote on 25/09/2019 is as follows:

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apoemaday

Let the Memorial Hill Remember

by Yehuda Amichai

Let the memorial hill remember instead of me, that’s what it’s here for. Let the park in-memory-of remember, let the street that’s-named-for remember, let the well-known building remember, let the synagogue that’s named after God remember let the rolling Torah scroll remember, let the prayer for the memory of the dead remember. Let the flags remember those multicolored shrouds of history: the bodies they wrapped have long since turned to dust. Let the dust remember. Let the dung remember at the gate. Let the afterbirth remember. Let the beasts of the field and birds of the heavens eat and remember. Let all of them remember so that I can rest.

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Anonymous asked:

i’d like to think legolas brings the traditions of all the races across the sea. he brings the drinking songs of hobbits, the art of ageless tall tales told by mortal men, the little understood or known ways of the dwarves and even the murmured stories of the ents across. the valinor elves adopt them. and through his efforts, the memory of the world as it was during the age of men is preserved until the breaking of the world, when all is created anew.

babe i tried to think of something clever to add but this is so beautifully written… my heart is open n vulnerable

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“A golden afternoon of late sunshine lay warm and drowsy upon the hidden land between. In the midst of it there wound lazily a dark river of brown water, bordered with ancient willows, arched over with willows, blocked with fallen willows, and flecked with thousands of faded willow-leaves. The air was thick with them, fluttering yellow from the branches; for there was a warm and gentle breeze blowing softly in the valley, and the reeds were rustling, and the willow-boughs were creaking.”

— J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings. (via fyrgenstream)

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Continuing on from that thought but book!Boromir really is the common sense filter for the fellowship. The aggressively un-mystical one in this mish mash of wizards and prophetic kings and elves and poetic dwarves and the like. ‘I dont know about kings but if you’re gonna help with the war then great’ ‘Its cold on the mountains we should take firewood’ ‘if I look at Moria on a map it’s just giant bolded letters saying IT’S A TRAP!’ ‘why didn’t you tell us before that you didn’t know the password Gandalf!!’ ‘I’m literally just trying to get home so of course I’m going to keep going’ like he really is the Patrick Dempsey from Enchanted of this story.

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A halfway goodbye

I haven’t been around much on tumblr, and I don’t see that changing. 

Grad school is really good. I’m teaching and taking my own classes, and both of those things are challenging in a wonderful way. They take up a lot of my time, energy, and thought capacity. And because it is taking up so much time, I want to dedicate more of that to my partner, to books, and to, generally, things that aren’t scrolling. 

2018 was a difficult year. It started with a job that kept me at what was technically an 8 hr/day schedule, but really involved four hours a day of commuting, meaning I was getting up at five to get to work by eight so I could leave early and get home by seven so I could go to bed at nine to get up at five again. And it was worth it, I think, because I am paying for my apartment and my food and clothing without worry and will be able to travel for research this summer even if my grant funds are slimmer than I’m currently hoping. Unfortunately, I am beginning to suspect the seven months of barely-enough sleep, barely-enough socialization, and barely-enough medical care have messed something up in me that will hopefully heal with time but right now is expressing itself monthly in PMDD. It really, really, really sucks. 

That, among other things, made the transition to grad school difficult as much as exciting. I took five classes my first term, two over the recommended load. It was amazing but very difficult. Added to that, my partner and I now live a six-hour train ride apart. We are making it work, but it is taking deliberate planning. Also, I freaking hate SoCal. That doesn’t help a transition. This quarter I am behaving much more reasonably in terms of classes, but during my much-needed winter break, which was as amazing as amazing could be, I didn’t touch tumblr at all. I liked it. I felt less stressed, and I spent more time doing other things. Social media in general has been a support that’s a little wobbly and splintery and not that good for me anymore, I’ve realized. 

I have spent a lot of time thinking seriously about whether or not to delete my Facebook. I think I’ve concluded that I can’t do that, for professional reasons mostly, but also because it’s very useful in foreign countries. I won’t delete my tumblr, because it has meant so very much to me. I learned so much, I met so many people, I found so many shows and books and movies and artists that I love. My friends made here are so special to me. The things I learned here about social justice, history, art, and humor have directed me to learn so much more elsewhere, and I will never stop being grateful for that. 

It’s just that nowadays, it doesn’t do much for me. If anything, it’s keeping me from doing things that make me actively happy, not just passively content. I am realizing more and more (and I think my lackluster reaction to Pillowfort helped with this) that the things I value now about tumblr are my friends, not any of the functionalities. 

I am not going to delete my tumblr, and I may still post or reblog from time to time, but I am going to try to stop coming on as much. It’s off my bookmarks bar, and when my queue runs down in a couple of days, I’m not going to try to refill it. 

I am not leaving fandom! This spring break, one of my goals is to record more podfic and post it. I am still reading, still super happy to beta. I am active on Dreamwidth as chestnut_filly, and that’s where you can get your social media fill of me. Otherwise, to stay in touch, email or texting is the best way to get ahold of me. If you don’t have my email, you can drop by my ask box and request it. 

So yeah. Soft goodbye, tumblr. It’s been a good time. 

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