summer is coming up lads..

fight fight kiss kiss fight fight

@arengnera for the best explanation of the conundrum

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

There’s no such thing as work-life balance for neurodivergent & chronically ill people.

This is because everything in my life requires work:

All requires some aspect of work for me.

And when everything in your life requires work, your balance goes out the window.

If you're neurodivergent and overwhelmed — I see you.

If you're chronically ill and overwhelmed — I see you.

You're not dysfunctional.

You're not incapable.

You're doing your best.

must be so fucked up to be a younger siibling like imagine being born and theres already another guy there

interesting fact i have titanium in my spine

Fun Fact!

Titanium not only is crazy durable, but it noo magnet! Thas wy Dock chok jjiun spi; surgyr ad pater noster, qui es in cœlis; sanctificetur nomen tuum: Adveniat regnum tuum; fiat voluntas tua, sicut in cœlo, et in terra. Panem nostrum cotidianum da nobis hodie: Et dimitte nobis debita nostra, sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris: et ne nos inducas in tentationem: sed libera nos a malo.

dude got hit with the ol’ Lorum Ipsem beam😞

nice outfit LOSER lol *puts phone up to ear* 65,000,000 BCE called .They said aomething really bad happened to the dinosaurs

Made the worst brownies ever created just now

Chat where did I go wrong

the reviews are in

Boy heroically puts horse conditioner in princess’s hair without a moment’s hesitation

I’ve never seen so much discourse about horse-and-people hair products but please know that your comments have absolutely made my day

I want people to know this post is how I learned there is more than one kind of detangler. I finally got a detangler that’s for my hair type and I now don’t actively hate combs and hairbrushes. Erinmccomics, my hair thanks you.

This makes me SO HAPPY TO HEAR and I wish you many tangle-free days ahead 🥺❤️

Shapeshifter who gets horribly grotesque and mutilated when flustered

Its actually so important to me

regardless of a myriad of other AI discourse talking points i'm not touching with a 10 ft pole, i think it should always be disclosed when i'm looking at something AI generated. like that's a basic level of societal courtesy, right. AI images more than any new technology that has changed the course of humanity seem to be inseparable from a purposeful obfuscation of their origin. the gimmick is to deceive human perception, their entire purpose is to make you believe you are looking at something created by sentience. AI is at its core a tool for deception and i mean that as a neutral statement. it's a mimic, a pantomime. impersonation. and that is, ethics aside, annoying as all fuck

If only there were some sort of facility where teenagers could be taught new skills.

Anyway, here's a helpful diagram. When I was hit on the temple this was one of the harder things I had to reteach myself. Don't be shamed into not asking questions, and it's alright if it takes you a while to figure it out. Don't let someone make you feel bad for learning new things, or relearning old ones.

Sometimes, unfortunately, you have to teach yourself. YouTube is a valid option.

yeah okay ill reblog that :]

Listen. I’m a little disappointed in the kids who can’t read a clock, but it’s not their fault if no-one taught them. But I’m *appalled* at the *schools* whose solution to this problem was to *remove the clocks*.

I don't care what your sexuality is if we start doing kiss marry kill or smash or pass for people of a gender you're not actually attracted to you can have some gosh darn imagination. Make a choice. Pick. Imagine. Open your mind to creativity.

Zionists and everyone else PLEASE stop abusing the term ‘blood libel.’ IT DOES NOT MEAN “ACCUSATION OF MURDER.”

It is a feudal European conspiracy theory to justify pogroms by accusing Jews of murdering Christian children to use their blood for satanic rituals, including baking matzah with this blood. If it isn’t literally an accusation of blood drinking or blood magic or ritualistic child murder, it is not blood libel. It is not blood libel to accurately describe Israel’s actual actions bombing children. That is completely unrelated to the blood libel myth, stop expanding the definition beyond the phenomenon it was invented to describe.

“If you have time to watch Netflix you have time for a side hustle” my side hustle is relaxing so that my body and brain can heal from by this nose-to-the-grindstone bullshit. I refuse to feel guilty for being a human with the need to relax sometimes. my side hustle is no.

whenever i hear about hustle culture i always think about this post on r/antiwork