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My Lost & Found.

@oregonhannah / oregonhannah.tumblr.com

πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ•πŸ»πŸ’
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Coastal vibes from this weekend in Newport, OR 🌊

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reblogged
craftbrewedjam

crazy how so many of your experiences as a girl are shaped based on whether you are perceived as attractive or not

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I am struggling.

Kelly left yesterday for his 12 week internship in Portland, so it’s just me and the dog. Which tbh I thought was going to be pretty chill, but I’m feeling super overwhelmed and already can’t get out of my anxiety fog.

It started yesterday after he left (around noonish), and I realized I’d forgotten to take my meds, and instead of taking them then...I just didn’t take them at all? Which is like uh??????? So instead I deep cleaned the fuck out of the house, and went grocery shopping, and binge ate, then went to sleep way later than I should have. I also made a list of all the things I want to get done this week, and it’s a relatively easy list, but like, it seems so daunting? I gave myself basically one thing to do a day, and I’m still panicking like I don’t have enough time. I’m getting frustrated with myself, I feel stupid for having a hard time just functioning.Β 

I don’t know, it’s just been a while since I’ve felt like this, and my usual self calming techniques aren’t working, which makes me feel even worse. Ugh.

#summer is our most active season so I feel extra sad that we don't get to have our usual adventures#it's not like we won't see each other for 12 weeks#portland isn't that far away#I mean I'm going up this weekend to visit but it's just not going to be an easy summer no matter what
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reblogged
craftbrewedjam
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humanpersonface

So I came up with an idea today.

When I mess up, as soon as my anxiety brain starts berating me and saying horrible things about myself, I can just cut it off and in my best Wayne from Letterkenny internal voice think β€œwish you weren’t so awkward, bud.” And just move on.

I even made a memo for my desk at work.

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humanpersonface

Lol!

Me at my intrusive thoughts: Pump the breaks there, bud. That’s a hard no.
Me pushing through my executive dysfunction: Pitter patter, let’s get at β€˜er.
Me building my confidence in the mirror: Look at that fuckin snipe. That’s a snipe.

I’m reblogging it again to say that I made Wayne my inspirational life coach today and it worked really fuckin’ well. Looked in the mirror, said I should crush my job today ferda, and then let Letterkenny quotes do the driving. Felt incredible.

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I’ve been feeling really good lately, like the reality of being 32 and being pretty much exactly where I’d pictured myself ten years ago, has finally settled in.

I mean, I’ve got a good man and a good old dog, we own a home, I worked my ass off and bought my dream car, I have a solid few ride-or-die friends, a good family, a job I love, and a decent savings account. Kelly and I are about to book our awesomely perfect-for-us wedding venue. He was offered an amazing internship in Portland for the summer, that will open up a lot of doors for when he graduates next year. We’ve just got a lot of exciting things on the horizon and it feels kind of surreal.

My anxiety can still be crippling, and I’m several pounds heavier than I’d like to be, and we’ve got some tough/probably awkward conversations coming up with some friends and family regarding the wedding, but like overall, things are fucking smooth right now. Hashtag Blessed? πŸ˜…

Bonus: One of our engagement pictures πŸ₯°

#and there’s my monthly post
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