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Flower Power

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butch pallas cat

it’s really clear to me that Lucy keeps having flashbacks to Confrontation and that it’s one of the major catalysts for pushing her friends away (aggressively, in the case of the second instance). 

in the first shot with Sue, there’s just a little bit of greying in the background – but this is RIGHT after the nightmare flashback chapter & is closely followed by her bursting into angry tears when Daisy pushes the whole “guys adore you” thing. i assume that this memory is going through her brain as she looks off to the side:

it’s not really like Sue could have done anything in the chapter itself, and of all of the “crimes” that the kids committed towards Lucy, Sue was the lightest next to Mike. I don’t think Lucy expected her to stand up for her against Alej – but I /do/ think that it was extremely hard for her to not have anyone come to support her and ask if she was okay afterward. Sue mentions in the original chapter that they “better get an A after all that trouble.” she originally jumped in to try and defend Mike, and stayed back as soon as Lucy stepped into the fray.

I think that Lucy just mentally logged Sue in her brain as a person who doesn’t actually care about comforting her – she was supportive when Lucy was rejected by Mike, and is generally kind to Lucy, but seems to have her own priorities and distractions. so when Sue apologizes in It’s All In The Mind, Lucy immediately backs off and shuts the emotional stuff down as soon as she can. 

it feels similar with this interaction with Paulo. not only are her emotions already high after the recent interactions with Mike, as well as her conversation with Jordan and Augustus – but she also is being grabbed by Paulo in the EXACT same way that she was grabbed by Alej in the alleyway. he’s physically holding her still by her shoulders when she’s already made it very clear that she does not want to be touched. and he’s got good intentions, but that doesn’t matter when you have PTSD and all of your buttons are being pushed. 

plus, the combo is probably bringing back memories of this:

Mike was the only one who stood up for her in that chapter, both to their friends and to Alej. and she clearly HEAVILY internalized this, to the point that she violently shoves everyone away when memories are brought up. she’s holding onto these memories with an iron grip. 

i think that’s one of the (many) reasons that she’s clinging so fiercely to Augustus; he also knows what it’s like to be hurt by Alej, and he took some pretty direct actions to protect her from the guy. 

i don’t know where it’s going to go from here, but I think Lucy needs to confront (hah) her issues from this head-on and have some more awareness of how much her friends have changed since that chapter in their lives. also she needs therapy for trauma probably. 

also actually i want to get further into the PTSD thing. 

obviously she’s had nightmares, but the post above outlines the fact that i think she has random flashbacks on occasion as well. 

now here’s the thing. Mike, Paulo, Daisy, and Sue are /all/ reminders of the traumatic event. she is probably subconsciously also trying to push them away for this reason, in addition to her conscious thoughts about it. plus, other symptoms of PTSD are coming into play:

she’s just really struggling and probably doesn’t completely understand why. 

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I’ve started The Magicians trilogy lately so here are some Kids : Alice, Quentin, Eliot, and Janet. Mostly mental images with a bit of syfy show in it I guess